For His Eye is on the Sparrow

Being The A.D.

2011-03-23T10:48:00.001-07:00

Looking back, I didn't truly appreciate living in the home of educators, but as an adult, I realize now how incredibly awesome that was. My parents had time off at Christmas, Spring Break, and Summer. We took full advantage of those vacations. Time with family, camping trips, and day trips to the local beach were regular activities.

My dad was our family's athletic director. Being a physical education teacher, it seemed the appropriate term in our family to describe the person who planned our family's adventures. Though, as I think about it, seems like I remember there being "kerfuffles" over who actually was the A.D., or Athletic Director! As a kid, I took that role for granted because we were always off on some adventure or other.

So, here I am: The Queen of My Own Domain. The Holder Down of the Fort. The Fixer of Boo Boos. The Chauffeur. The Maid. And....unfortunately....The A. D. The dreaded Athletic Director. I've decided that the role of A.D. is one of my unspoken gender assigned roles. I've waited for 15 years for my husband to be the A.D. Unfortunately, he carries his own gender assigned role of being The Provider. And his Provider job does not have vacations like an educator.

*sigh*

Recognizing my need to be The A.D. hasn't helped me much. I struggle so much in planning activities for my kids....for our family. I get weighed down with the details. What to do. How to get there. How much it might cost. How many people will be there. Not-so-cooperative attitudes of my children. My husband's availability vs. doing it without him. And the list goes on. Road block after road block, I find myself doing very little, or nothing at all.

Not what I planned. Not what I want.

And yet, whether I plan something or not, life goes on. With or without me.

Aiming for With.

Happiness A to Z

2011-03-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

We are on the Official Day 2 of Spring Break. The first day went fairly well. No fights. Some chores were finished. All in all, a very good day. It gave me hope for the rest of Spring break.

Today, I woke to gray skies. Again. The rain sprinkled me this morning on my walk. The cloud cover is significant enough to tell me there won't be any sunbreaks today. Bummer.

The gray skies seem to be settling in here in the house too. Complaints. Mumbled sour words. Arguments.

*sigh*

I want joy. I want happiness. I want kindness and forgiveness. Not sure if we'll get there, but I'm hopeful. So, let's focus on happiness. What brings me happiness? Let's contemplate that from A to Z:

*Applied Talents. My kids have lots of them. It brings me lots of joy to see them used. Athleticism. Great memory. Math skills. Singing. Piano.

*Brotherly togetherness. It was sooo much fun to watch the boys working together yesterday on chores. I smiled so big as I watched Caden patiently teaching Luke how to make cookies. Not the best batch of cookies we've ever had; but, they were sweet just the same.

*Cozy hugs. I love that my kids still want to snuggle with me once in a while.

*Doggy tricks. Ruby is such a hoot when she's going through her little "routine." Cracks me up when she "anticipates" our calls. It is fun to watch my kids playing with her too.

*Everyone together. Seems like lately that our family time together is rare and far between. I love it when we are all together enjoying the same thing.

*Friends. Nothing is better than a great friend. It makes it even better when my kids are friends to each other.

*Good coffee. I never thought I'd say that!! I've always loved the smell of coffee...reminds me of my grandpa. Now, I enjoy a good cup of coffee. A little bit of pleasure amidst the chaos.

*Happy kids. When my kids are happy, this Mom can't help but be happy.

*Ice cream. Smiles in a bowl. 'Nuf said.

*Jesus. Without Him, I'm toast.

*Kindness. Why does that seem such a rare thing these days? One act of kindness can change everything.

*Laughter. Best sound on earth.

*Mom time. When the kids are finally in bed, and the house is quiet, that is pure bliss. Makes me sigh just thinking about it.

*Notes from anyone. Writing notes seems to be a dieing art anymore. How I cherish the words that are written. Those can be revisited again and again. The rewards are endless.

*Overly beautiful flowers. Come on, Spring, do your best!

*Pictures. There is a lot of joy to be found in looking at pictures. Pictures are worth a thousand words. Really.

*Quiet games. Fun and peace all wrapped in one.

*Red Robin. A shared hamburger from Red Robin with my Tim. 'Nuf said.

*Silly jokes. Okay...sometimes this is obnoxious....but roll with it....it's fun.

*Tim coming home early from work. Or should I reword that to: Tim coming home on time.

*Unexpected blessings. Who doesn't love that?

*Very hot bath coupled with a good book....yippee!!

*Walking Ruby. Not always; but, I am coming to really enjoy them. Most of the time.

*eXciting books. I love a good, well-written book.

*Zipping up my new birthday jacket. I love warmth.

This exercise of looking at what makes me happy seems to be working. Hoping the rest of the day proves so.

The Need for the Gift of Beauty

2011-03-21T11:46:00.001-07:00

Winter in Oregon is tough for me. Gray. Wet. Gray. Cold. Gray. Damp. Gray. And so it goes. Even with the advent of Spring, (I think), I find myself stuck in the cycle of Gray. Wet. Gray. Cold. Gray. Damp. Gray. This morning, on my walk, as we slowed to a new-found, granted temporary, rhythm of Spring Break, I started to becomes aware of COLOR. Green grass. Yellow daffodils. Purple crocus. Ah....beauty.

Now, sitting in my home, darkened by the gray skies outside, I crave color. I crave beauty. I'm currently watching a home-decorating. Oh, that is a gift I wish that God had given me. The gift, the ability, to create beauty where I am. I crave beauty, and yet I feel paralyzed in my abilities to create beauty. It doesn't help that my home is cluttered with the mess of the weekend and the beginnings of Spring break.

People's giftings make certain tasks seem so easy. Their gift flows from them with ease and grace. I have always felt that somehow God skipped over me in my gifts. I don't automatically see where my giftings are. I want so badly to decorate my home with ease. I hate being paralyzed by my own fears of just jumping into that. I crave the beautiful. Why can't I create beauty.

A couple of weeks ago, in Sunday school, a friend suggested that may gift was writing. I struggle with that because I see others who write so much better. But, writing is as different as decorating. Each style is different and valued. So, I decided today, as I craved the gift of making beauty, I decided to test the waters of beginning my blog once again. Finding value in myself in the value of making beauty through writing.

My prayer is, as I finish this disjointed post, is that I will find value in the beauty of my writing once again. As I write, I pray that I find the beauty of color in my thoughts.

Come, Spring, bring your color.

Family Fun!

2010-06-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

I love spending time with my family. All five of us together. Something about being together...and everyone having a good time...it just fills my heart up full.

At the beginning of this last school year, my kids won a night at The Great Wolf Lodge, an awesome hotel/indoor water park. I had looked into a couple of years ago...but just about croaked when I saw the price. I knew for sure that Tim would never go for such extravagance....so I assumed that we would never be able to go and experience this fun place. When we won this night, I was so excited. Kind of a God thing, in a way. I think I even doubted that we would ever even use it. Water isn't one of Tim's strong points, so I thought it would be another opportunity that would slip through our fingers.

With a planted seed of celebrating the end of a school year...and hoping to miss some of the crowds, Tim decided it would be a good idea to use our prize this last weekend. What fun we had!! The fact that we went on a Sunday/Monday was really wonderful. We beat some of the people who were still in school...and people who had to go back to work. Even though I thought it was kind of crazy busy, apparently it wasn't. There were times, especially on Monday, that there were no lines and we could go down the rides as quickly as we could climb up those nasty stairs

Tim, being the Numbers Man, counted the stairs. To get to the upper rides, it was 91 steps. The lower set of rides was 70 steps. I lost count of how many times we did each ride, but it is needless to say we climbed thousands of stairs in those two days of playing. I was continually thankful for the running that I had been doing the last couple of months. Without that, I would have been one sorry mama. Even so, I couldn't hardly keep up with my kids and their boundless energy. I rode Daria's favorite ride, the Howlin' Tornado, several times when there was no waiting line. She still had to wait for me at the top of those 91 stairs a couple of times. Her Awesomeness and my Aging Body side by side again!!

So how do I even begin to tell about all there is to do at The Lodge. I have oodles of pictures, so I think I will use that to tell the story from here on out. We each had our favorite parts of the park. I loved the River Canyon Run. It was one of those 91-step rides! It was fast, curvy, with a few splashes in between. The part I liked about it the most was that it could seat five riders. That meant that we could all go together...and we did...several times. Here is a picture of a few of us at the bottom. Unfortunately...its hard to get a picture of all five of us riding when one needs to take a picture. Luke isn't in the boat because he was running out of steam about the time we got to this picture. Tim, of course, took the picture.

Because Tim took the pictures, there aren't a lot with him in them. The thing that impressed me about our vacation to The Lodge, is that Tim seemed to enjoy himself too. And that is saying something, in my opinion! (I'm sure it helped that our night was paid for by the kids' winnings!) Tim enjoyed just going and going and going. I'm pretty sure that he climbed those stairs a lot more than the rest of us. I'm secretly pleased that he was complaining that his hips were hurting by the end of our stay. Mr. Macho rarely complains of anything in that department and he's always smokin' the rest of us with his prowess. So there! I think one of my favorite pictures is of him at the bottom of one of the slides. For me, it says a lot!

Luke, for whom all of life is an adventure to experience, The Lodge was the little man's paradise. I was impressed with how much he went, and went, and went. He did have a few times where he needed to rest...but after a little snack...he would be off with a jump and a run. When he got tired of climbing the stairs, he would run to the wave pool, to the shooting guns pool, or hop to the lily pads.

Each slide he went down, he would throw his hands up in the air and yell: "No hands, Mom! Are your hands up?" Usually, mine were...but near the end of the time, I just tried to relax while we roared down the slides. As I was glancing through the pictures this morning, I had to laugh at how many times he had his hands over his eyes as we went into our splash landings. Silly boy...he even had goggles on!!

True to his differences from his brother, getting Caden to experience the whole of The Lodge was kind of like pulling teeth. A friend of his had told him that he had fallen out of one of the rides and would have drown if his dad hadn't grabbed him. I'm sure that was just Little Man Testosterone playing up the story, but Caden had taken it fully to heart. Our first time down the Canyon River Run, we literally had to drag him up there. He thought for sure that he was going to die. We climbed into the boat and he grasped those handles with all he was worth. We tried to play up the fun as much as we could. We held up our hands, we laughed and smiled...but Caden had his death grip going on both his hands...and his eyes!! Wish we had had a camera at that point. When we made it to the bottom, he declared that it wasn't that bad. Even so, I noticed throughout the day, that when we roared down that Canyon Run...four of us had our hands up high, laughing out loud...and the last one managed to maybe get his hands up to about shoulder high. When we finally got him to go on the Howlin' Tornado, I thought for sure we had made the ultimate victory. We got to the bottom...and if that boy had known cursing words...I'm sure he would have told us a few! Oh well....we tried. The picture I loved of him, was the one where his hands are up high....not on the Canyon Run....but a victory none the less.

Daria is an animal on the soccer field. She throws her whole body into the experience and loves dominating her opponents. I hardly recognize her when she is on the prowl...kind of like her dad. She took on The Lodge with the same gusto. On one of the rides that can be a two-person ride, I rode with her a couple of times. She would sit herself up high and throw her body into the corners, squeezing every last thrill that she could out of the ride. I thought for sure she would tip us over with her enthusiasm. You can see her attentiveness in this picture:

Her favorite ride was the Howlin' Tornado. It has this 30 foot drop in one section that just about makes my stomach flip every time. My first time down that one was going backwards and that was a little gut-wrenching. Daria loved it. When the lines were low, she would race to the top and giggle with excitement when she would head down that drop backwards. She could hardly contain herself. I was always thankful to be going down frontwards! So...we both won. haha. Here we are at the bottom:

There was a lot of other things to enjoy there. The kids really enjoyed the wave pool. I didn't so much. Maybe if I had taken a tube out there, it would have been better. I found that there were just too many people for me to really find it worthwhile.

The kids also enjoyed the pool that had a floating beaver and a floating snake in it. It was fun to climb on and push each other off. We got a few laughs doing that as well.

Well...that is a pretty good summary of our Lodge experience. Even though we were tired, and our bodies were a little rashy from the chemicals, we all were a little reluctant to leave. Even as we were walking out the doors, the kids were begging to come back again some day. I'm hoping that someday we will. It's not often that we find something that makes all of us happy! Here we are as we are headed out the door....tired...hungry...and happy!

And that's all she wrote!

THE END!

Running Duo

2010-06-11T11:06:00.001-07:00

For the last 6 months or so, I've been running. I always want to put that word in quotes because I would never really qualify myself as a runner. In fact, I've always just about downright hated running, unless it had a purpose...like playing basketball. After listening to a friend of mine talk about how running seemed to help her mood and attitude, I decided I should give it a try. (Can you tell I was desperate to do something about my awful attitude?!?)

I love to watch others run. Some make it look so darn easy, and I yearn for running to come with ease and grace like them. Others, when I watch them, make me feel pretty darn okay about my running. I cheer for them and mentally scream, "You go! Awesome! Keep it up." Or there are those that make me think: If they can run, then by golly, so can I.

So, I keep on running. I have yet to find the ease and grace. I still have yet to find the fun in it. But after completing a run, I find a little bit of satisfaction...maybe even a little pride.

To challenge myself, I have run a couple of 10Ks (6.2 miles). I ran one back in April as a fundraiser for Tilikum. I decided I needed another boost in my ego, so I ran another one last weekend. At the last minute, I decided to see if Daria wanted to run the 5K with a friend. She said yes! So, off the two of us went.

I didn't accomplish anything grand....BUT...I did finish...and that is always a good feeling. The fun thing about running a 10K is that, for me, it is doing something beyond what I think I'm capable of. I overheard someone say to someone once: "Never underestimate what you can accomplish." I kept reminding myself of that as I ran my little 10K. Like I said, I wasn't grand...but I finished...and that is something!

I don't know why I was surprised, because my daughter is always blowing me away with the things she can accomplish, but Daria came in third in her age group for completing the 5K (3.1 miles)! She ran the whole way!! I was impressed because, even though she plays awesome soccer, she doesn't run distance at all. On top of that, she totally rocked my typical 5K time. I usually run about 3.2 miles every day and she blew my time out of the water! Not sure if that is a testament to her awesomeness or an indictment to my aging body and my diminishing abilities!! Either way...she rocked!

Here we are as I am nearing the finish of my 10K. After waiting a while for me to finish, Daria backtracked and found me just before the finish line.

See? I really did run. And I ran the entire time. I promise.

Roses for the Victors.

I want to write again.

2010-06-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

My life lately has felt consumed lately with the lives of my children. I know that is what I signed up for when we started this adventure of parenthood. Most days I am content with that and find joy in the journey. Yet sometimes, I struggle with feeling like I'm losing myself in the process.

Who am I? What is my purpose? What impact am I making on anything? I know. When I sit down and think on it with a logical process, I can answer all those. Yet the feelings are still there. Feelings aren't to be trusted. They aren't always accurate. I know. I know.

In the feeling "lost," I feel like I've lost my voice. I want to write. I loved the feeling of a completed thought and project as I would leave a post out there for "someone"...."anyone"...to read. But when I have sat down here lately, there has been nothing. Nothing to write about.

Seems like a crazy thought, but I'm sort of praying that God would give me something to write about again. My heart yearns for it.

Weekend Happenings: Holiday Style

2009-12-14T12:53:00.000-08:00

We had a busy weekend. (I kind of chuckle when I write that...as life always seems to be busy these days!) Lots of Christmas Season events.

Thursday night was spent watching Daria and Luke perform in their school's Winter Program. Our school is getting big enough that only half the school participated in the Winter Program. The other half of the school will perform in the Spring. Caden had fun sitting with me watching his siblings perform.

Their program this year was called "The Case for the December Symbols." It was staged like a court room and each symbol for the December Holidays stated their "case" as to why they were the greatest symbol. It was really well done and thus the kids were able to do a Nativity and sing Christmas carols. Fabulous!!

We were sitting in the wrong spot to get a good picture of Luke, but you can see him peeking out just over the shoulder of Judge Jessie!

Daria played the Menorah. (Now you come up with a Menorah costume. oh my!!!)

They did a wonderful job.

The kids also participated in their church Christmas program too. It was fun to see at least 2 of the 3 actually sing. I did see Luke's lips move a little....debatable if he actually sang though!!

I hate to say it...but I kind of thought that Luke looked like a girl! It didn't help the matter any that he was the only boy up there during his age groups songs! He was still pretty cute, though.

We also finally got our tree this weekend too. I was hoping to post some pictures...but the program isn't letting me. I'll try and add them in another post. I'm glad our busy weekend is over....but looking ahead to my busy week doesn't give me much hope of rest. I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve when all the bussle is done and the true celebration of being with family begins.

Thankful Thursday

2009-12-03T12:33:00.000-08:00

Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart.

Ah. It has been a long time since I posted me a Thankful Thursday post. It's about time I got back into the practice of it.

Today, and everyday, I am thankful for:

Our health. For a couple of weeks there, I thought for sure I would never have a healthy family again. But, God is good...and my kids and I are healthy once again. Then when I think of others battling life threatening diseases, I am thankful that all we suffered from was the flu and a bout of strep. God is good.

For my family. They really are treasures to me. Each one is a unique person with unique gifts; and, each one fills a unique place in my life. God is good.

My Moms In Touch friends. With kids being sick and Thanksgiving, I missed attending our group for a few weeks. Today, as I prayed with my friends, I was reminded what a blessing this group is in my life...and the life of my children. God is good.

In everything, Give Thanks.

Gifts, Promises, and Ingestion

2009-12-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

Gifts are fun to receive. I'm not sure there is anything better than to see a package under the Christmas tree. It is even more exciting when I see that the package has my name on it!! I even get a little thrill when I get a package in the mail...and it doesn't even have to be a birthday gift. A package with something I ordered on line is just as exciting.

In my BSF lessons this week, the discussion was on the verses in John 6 where Jesus says that we must eat His flesh and drink His blood if we want to experience eternal life. Having been raised in the church, I don't find this particular set of verses all that disturbing...until you start dissecting it and really start thinking about the literal thought behind. Really, to eat someone's flesh and blood would actually be kind of gross.

I loved the word picture here that our leader discussed today. It really placed a new emphasis on an old thought for me. Most cultures talk about taking information in and digesting it. We talk about devouring a good book. Or we digest a new piece of information. We ingest a new thought, we chew it over, and we assimilate (or not ) it into our thought banks. This is the very way in which we must accept Jesus and His truths. We ingest His truth. We chew it over...and then we swallow it.....we accept it. We assimilate it into our whole selves. Acceptance.

Sometimes I feel like I take Jesus' truths and they just sit on my tongue for just a moment. I've discovered this cool new medicine for my kids when they have colds. The medicine is in these thin strips. They place it on their tongues...take a sip of water....and POOF...its gone. Best modern day invention....ever. (At least from this Mom's point of view.) Do I take Jesus' truths like that sometimes....letting it only sit on my tongue for a moment before...POOF...its gone from my mind? Unfortunately, I'd have to say that is true more times than I would like to admit.

The one truth that I have had the hardest time ingesting lately, is the truth that God made me a promise. That promise is at least 5 years old. In the last year, I have forgotten that promise over and over. Lately, God has been reminding me that He made me a promise. God even gave me a verse that basically said that He made me a promise and I will fulfill it. I'm having trouble finding that verse but I hope to find it and post it soon.

Today, God reminded me of His promise with a precious gift. I woke this morning with the skies so dark. That is my least favorite part of Oregon winters. As I was sitting in the sanctuary of a beautiful church this morning, I watched the sun play beautiful lights through the stained glass windows. It has been one of my favorite parts of that church building. Then I noticed. The light was playing on me. There is something about the bright sunshine shining in my face that instantly lifts my spirit. I noticed it right in the middle of the discussion about ingesting God's word and making it a part of us.

God's gift...His promises. Ingest it, Christine, chew it up, and swallow it.

WhatIf?

2009-11-30T17:05:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of the school year, Daria's teacher had a fun writing exercise. It is a WhatIf poem. The way it started and ended really spoke to me. The object was to write one real concern followed by a rhyming silly concern following the opening introduction. I had thought about writing my own WhatIf poem, but never got around to it. It may become a regular feature on my blog as I attempt to get back into the habit of writing. I miss it.

I really enjoyed Daria's WhatIf poem. I wanted to "publish" it back at the beginning of the year. I kept waiting...and waiting...for it to come home. Tonight, Daria placed a stack of papers on the counter to be recycled. I decided to see if there was anything in there that I wanted to keep. There, in that pile of recyclables, was Daria's What If poem. So here it is:

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
And pranced and partied all night long
They sang their old Whatif song:

Whatif I don't do good in school?
Whatif I turn into a fool?
Whatif I get laughed at?
Whatif I get hit by a bat?
Whatif my teacher does not care?
Whatif I get chased by a bear?
Whatif I forgot my things?
Whatif Santa fails in all he brings?
Whatif I slip in the mud while I play?
Whatif the boogey man is here to stay?
Whatif our class becomes one girl less?
Whatif my room stays a mess?
Whatif I don't finish my homework on time?
Whatif eating ice cream was a crime?
Whatif I forgot my lunch?
Whatif marshmallows made a big crunch?
Whatif my mom forgets to pick me up?
Whatif a mouse ate a buttercup?
Whatif I get sick?
Whatif I jump to the ceiling and stick?

Everything seems swell, and then
The nighttime Whatif stricks again!
by Daria Brandt

Personalities Continued

2009-09-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

God has often been described as the Hound of Heaven. Hounds are interesting dogs. Known for their hunting and tracking abilities. Thus, you could think of God as a unrelenting Pursuer of your Heart. If He wants you, He'll go to great lengths to get you.

There is a lot about my personality that I have found lacking. I'm not one of those sparkly people that lights up the room when I enter. I'm not overly charming and polite. I'm not so charismatic that people are drawn to me and remember me for my wit. As I alluded to yesterday, I really am quite the royal pessimist and it plays out not so great in my personality. In fact, sometimes I find my personality down right ugly. There are many aspects of it that I wish God would go ahead and change already.

*sigh*

Funny that I have been thinking about personality lately. Actually, God is quite funny. I've just recently been attending Bible Study Fellowship. We are studying the Gospel of John. Today we have been studying the first 5 verses:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

Along with Colossians 1:16:

For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.

We were asked to find additional information in the Colossians verse that was not in the John verses. One of the things that I focused on that all things were created by him....for him. Then I was struck by the next question in our study: "How does this relate to all true fulfillment of human personality?"

I think I read that question a half a dozen times. As I thought about all of my answers, I really wasn't sure...except the "created by him and for him." Did they really mean my personality? I suppose they did since God has been making me dwell on how personalities accept grace.

It is probably going to take a while for me to fully grasp that God made my personality. And He made it for Him.

There's a lot there.

Personalities and Grace

2009-09-24T12:44:00.000-07:00

This is a topic that I have been thinking a lot about the last couple of days. I often think that God puts a thought in my head for a reason. Okay...I understand that. What to do with that topic and how to apply it to myself, I'm not sure. Especially when I think about my own personality.

Not pretty.

I have two sons. Beautiful boys, both of them. And talented, too. God gave them to me as a gift...and they are gifted. (Ok...I'm their Mom, I can say that!) After the second one was born, God gave me a verse for him....that I know applies to him...as well as his brother and sister. For that matter, I suppose that it applies to me, as well.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

I've been reminded of this verse a lot this last month. It is my hope, right now. But, I digress.

As I said, my two sons are precious to me. I find them to be priceless treasures in my life. And they are so vastly different. I am amazed that two little boys that look so much alike....can be so very different. I had someone in the store last week ask me if they were twins. Okay...they look a like...but not that much!!

My oldest son is a sharp little man. He can be so serious and so focused. On the soccer field, he has the focus unlike any other boy on the field. Some are busy looking at the crowds, the clouds, and prancing around like the testosterone-flooded men they will become. Caden, he's a rock. With that seriousness comes a drive for perfection. Sort of. In some ways. That trait never quite plays out in the areas his mother would prefer. Life, for him, should be just as he ordered it. His morning toast, toasted and buttered just so. Snack provided at just the right time. Things learned and accomplished at the expected rate. Unfortunately, the down side to trait, is that when things don't go his way, it is the end of the world. For him. My prayer for him, is his glass won't always be half empty.

In some ways, Luke is like his brother. He has focus.....when he wants to. To Luke, everything is an adventure. He finds joy in just about anything that comes his way. Sometimes, I see him get a little bogged down with the injustices of life...but usually that is a quick storm for the next adventure waits just around the corner. He is the life of the party...and is quick to reach out to others and get them involved in his schemes. For Luke, his glass is almost always half full.

This is where I got thinking about personalities and grace. Luke extends grace so much quicker than his brother. Granted, he is only 6 and his revenge can be extended just as quickly!! But, usually the offense is over fairly quickly. He can be mad as dickens at me one moment, and the next be wrapping his arms around me and telling me that he loves me.

Grace is a lot slower in coming for Caden. He can dwell on an offense with a focus that is daunting. He is very slow to forget. For instance, his toast wasn't perfect a couple of days ago, and the last couple of mornings, I've been prodded about that. This morning, he just didn't want toast at all and wanted something different. Slow grace.

*sigh*

As I was thinking about my boys and their ability to forgive and extend grace, I wondered how that affects their being able to experience and express the grace of God. As much as I hate to admit it, my personality is a lot like Caden's. I can remember an offense for a long, long time. Wounds from others stick with me with a menacing tenacity. I even struggle with extending grace to myself for the stupid, very human, mistakes that I do.

Sometimes, I even find it hard to accept God's grace. I have always heard that it is prideful to think that God isn't able to handle our depravity. I know that God can handle it....I just doubt my ability to let it go and allow Him to change me. Glass half empty.

*sigh*

So there is where my thoughts have been. Do our personalities affect how easily we can accept God and His gift of Grace? Do some people have an advantage over us pessimists? What is the value in being such a pessimist? I'm sure there are lessons in there somewhere that I have yet to uncover. Right now, I'm in the "That Stinks" phase of it. I want the Old Self to be gone instead of being an aching thorn in my side.

And then this week, at BSF, I was reminded that our faith is a continual process and expansion. Never on this earth will we be at the end of our adventure with Jesus. I haven't yet reconciled that battle of that being a comforting idea....or a very discouraging idea.

And so it goes.

2009-09-11T13:55:00.000-07:00

Shame: a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.

Shame:

destroys
corrodes
weakens
persists
immobilizes
weighs down

I could go on.

I can't.

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering 
Though there's pain in the offering 
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Under My Porch

2009-06-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when we spend time at my parents' house, my dad will have a project for the kids to work on. One year, it was bird houses. So, way up in a couple of our trees, we have a couple of brightly colored bird houses. One of them is right outside our front window, so I can see it pretty easily. In all this time, I don't think any bird has ever taken a fancy to one of our brightly colored homes. I thought maybe once I saw a bird fly out....but I think I was mistaken. The fact there no one ever adopted our beautiful homes has often been a disappointment and a puzzlement to my kids.

This year, we discovered a fun little surprise under our porch. Tim noticed one day that a bird had made a nest on the support beam. It was the day that I noticed that I thought I saw evidence of moles in our yards, that Tim told me about the nest. Why??? Because that precious little bird made her nest right on top of Tim's mole trap. Crazy little bird.
If you notice the blue object in the picture, that is the trap. I've been spooked a couple of times when I have walked into the back yard when the Mama Bird has flown away. With the amount of time, and the craziness of our play in the yard, I've wondered if we had chased the Mama away. Apparently, we hadn't.

I asked Tim to take a couple of pictures the other day so that I could post them here on my blog. To our surprise, the Mama must have been feeding them when he went out because those little buggers were sticking their heads out good. We think there might be 5 of them in there. You can count for yourself.

They are soooooo cute. We've peeked a couple of times through the cracks from the top of the deck, and those babies are so still. I'm amazed. It must be a defensive thing. I'm also amazed that Mama Bird can even get in that nest. It looks crammed!!

Anyway, that is our fun Spring find this year. Not in our beautiful bird houses....but under our porch, perched on our mole trap.

Cool, huh?

Ending of a Good Saturday

2009-06-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I love about school being out is that there isn't the push to get the kids into bed. There is liberty. But it also means that we tend to be a little more tired sometimes. Especially when we feel a need to wake up on "school time" rather than on "summer time."

Since school was out on Thursday, the kids have had a pretty busy social schedule. Thursday night was the End of the School Year party at school. After spending the whole evening partying, they were up until after 10:00 that night. Friday night, Daria had a friend sleep over and we stayed up to watch Sound of Music until after 10:30. Then Saturday, they were up on their "school schedule," off to Caden's final indoor game for this session.

We came home, ate some lunch, and went on a bike ride, played at creek for a while and came home. Apparently it was a long day. Since we had Sound of Music checked out from the library, and it had "bonus features," I chose to hide away and watch some of them while the boys crashed in the living room watching TV. I came out around dinner time to see what everyone wanted to eat. This is what I found:

Each little man was sacked out in their little space. Tim wanted me to believe that he wasn't asleep, but I don't believe him. By the time I got the camera around to him....this is what I got:

Whatever. The turkey.

I guess that is the evidence of a Saturday well spent. Can't get better than that!

School's Out!!

2009-06-05T10:55:00.001-07:00

When I was a kid, a school year lasted an eternity. Or so it seemed. As a mother of kids, I blink and the year is gone. In a flash. I swear it was just yesterday that I was delivering them to their first days of Second grade and Fourth Grade. Yesterday, I brought them home as a Third Grader and a Fifth Grader. FIFTH GRADE!!!!! Yikes.

I love the way our school ends the year. They have what they call Stepping Stone ceremonies. It is simply handing them a stone...a note of the year accomplished that steps them up to the next level in life. The teachers do a wonderful job stating to each child of how they noticed growth develop in each child. What a wonderful way to end the year.

It was definitely a proud Mama day for sure.

It was also a bittersweet day for me as well. I couldn't help but mourn again the loss of this school year for Luke. I've had to remind myself over and over again that really we gave him the gift of time and hopefully it will be to his advantage. I know that I need to stop thinking about what should have been...but yesterday that was very hard. I hope that someday I can lay down those nigglings of regret and be completely at peace with our decision.

So now enters Summer. Summer with a Capital S. I have plans for things to be different around here. Things that will hopefully benefit my children...as well as make things easier for me. I am hoping to make memories....proactively instead of waiting for them to happen. I'm praying for a Take Action kind of Summer.

Yep...school's definitely out.

Break My Heart

2009-06-04T06:55:00.000-07:00

Even though I have put out posts here and there, really for the last several months, I've been silent. Not really sure why....until recently.

I've lost faith in myself. And today it has hit me like a ton of bricks.

Today should have been Luke's graduation from kindergarten. I know that I shouldn't think of it like that...but I do. I had hoped that when we pulled him from kindergarten...that he would lose his identity to his class. Yet he hasn't. They still notice him....he still notices them. He still calls them his class. He has always known that he was going to finish kindergarten later....but yesterday...he just realized that his class was going to be in 1st grade while he was still in kindergarten. It broke my heart to hear his tears.

His first thought was to ask if he could catch up. At first, I told him that he couldn't...but his tears just got harder. So...I told him that if he worked hard...and never gave up....then maybe he could catch up. He seemed to eventually soak that in. I'm hoping that he really takes it to heart and next year will be different. I'm deathly afraid that next year will be just the same. And then what? I can't keep him in kindergarten forever.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've come to realize that this whole kindergarten fiasco has been the catalyst for so much other stuff in my life. And it all boils down to that loss of faith. Subconsciously, I think I've allowed this to defeat me. Failure seems to be my nemesis. I fear it...so I don't attempt it. I make excuses. I procrastinate far greater than I ever did before. I've lost face with others. I've given up on things that I love because I find that others do it better....so why try. Obligations, of any size, seem to overwhelm me.

I even have failed at being the Tooth Fairy for the last two nights. Ugh.

I'm not sure how to fix it. I know I won't be going to a shrink....even though I probably should. Since I'm starting to realize its roots....I know I'm going to be doing a lot of praying about it. Nothing is impossible with God. Even me. Last night, I started praying that God would give me my words back. I'm hoping for a change.

So...there is my dirty laundry out for all to see. It's hard to hide when its laying right there. I'm anxious to see where God goes from here. In the meantime, I'm off to help my Daria and Caden celebrate their last day of school.

Countdown begins for Luke's re-entrance to school. Lord, help us.

The Results Are In!!

2009-05-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to get on her since yesterday and share the news regarding Daria's soccer tryouts. Just a moment ago, I just had a revelation that I hadn't done that yet!! I have been so busy getting ready to head out of town to a cousin's wedding, that I totally forgot!!

Monday night, after the second round of tryouts, we received a call from the A team coach from Sherwood. DARIA MADE THE TEAM!!!! Daria was so very excited. I came home from a meeting to see her dancing in the doorway. I figured it had to be good news. She so wanted to play for this coach and that was exciting to see her excitement. Tim wanted me to wait until it was "official" before I said anything on my blog. They posted it on the website....so now it is official.

God really is good. I should have known not to fret. If God had granted us peace about not going to Newberg....I should have known that He would have good things in store for Daria. Tim was also able to have a conversation with the coach about our rule of No Sunday Morning Soccer. She said that she could work with that....and it sounded like there may not be many, if any, Sunday morning games. Yeah. That has been such a huge concern for Tim and I and we were relieved to have that discussion with her so early on.

I am so proud of my Girlie. We are excited for the year to come. Below is an action picture that Tim took this last Spring season. She's in the red. Isn't she awesome????

Tryouts

2009-05-11T10:14:00.000-07:00

Daria's soccer tryouts started yesterday and continue this afternoon. My poor mind has just been consumed with it. It is honestly driving me nuts. I remember trying out for volleyball when I was a sophomore in high school. I don't remember being that nervous. I think it was because I knew I had a snowball's chance of making the team since they were only choosing 2 from my class.

But now....I feel like Daria has a really good chance. And then on the other hand...I feel like there is no way she'll make it through the political red tape that seems to be surrounding tryouts. I've been having a lot of conversations with God about it these last few days.

When Tim and I were wrestling with the Newberg decision last week, we came away feeling like God had directed us away from that decision. We had a great deal of peace about that. I have to keep reminding myself that being in Sherwood's tryouts was God's best for Daria. (At least in the small world of soccer!!) And yet I feel completely at the mercy now, of the coaches of Sherwood.

If I am honest, what I really want for Daria is for her to be on the "A" team in Sherwood. I want her to be validated in that regard. I know that I'm her mom and just a tad bit prejudice, but I think she is that good. It doesn't help that I don't want the Newberg coach to be able to say: "Ha...told you so. You made the wrong decision!" Oh my human heart is getting way too wrapped up in this Soccer Drama.

Last night, as I was doing my devotions, God was faithful. Isn't that just like God? The devotional that I was reading was so appropriate for my feelings. The author was talking about the difference between "getting what I wanted" and "getting what I needed." When my Moms in Touch friends were praying with me regarding our Newberg decision, we prayed that ultimately what we decided would be best for Daria's character. Maybe what Daria "needs" is not necessarily what I "want."

There is that conflict of "human wants" and "divine wants." So when my prayer jumps to praying that God would honor Daria with a spot on the "A" team, I quickly ask God to ultimately do what is best for Daria's character....what He wants for Daria. And to help me want what He wants...with no regrets.

Thankfully, Daria doesn't seem to echo my internal struggles. Ultimately, she just loves the game and wants to play and have fun. (To win, too, I'm sure!) We were both pleased to see who would be her coach if, by chance, she makes the "A" team. That was good for me to hear her thoughts on that. Neither of us were sure which coach would be the coach for the "B" team, but she seemed okay with that. And that....is an answer to last week's prayer.

Which reminds me again....God is faithful.

Soccer: The Conclusion

2009-05-06T21:25:00.000-07:00

I have been so relieved about our decision regarding Daria's soccer, that I haven't even taken the time to blog about it here. Not that my dwindling audience cares all that much....but for future reference, it is good for me to write about the conclusion.

Last week was one difficult week. I hadn't thought about soccer so much EVER in my entire life. I thought about it in the morning. I thought about it at lunch time. I thought about it at dinner time. And all the times in between. Then, Tim would come home, we would get the kids into bed; and, we would talk soccer. Until way too late at night. Ugh. I seriously struggled with the fact that something as inconsequential as soccer was occupying so much of my time, thoughts, and sleep. It's only soccer!!

On Thursday, when I had the nerve to ask my Moms in Touch friends to pray for SOCCER, one of my very wise friends said....it isn't just soccer....its her character, too. Here I was focused on which team would be best for Daria. Would the benefits of playing in another town for another coach outweigh the frustration of commuting her there two times or so a week? In all the hubbub of the decision, I had forgotten the importance of a coach on a child's character.

Ultimately, I am very thankful that God is in control....and that He gives wisdom freely when we ask....when we seek. God is faithful.

I find myself way to wrapped up, at times, in my feelings about Daria's playing. I find myself too caught up in wanting her to be the best....or to have the best for her. I find that I often have to temper my feelings and my thoughts and make sure they line up with what God would want. It is way too easy to get caught up in "the game" that surrounds our soccer world right now. With all that, I found that I wasn't really trusting my feelings in this whole decision. Maybe that is why it consumed me as much as it did. My main prayer last week was that God would give Tim wisdom and direction in this decision. I really felt like his levelheadedness was what was really needed to make the best decision. I felt like this wasn't an emotional decision.

When that coach was wooing us over to his team, he had a lot of nice things to say about Daria. As a mom, I was just eating them up. I think Daria is a good player...and I loved hearing that someone else, who knew the came, thought so too. Who wouldn't want to play for a coach who saw her potential? Even so, at times, during the week, I just felt "off" about the decision to go there. I hesitated to say anything, because I really felt like the decision and leading needed to come from Tim.

I wish that I could adequately describe the many factors that were swirling around last week. I was feeling totally confused....one minute totally on board for a club change. The next minute I would be devastated with the thought of leaving Sherwood. All week long I was like that. Tim seemed totally on board with the switch. Daria, totally loving the things the coach had said, was totally thrilled with the idea too. I just could not grasp why I couldn't find peace with the decision.

As always, God proves that He is right on time. Never late. And rarely early....but right on time. Friday was our deadline for telling the coach our decision. Oh how I hated that deadline. Tim had spent a good deal of time trying to talk to people who knew about this other coach. For some reason, I was desperate for him to talk to someone. Friday dawned...and Tim still hadn't talked with anyone. To me, it seemed like forever, but finally he talked with some people. Crazy boy. He forced me to wait most of the day before he shared with me the information he had found.

Ugh.

I won't go into the details of what we learned. We both came to the conclusion that this wasn't the best decision for our family....or for Daria. While we were talking, it felt like we were dancing around saying that without really saying it. I didn't want to out and out say that. In my mind, I was trusting in Tim's leading for the decision. Anyway, somehow we concluded that. (We are terrible decision makers....even when it is for where we go to dinner!!!)

I cannot even begin to describe the peace that came with that decision. Tim even remarked on it the next morning. I didn't confess that that was what I felt until he confessed first!! (I was so relieved at Tim's peace. I was almost giddy.) There are still moments where I wonder, but ultimately, I have peace. Daria was a little disappointed to hear of our decision. We had to ask her to trust us that we were making the best decision for her. She begged us to change our minds for the first day....but I haven't heard anything since Sunday.

God is good.

Now my thoughts have been consumed with Sherwood's tryouts. They take place this coming Sunday morning. (Mother's Day!!) I have been praying that God would just continue to be faithful in Daria' life....even in her soccer life. I am also praying that I will feel at peace at whatever happens. Daria has been busy this week preparing herself for tryouts.

I am anxious to see what God has in mind.

Oh the pressure.

2009-04-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

Soccer isn't that big a deal. Or at least it shouldn't be.

I love that my daughter loves soccer. I love that she is good at it. I get a lot of joy out of watching her play. I love to hear what other people say about her and her soccer skills.

But right now, it kind of stinks.

The pressure is on for us to make the decision. I really don't like the pressure. I would rather like to feel like the power is in our hands. When our hand is forced, I want to run.

It makes me thankful, again, that Tim is so level headed. I tend to run on emotions and sometimes my body blocks my thought processes. When I hear the jockeying, I cower; Tim steps up to the plate. This is a good example of when we work well together. I asked him the other night to handle this...and he is. I'm so glad.

So....right now Tim is doing a lot of talking with the coach. I'm not sure what will come of it. Probably another night of little sleep as we talk things through. Ugh.

It shouldn't be this hard. It's just soccer.

Things that make you go....Hmmmm.....

2009-04-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I've blogged about Daria and soccer. Not that she has stopped playing....just that things have settled down some. Things are starting to pick up again. Which is okay....but in the last couple of days there has been a lot of things to think about. Soccer shouldn't be this difficult for parents when she is only 10!!

This last month has been Spring Academy for her. I suppose it is like a soccer camp....but it really is just a preview for Classic tryouts. She has also been finishing up a Spring outdoor PDP session. As always she continues to amaze me and does an amazing job. She seems to be improving all the time...and that is a good thing!!

My biggest wish in the world of soccer has been that the selection of teams would be fair and based on the girls' playing abilities. The more I listen in and learn about it, though, I am finding that it is a very political thing....and it all starts back when the girls start playing soccer!! It is just ridiculously crazy. I try very hard not to let myself get carried away with the frustration of it all. It is so easy to get wrapped up in it all. Ultimately, I just want Daria to play with a good team, and for a good coach who we can work with and be respected for our point of view regarding church.

In this last outdoor session, Daria's team recruited a trio of girls from a Newberg team to play with them. Their coach came along too. These girls were excellent....and I knew of the coach from college. He played soccer for George Fox when I was a student. And through other George Fox/soccer connections, I have heard very good things about this coach.

The last couple of games, this coach has said very flattering things about Daria and her playing. Of course, being her mother, I think she is a fabulous player. She continues to amaze me with her abilities. Even so, I still soak up the things that people tell her directly....as well as the things that I overhear. There's just something about seeing and hearing that your children do well. Then on Friday night, at the End of Season party, this coach approached Tim and I about Daria coming to play on his team.

He said all the right things.

This coach believes that Daria should play on an A team. He was surprised that the A team coach in our town hadn't picked her up yet.....that she should be playing on their team. And not just playing.....but starting. He also said that he has a winning club. His team has gone to the medal rounds in every thing they have entered. He says that with a player like Daria....they could go all the way. Whose to know if he's right. A mom wants to believe all that....but who knows if he is just laying it on thick. He also said the he already knows what he would work on with Daria to make her from a good player....to a great player. Now that one I will agree with....the things that he talked about are things I see his daughter do. She is one classy player.

This presents a lot of things for Tim and I to think over...and a decision needs to be made by Friday. He presented a lot of other thoughts....like taking control of Daria's soccer future instead of letting the A team decide it for her. He said he really had picked up on the political factor between the two teams when they played a couple of weeks ago. We also talked with him about our stand on Sunday games during the church hour. He was very understanding of that. We have been very worried about that...especially after this current coach gave us so much grief for missing a game because of church.

So....all that to say....that I'm proud of my girlie. It is exciting to me that she is being noticed and asked for. Yet so much to think about and making sure we make the right decision for her...and our family. I laid awake way too long the other night thinking about it. The relative known vs. the relative unknown.

Hmmmm.....

Oh the Bliss!!

2009-04-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

I love the sun. I am not sure there is anything much better than a warm, sunny day after a long, dreary, gray winter. We have had that kind of weather this weekend. I'm in love.

Today has been a perfect day. For the first time in a long time, we had a day with no outside obligations. It was so nice. Our day looked like this:

Church.

Lunch.

And then the bliss......an afternoon of playing in the glorious sun with my family. AND....bonus....we were all actually in a pretty good mood. Must be something with that sun.

One of our favorite weekend activities is to go play around on the high school turf field. The sun must have brought out the city of Sherwood...all seeking to soak in the sun. It was busy!! We still managed to find a corner of grass and we played some soccer games. Luke even got involved. Usually he finds a quiet game of his own to play. He doesn't think he can keep up so he doesn't try.

And he was hilarious!!! He loves cell phones...and he had two in his hands. He was so kind as to share them with me!! Wasn't that sweet? We'd be in the middle of a soccer ball attack...and he'd yell: "Quick, Mom, trade!" And we would toss the phones. At other times, as he's running the ball around, he'd flip out his phone and start carrying on a conversation. WHAT??? You'd can't talk on the phone and play soccer at the same time? He's so funny some times!!

We had a good time.

After we wore ourselves out...and Tim burned off his testosterone by drop kicking a thousand balls....we decided that we were hungry for dinner. And shock of all shocks....Tim took us out for dinner!!! (And we had McD's hamburgers for lunch!!) The kids didn't even mind that it was at Taco Bell! (bonus!) And as we munched on our tacos, Tim just drives right on by the turn off for home and heads for Newberg.

Earlier in the day, I had made a comment that strawberry shortcakes were probably now in season at Burgerville. My favorite. So, where did he take us. To Burgerville.

Oh. My. Goodness.

And once we are there...not only does he order me a strawberry shortcake....but he orders ice cream cones for him and the kids.

**THUD**

And I must say that strawberry shortcake was pure bliss. The perfect ending to a wonderful day. It's been almost a whole year since I've had a strawberry shortcake from Burgerville!! And they've made them oh-so-much bigger. Yum. It was so yummy that I could have licked the container. But...I refrained.

And just rejoiced in the bliss of a perfect day.

Thankful Thursday

2009-04-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

To my faithful followers: No, you are not going insane. I did not get this written on Thursday like I wanted....but I post dated it so that it would fall on Thursday. The thoughts that are wrapped up in this post had been bubbling all week, and I'm just now getting to putting them down.

On Saturday, April 4, a friend of mine lost her brother-in-law. He was one of the three police officers that was gunned down in Pittsburgh. Her sister is only 27 years old, widowed with two sweet girls to raise on her own. I've been following the story for the last week. I'm not sure why it has struck me as hard as it has. Maybe it is because, in a round-about-way I "knew" her....and seen pictures of her family. It seems like every time I would read a story about this family, I would sit at the computer crying. I think one of the biggest tragedies of life is losing a spouse or child. All in all, my life has been pretty tragedy-free. Maybe that is why I have this suppressed fear that someday that tragedy is going to be mine.

I know before I left for Mexico I confessed that one of my fears was to have Tim or I die while our children were young. When I was pregnant with Luke, a friend of ours died in his sleep, leaving behind his little girl, who was Daria's age, and his wife. I just remember being shell-shocked with the absolute suddenness of it. Nothing about it felt right. Just as this Pittsburgh tragedy just does not feel right. At times like this, I wish that God would let us see the bigger picture, and His purposes. Yet, we are left to trust that God is still in control...and He knows.

As I have thought about this post for the last couple of days, it seemed like I had more eloquent words to express my thoughts. Yet, when I get down to actually typing it out, all the thoughts come out jumbled. All of that to say, that I must, constantly, express my gratitude for the gifts that God has blessed me with...for tomorrow....they could be gone.

So, today I am thankful for:

My Tim. I am so thankful for his health. For his consistency. For his faith. For his faithful provision for me and our children. Each day with him is a gift.

My children. Sometimes they drive me crazy with the bickering, but they are precious. They are brilliant. Charismatic. Hilarious. Beautiful. Each day with them is as gift.

For each day. For each day that God gives me here, I am thankful. Even for the days where things don't go the way I want them. For the days that I am tired. For the days I am overly busy. For the days that I feel overworked. For the days that I get to celebrate any ol' thing. Each day is a gift.

Some times I feel like my Thankful Thursdays are terribly repetitive, but this week, I have felt confirmed that I need to acknowledge these things constantly.

Lest I forget.

Thankful Thursday....Mexico Serve Trip Style

2009-04-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

I had hoped to get on here today and continue my Mexican saga, but my tummy has been doing an extra Mexican jig today...so no new Mexican post. But after coming off a week that I just experienced, I couldn't let this Thursday go by without expressing some gratitude.

Today for Moms in Touch, we praised God for being faithful. The evidences of His faithfulness fills my heart with gratitude. As I go way back to basics for my thankfulness, I wish that I had the pictures to adequately show why I am so very grateful. Out of respect to the people we visited, I do not have pictures....only the pictures that are engraved on my heart.

So, today I am very, very thankful for:

My family. One night, during our fireside talks, we were encouraged to think about what makes us feel secure. We were asked to think hard about that. Does what you think makes you feel secure really make you secure....or does it just bring you comfort? Wow. All those things that I thought was security...when I got honest with myself...was really comfort. What my security really boiled down to, outside of my faith in Jesus, was my family.

My home. I know...this is purely a comfort item....but I am so thankful for my home. After seeing the homes that these people lived in...after seeing these homes that other mothers were attempting to keep their own children secure....I was reminded of how very, very blessed I am. I have always been thankful for my home....but this was different. I can't even begin to explain.

Tim's job. One night, our group had the privilege of delivering food baskets to some very poor families. The story that we were told was that these families were living in these "apartments" that were owned by their boss. These homes were theirs to use as long as they continued to work for this boss. This same "generous" boss was also 3 weeks behind on paying these very, very poor families...at times he has been 5 weeks behind. I came away doubly reminded of how very, very blessed we are.

My job. Because of Tim's job, and our commitment to our finances, I am blessed to work as a Mom. Sometimes I am not very grateful for this job. The Atta-Girls can be very few and far between. But, it is a blessing that I have the freedom to be an active part in my kids' lives. That I can spend an afternoon working at their school. That I can take a morning and attend a field trip. That I can be here when they wake up and get them ready for school. That I can be there, waiting in carline, ready to pick them up after school. That I can be there to listen to their frustrations and help them with their homework. That I can be here to brush their teeth and pray with them at bedtime. That I can be here. It is a gift....a comfort.

My kids' health. One day, I was allowed the privilege of holding a little boy while he slept. His sister would carry him to the VBS that we were putting on for the migrant settlement that we were visiting. I understood that she was his caregiver during the day while her parents were working in the fields. The first two days that we were there, the sister wouldn't let anyone care for him while she played. On Wednesday, he had fallen asleep in her arms, and someone finally convinced her to release him so that she could play. As she played, like any little girl should have the privilege to do, I held him. He was so tiny....though I'm guessing he was older than his size let on. As I looked at him, something told me that something wasn't quite right with him. No proof....just a gut feeling. My heart broke as I looked at him. I wanted to bathe him. Wash his dirty face. Lotion up his dry and scabby arms. And I was reminded of how very thankful I am for my kids and the health that God has granted them. A comfort.

Okay. I guess this did become a continuation of my Mexican saga. Guess I should have known that......because God is faithful.

Coming Home

2009-04-01T15:12:00.000-07:00

After spending approximately 50 hours in a bus with 16+ people and traveling approximately 2500 miles (round trip), I'm home from Mexico!

Shannon and I in our "spots." Creatures of habit...all of us!!

Occasionally, the faces changed...but my view for many an hour.

And through it all, God was faithful. When I am truly honest, I expected nothing less from Him. It is me who does the scrambling.

What a week. I have much to say on the subject....and lots of pictures to go with it! (I just counted up 42 pictures to share...and that is just a smatter of the highlights!!) For the last couple of days since I have been home, I have been overwhelmed with how to summarize such a week. To put it all in one post would be just ridiculously long...and completely insufficient. So to help me get over the largeness of the task ahead, I decided to break the week up in many posts. So, if you want, keep coming back to hear more.

To begin to summarize, I couldn't help but start with the ending.....Coming Home. After my departure post that talked about my fears of leaving on such an adventure, it seems only appropriate to talk about God's goodness in Coming Home. Isn't that what our life should be? A testament to God's faithfulness through our scrambling fears and all-too-human thoughts?

One of my "fears" was leaving my kids for as long as I did. For the last 10 years, my life and daily happenings has been defined almost solely by my children. What do I do and who am I when I am not with my children? Or thinking about my children? Or planning around my children? I think that my longest stretches of leaving them has been for a long weekend to Women's Retreat, which is 2 half days and 2 whole days. I was gone to Mexico for essentially 8 whole days.

God is faithful. I know that I am not irreplaceable. Other people are just as good, or better, at washing clothes, keeping house, making meals...etc. But, in my household, that has been my job. And no one loves my children more than I do. (And who wants to know that you can be replaced!?!) I left my children knowing that the next best thing to me was going to be there caring for them.

On the weekends, Tim did a great job doing his Daddy-thing. It sounds like they had a great time together! On this last Sunday after coming home, something happened that revealed to me that my time away was a good thing for my children and their daddy. Caden took a fall on his rollerblades, and had a cut big enough to cause some bleeding. Usually, when my children are hurt, it is my name that they yell. That day? They yelled for Tim. "Dad, Dad, come quick. Caden is hurt and he needs you!" I did the best thing for the situation. I stayed right where I was and let Tim handle it. It was a good thing.

During the week, while Tim worked, I was blessed to have my parents come and do their Grammy-and-Papa-thing. Bonus on top of all that was the arrival of Auntie Tresa and The Cousins, Alyssa and Kyle. It sounds like it was a whirlwind of adventures, exciting times and trips to McDonald's! I'm kind of sad that I missed the Hoopla....but I guess it was because I was gone that the Hoopla happened!! Good times. Good memories. Thanks, Mom, Dad, and Tresa. You were a blessing.

I would suppose that it was the knowledge that my kids were left in such great care that I really didn't worry about my kids. I don't think it was until Thursday, as we drove by, in the light, some homes that we had visited the night before in the dark, that I really missed my kids. I had thought of them and wondered what adventures they were experiencing, but I hadn't really missed them yet. On that Thursday, I just wanted to grab them up in my arms and hold them tight. They are a huge part of the blessing that I was reminded of while I was in Mexico. I missed my kids.

On Friday, after crossing back into the United States, my friend was wonderful enough to share her cell phone with me and I was able to call home and talk to my family. It was so good to talk to them. I was sort of worried that they would be too busy with Grammy and Papa to give me much notice on the phone, but it was music to my ears to hear Luke express his thoughts. After telling me about a few exciting things, Luke declared: "Mom, I think I kind of miss you." Wow!! That did my heart good, especially after he responded "O.K." after I told him that I loved him!!

Saturday, our last day of travel, was a tedious, antsy day for me. I just wanted to be home. It hadn't helped that I hadn't slept much the night before and was tired and a bit cranky. Every stop was a testing of my patience!! I had a good day of practicing restraint. Okay. I wasn't really that bad, but there was a part of me that desperately wished that I was Samantha of Bewitched and could just twinkle my nose and be home!! I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to pull up the driveway of the church, hearing the bus' horn scream out the cheers bursting in my heart, knowing that my family was waiting for me right there!

Let me tell you, there is nothing better than being greeted by my children all clamoring for me at once. I felt like a celebrity!! I couldn't hug them or kiss them nearly fast enough. I had a whole week to make up for, you know! For the rest of the evening, they were all talking to me at once, trying to tell me everything at once. "Mom, why aren't you listening to me????" "I don't know...you are all talking to me at once!!" Everyone was touching me and hugging me as if they were as hungry as I was to be with them. Even though it was exactly what I needed, it exhausted me too. Not sure why, all I did was sit in a bus all day!!

It is so good to be home. My own bed. A hot shower. Familiar foods. A beautiful home. Renewed gratitude. It is good.

Yet, I can't believe how hard it has been to get back into the swing of things. I sort of feel lost in my own home. The kids were missing some items and asking me where they were. How was I suppose to know??? I hadn't been around for 8 days! My mom also did a little rearranging in my cupboards....good...but sometimes I feel lost!! But it sure is nice to be home again.

I have been really tired this week. I probably need to just crash super early some night since my regular sleep schedules don't seem to be enough to catch me up. I've just been a puddle this week. It hasn't helped that my tummy, and other things south of that, have been off a tad this week. I know...more information than you needed. Yet with all that, I can't complain.

Have I mentioned yet that it is good to be home?

Life and Faith

2009-03-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

Once a year, Tim takes a bike trip that sends my prayers and my faith into a dither. Our church holds a church picnic out at Tilikum, our church camp. For whatever reason, Tim always likes to ride his bike out there. When the kids were littler, and could still fit in the bike trailer, he would take one or two of them along with him. I always hate that ride.

The last few miles of this trip to the camp is on a two-lane road with NO shoulder....lots of hills and valleys that leaves a very short sight distance. When I come after Tim in the van with all the stuff for a day at the camp, I take the path that he would ride just in case something happens. And that is where my faith gets a little unnerved. I have horrible visions of coming to the top of a hill, or rounding a corner to see Tim mangled along side the road. My visions were really horrible when he would have the kids with him. So...every year, as Tim prepares for this trip, I plead with him not to go. And every year, he just smiles at me as he takes off on his bike. And for a couple of hours, I'm just sick until I see that he is well and whole at the other end.

Today, I am leaving on a trip. A very long trip. I will be spending a total of approximately 48 hours, over the next week, in a van on my way to Mexico. I haven't even begun to calculate how many miles that will be....because that just feels overwhelming. The hours alone just about makes me squirm out of my seat!!

For the most part, I am excited about this trip. I last went on a service trip to Mexico back when I was in college. It really was an amazing experience. I loved every minute of it. Even though I dread the long hours in the van, I truly believe that it is going to be an amazing trip. I am excited to see what God is going to do on this trip, not only in my own life, but also in the lives of the kids that are going. It is going to be cool to see things on the other side of this week.

Then there is the other side of my heart. In the ten years that I have been a mom, I have never left my kids for this long. The very practical side of me tells me that they will have a wonderful time celebrating Spring Break with my parents, my sister, and her family. I'm a little jealous of their time together this coming week....but then I remember that the only reason this came together is because I am leaving the country!!! No fair! In all that though, there is this side of me that is terrified that in all those many, many hours on the road, that there will be an accident that will take me away from my family.

I know. I know. Faith is required here. But just because I have faith does not mean that tragic things won't happen. I also know that heaven is far more wonderful than anything here on earth. But to imagine my kids going through life with a loss as tragic as losing a parent....that sucks. Kids lose their moms all the time. There is no guarantee that I will make it back to my family. I could go on....but I'm not helping myself here.

As my time of departure draws nearer...(I leave in 2 hours!!)....I just pray a little more for the safety of our trip. I pray for my kids that they will have a week full of great memories. I hug my kids a little tighter....munch on them a little more often....and hope that it all holds us over until I come home again.

Adios, mis amigos!! I hope to have a fabulous update in a little over a week. Most likely I will shower first....and then post!!

Happy Spring Break!

Thankful Thursday

2009-03-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

Since it has been a while since I have posted a Thankful Thursday post, and I will be out of the country next Thursday, I thought it was pretty important that I get one in. I really need to get back in the swing of being thankful. It is so very important for keeping my head on straight.

So...today I am thankful for:

The opportunity to go on a mission trip to Mexico with our youth group. Honestly, there are some parts about the trip that I'm not too thankful for....but I know that it will be a wonderful experience. I am going to try to blog tomorrow about some thoughts running around in my head about that. I need some prayer.....

For my parents who are coming out of their way to help care for my kids while I am gone. That really helps me be able to leave them for so long. They may need some prayer.....

That my kids will make some wonderful memories with their Grammy and Papa. That helps me, too.

For my husband who was a huge part of the reason why I decided to go. If he hadn't encouraged me, I probably wouldn't be going.

For the young man who asked me to go in the first place. That he even wanted me along in the first place means alot.

For my precious Moms In Touch friends who are praying for me.....for my husband....for my parents....for my kids.

Much to be thankful for. I will probably be keeping track of all the things I am thankful for in the coming week. I'm gonna be reporting back, because I think its going to be a good week.

Something to be thankful for....

2009-03-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

My washer has been in its death throes for the last year or so. And it wasn't going quietly. Each wash sounded like a freight train barreling through my house. There was no doubt where the machine was in its cycle when the final spin was going on. I never liked to run it after the kids were in bed....I thought for sure that it would wake them up.

AND...it leaked like nobody's business. It was down right pathetic. It got to the point that I started putting towels under it to catch the water. I use to only have to use one towel per wash day. At the end, I was putting a new towel under there every load....and the towels would be soaked. Crazy. But, just like our old cars, Tim said that we were going to use it until it died.

Last Monday, it finally gave up the ghost. I went down after putting a load in to put it in the dryer. There it sat...humming...but no spinning. Clothes were soaked. No matter what I tried to do....it wouldn't work. After calling Tim, he informed me that he would look at it when he got home. That night, I had to leave for a meeting before I got to see "the verdict." But when I got home, Tim was researching new ones.

What?????

It gets even crazier. By Friday, I had a new washer sitting in my laundry room. A brand spanking new washer. For Tim, that is almost unheard of....especially so quickly.

No complaints. No arguments. I'll take it. Thank you very much!

Yesterday and today have been my first laundry days with my new washer. Can I just say WOO HOO!! It is so quiet. I can't even tell when it is done. In fact yesterday, I went down there and actually had to look at the lights to know if it was in the final spin or not. And it was!! It was so quiet. Unbelievable!! I can almost enjoy doing laundry now!

Needless to say, I am a happy housewife. Thank you, TimJ!

In This World

2009-03-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

This morning, as I've been getting ready for my day, I've been thinking of the song with the words:

"In this world you will have troubles, but I'm leaving you my peace, That where I am you may also be."

I think that I have been living in a bubble the last 10 years or so. Since I no longer work in the mainstream, my life revolves around my church and my church family. Even now, with my kids being in a charter school, I am finding that the moms who get in and get involved are Christian ladies. It seems like I have very little, or very limited contacted with "The World."

I'm finding that where my world intersects with The World is soccer. You can really meet some interesting people in the world of soccer. I am amazed at how many people allow soccer to consume them. Even though, as I see how good my daughter is becoming, I can totally understand the tendency.

My frustration with soccer lies in the fact that, at least in our area, Sunday is not sacred when it comes to setting up games. Not even Sunday morning is sacred. For the last year or so that Daria has been playing throughout the year, and thus a little more competitively, we have had coaches who have respected our decision to keep Sunday mornings devoted to God. In fact, I have felt truly supported in that regard. At times, they have even bent over backwards trying to reschedule games so that Daria could be involved.

For the last month or two, Daria has been playing with a coach that I have been a little nervous about. His reputation regarding his temper has not been very good. Tim and I talked about it long and hard that we would need to stand firm if there were Sunday morning games. A week or so ago, I was surprised to hear this coach ask us to consider allowing Daria to play in the one Sunday morning game that was in our current schedule. (Personally, I was feeling pretty fortunate that it was only one game.) Because I am so intimidated by this coach, I told him we would talk about it and let him know. Really, I was just passing the buck for Tim to handle.

So, Tim handled it last night. I'm not sure the coach was terrible happy with us. He sort of made it sound like the team had gone above and beyond to reschedule games so that Daria could be there, so maybe we could at least compromise. But then he went on to lay on the compliments. I feel bad that he might be put out with us, but this morning, as I thought about it, I was reminded of why we hold true to our values.

Long after Daria can no longer play soccer, I pray that she will have a faith that will stand the storms of life. I am also praying that God will honor our decision to remain true to Him even in these little things. Even though Daria seems to understand, I pray that she will see the true reward of honoring God first above all. I was also reminded to continue to pray for her future coaches...that they would honor and respect our decision to put God first.

If nothing else is gained, those commitment reminders for me is enough.

Oh my....

2009-03-11T16:23:00.001-07:00

Has it really been that long since I have posted on my blog????? How time does fly.

I think that my brain has been on vacation lately. Sounds great in theory. But in reality....oh my....so not good. I have been ditching responsibilities left and right. Not necessarily intentionally, just simply forgetting. Next thing you know...a week and half goes by.

But I love my blog. I miss unloading my thoughts on here. Like, today, Luke and I were sipping on some water as we waiting for our laundry to finish up at the laundry mat. (Old washer went belly-up, new one arrives on Friday) As Luke took a sip today, he says: "Mom, this water is so refreshing. Don't you think it is refreshing? Is all water refreshing? I think that all water is refreshing. Yes, it is refreshing." I swear....he said refreshing that many times!! So cute. So mature. (Didn't even know he knew the word refreshing!) Then he sat in my lap and sang "Muffin Man" and some of his own variations of that song. I loved hearing him actually say, perfectly, "Drury Lane." Ah....the peace that spoke to my heart. I know...silly....but it tells me so much of where he really is at.

And speaking of where Luke is....we are having success with learning out letters. That little man is so very stubborn. I took him a couple of weeks ago to have his hearing evaluated. His hearing is normal...and the speech therapist told me that his speech patterns and sentence structures are at age level....or ADVANCED. Yeah!! After working with him for the last couple of months, I have concluded that he just lacks the confidence in himself. I am praying against the lies that he has stored in his head. I'm trying to help him find value in the things that he is learning. When he assigns it a value....he learns. He is also LOVING reading. He has two particular books that are his favorites. We read them every night. He practically has them memorized....and they aren't particularly easy books to memorize.

I have lots of stored up stuff to say. I need to start carrying around a notebook, because I think of things when I am away from a computer. Then, when I'm tired, and I have slowed down enough to write, my brain can't think of them. I refuse to say that it has anything to do with getting older.....

Thanks for sticking with me. Things will get back to normal....soon. It is a promise I've made to myself. My blog is my therapy....and its cheaper than a psychologist!

If You Really Know Us....

2009-02-28T20:33:00.000-08:00

.....You'll find this comic strip all too funny. I think I just about snorted my oatmeal this morning when I read it.

I want royalties, you know. And I think I am going going to have my house scanned for bugs.

Trying Something New

2009-02-24T14:25:00.000-08:00

I'm getting brave.

I have a cousin who is probably one of the most driven people I have ever met. She has no fear of trying something new. It seems like she is always in the pursuit of conquering something new. I am in awe of her. I wish that I could be like her.

Me? I'm the coward. I'm the one who has all these dreams floating around her head. I'm pretty sure that few, if any of these dreams will ever come through. Lots of reasons. Money. Fear. Lack of motivation. Fear. Procrastination. Fear.

Catch the theme?

It is that fear of failure that just keeps me from even attempting to learn something new. Even with "schooling" Luke, I proceed with fear. I've already screwed him up, I'll probably screw him up more!! Each day I find myself beating down the thought of giving up. Yet there is a part of me that says that this is one area that I cannot give into fear and give up. That's why Luke and I are where we are. He was fearful and gave up.

So, I look at my cousin and all the things that she has done and I find myself motivated. She taught herself how to play the guitar. I haven't actually heard her play, but it sounds like she taught herself really well. So, I thought....if she can do it, so can I.

A few months back, I bought a CD/DVD kit on how to learn to play the guitar. I pulled it out last week and have committed to "practicing" every week day. I say practice lightly because I don't feel like I'm making a lot of headway. I've "learned" a couple of chords. But I can't transition between them very well at all. I struggle even with learning the right "tension" to place on each string. AND....my fingers HURT!! I almost feel like I'm losing feeling in them. I hope they toughen up!!

So. I've 'fessed up. I am hoping that with that confession will keep me honest. I will try to keep things posted as to my progress. Maybe God will speed my learning along. Wouldn't that be fun???

What a Mom Would Do.....

2009-02-17T20:47:00.000-08:00

We've all heard the extreme stories of what a Mom will do for her kids. We would eat scraps. Wear rags. Climb a mountain. Sacrifice our lives. And so the story goes.

Tonight....this Mom went to a whole new level in Motherly Sacrifice.

Daria is pretty awesome at soccer. She puts her poor mom to shame. I have had dreams where I played as good as she does. She seems to be naturally gifted that way. Beyond the practices that have been assigned to her by coaches, she really hasn't worked on her skills on her own. Unless you want to count playing against Dad on Sunday afternoons!!

One of the skills she needs to have for Classic Soccer is to learn to juggle. To me, juggling even with your hands is difficult....much less with your feet and a soccer ball. I've often tried to encourage her to practice that skill....but she has never liked to do it on her own. Yesterday, I decided that if she really needed to practice this skill....I would make it happen.

So tonight, I suggested that she and I do some juggling in the garage tonight. And that is what we did. Now....mind you....I've not played a stitch of soccer....unless you want to count playing against/with Tim on Sunday afternoons. BUT....I was in there practicing my juggling.

I was quite proud of myself. I actually did it about 4 times in a row a couple of times. I could fairly consistently do it 3 times in a row. I was even doing about as good as Daria most of the time. By the time Classic tryouts happen, I may just be the total Soccer Mom package!!

The bonus in the evening was just the fun that we had. Caden came out with us and dinked around with the balls, too. (Anything to get better at soccer!!) We laughed and had a great ol' time. I was a little surprised that Luke didn't come out and join us....but he was having a great time playing with his Rescue Heroes.

So...Here's to being a Mom. We really do do it all!!

Valentine Blessings

2009-02-16T20:49:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, my sweet Tim throws me for a loop. Guess you could call me a Roller Coaster gal....cause I really liked this loop!!

I really expected my Valentine's day to just be another date on the calendar. To say that Tim isn't a Romantic is an understatement. I've learned to just take what I can get. I certainly have learned to never expect anything grand for Valentine's Day. Totally a retail holiday.

The day started out pretty normal. Wished I could say that I slept in, but Murphy's law says that one must get up early when we want to sleep in. Even though I was up early, I was lazy....until we had to head out the door for Daria's two soccer games. (They won both...and Daria was amazing....again! Gosh, I'm proud of her!)

After we got home, the kids and I crashed a little bit while Tim helped the neighbor service the church tractor. That is pretty normal....but then he comes home and begins doing things that are extremely atypical for him. Like....picking up the living room. Putting things away in the kitchen. MAKING THE BED!!! And offering to buy pizza for dinner...even after we had to eat out for lunch between Daria's games!! Wow...he's being awfully attentive.

WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY HUSBAND??!!??

Then....he gives me my Valentine's gift. Wow. He actually got me more than a handwritten note!!! I'm shocked. I didn't think that I could be even more shocked...but when I opened it....I would have fallen over if I wasn't safely planted on the couch!! He bought me a Wii Fit!! I had just gone the day before trying to find one and they didn't have one. I couldn't have been more excited. Even the fact that he dashed to the store that day before Daria's game to get it didn't dash my excitement. Even the fact that the kids were just as excited and consumed for the rest of the time didn't dash my excitement.

As I was enjoying watching my kids' enthusiasm, I hear my kids yelling that someone was here. I look out the window to see Tim's sister and her husband drive up. Hmmmm. That's awfully interesting....for Valentine's day. Why would they be here to celebrate their Valentine's day??? I thought for sure that they were just here to say a quick hello. Then they come in and start settling in. I began to wonder if our one pizza would be enough to feed us all!! I wasn't sure what to think.

As conversation went, it slowly came out that they were here to babysit....while Tim took me out!! Well, blow me over! Quick....run in and change your shirt. My Soccer Mom sweatshirt doesn't cut it on a date with my sweetie!

So, Tim and I headed out to one of my favorite places, Burgerville. Nothing grand. But I did get to pick out anything I wanted off the menu this time!! That's awfully generous for my miserly hubby. And....we didn't have to wait for hours at a restaurant....or for Tim....we didn't have to pay a tip!! We had a good dinner....and good conversation. And....that IS good!!

We came home to let Jeff and Debbie go home and do some celebrating of their own. The kids needed baths for church the next day. And I wanted a turn on the Wii Fit. Even with the usualness of the evening, we had a good Valentine's day.

I felt blessed.

Thankful Thursday

2009-02-12T20:54:00.000-08:00

Gettin' down to business.....

Today I am thankful for:

Luke's desire to be read to. I have been amazed lately how much Luke has been enjoying reading. He use to have no desire to sit and listen to stories. Now he can't seem to get enough. Tonight we ready "Bad Kitty".....3 times, "Poor Puppy"....3 times.....and 2 Munschworks stories. I read for 45 minutes until my throat was sore....and he was still begging for more.

The "MITCH moms co-op" I have been participating with the last couple of weeks. We take turns watching kids, "teaching school" to preschoolers, and volunteering in the classroom. We get a lot done....and it lets me get back into volunteering in the classroom.

And I will say it again...and again...and again....I am so thankful for my Moms In Touch friends. I don't know what I would do without them. They are such an encouragement. They are definitely a bright spot in my week.

Happy Thankful Thursday!!!

Can you hear me now???

2009-02-11T21:55:00.000-08:00

I think one of my biggest frustrations in life right now is that I feel like I can talk until I'm blue in the face and not really be heard.

"What'd you say?"

That is what Tim would say right now if I verbally said it out loud. Of course, right now, he is sacked out on the couch....again.....and he wouldn't hear a word that I say. But that is a typical response of his when I ask him if he heard me. Of course, 99% of the time he is just teasing me. It is an time-old joke between him and I. I can't tell you how many times I took him seriously and repeated myself. I'm getting smarter. Either that or I've just been married to him for forever.

So maybe I shouldn't say that I wish that I was heard. I want people to listen. So maybe I should think for a while on what is meant by listened to. Can I feel like people have listened if there is no response? No acknowledgment. No change in behavior. Nothing.

What is the responsibility of the listener?

Then again, maybe it is the fault of the communicator. Maybe I have failed, again and again, to communicate well. But then again, are we only required to listen if things are communicated correctly, succinctly, and well? Is it possible to listen even when the point is stated poorly and in frustration?

Maybe my frustration lies in the secret desire I have to be understood whether I say anything at all. Sometimes I can't say what really needs to be said. Or the words fail me. Even then....can I be heard? I mean....really heard.

Or maybe I just really want to know that I've been heard. I mean really know. Even my prayers of persistency and desperation come from just wanting to be truly heard.

Enough of that. Gonna break that thought train. Rant over.

Family Fun

2009-02-10T21:03:00.000-08:00

This Christmas, I convinced Tim to buy our family a Wii. Of all the gaming systems out there, this is the only system that has remotely interested me. To move and wiggle instead of sit and jiggle seemed totally worth the money.

We actually missed getting one in time for Christmas, but due to a little bit of good timing, we were able to buy one a couple of weeks ago. The kids...and well...me, too....were really excited! For a while there, it was Wii frenzy around here. But as time has gone on....we aren't nearly as fanatical about it as we had been.

Okay....the kids aren't nearly as fanatical as they use to be. Me. I'm just getting started.

I have been having a blast. Now that the kids have cooled a little bit, I now find that I have time to play. The kids have even enjoyed watching me play. Even my wildly competitive son cheered for me today when I earned a gold medal on a game. Now that is a shocker!! Usually he's mad and out on a mission to be the best.

It was fun tonight watching my Tim rise to the his Ego's call. He's always Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected. Mr. Calculated. Because he is so stinking level-headed and calculated, he easily masters the games that leave the kids and I sweating and puffing. It is fun to see my oh-so-sober husband loosen up and have a blast playing the Wii. So cool.

I think tonight we had the best family time we had in a long time. No crying over someone losing. Laughing at each other attempting new games for the first time. And we all got involved. It was so much fun.

Next time I am going to have to remember to get the camera out. Click: Luke dodging wildly in the boxing, trying to show Mom how its done.. Click: Caden jumping wildly at a great shot in golf. Click: Tim being Mr. Joe Cool. Click: Daria grinning mischieviously.

Until the next fight breaks out over remote choices.....best purchase we've made in a long time.

For Me

2009-02-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

The other day I was singing a part of this song. I had never given it much thought before....but I couldn't get it out of my head. Then yesterday, every time I got in the van, this song was playing on the radio. I had heard it before....but now I really heard it. Now I know why I was singing it the other day. It was for me, this day.

ONE TRUE GOD

I don't have a God I can put on a stand
Or a God I hold in the palm of my hand
I have a God that's holding me
And I don't have a God that I can create
In the place I live with the money I make
I have a God, He made everything
So I don't need a temporary man made deity
When I got the real thing
I got the real thing

He's the Lord of all the earth
The maker of all things
He alone is the one true God
Kingdoms rise and fall
But even through it all
He remains
The one true God

I don't have a thing that I got on my own
I don't have a care that I carry alone
But I have a God who's carrying me
I don't have sin that He doesn't forgive
And I don't have a heart that is worthy of His
But I have a God who still loves me
So I don't need a temporary man made deity
When I got the real thing
I got the real thing

Who is this King of Glory
The Lord strong and mighty
Who is this King of Glory
The Lord strong and mighty
Who is this King of Glory
Who is this King of Glory

Jill of All Trades

2009-02-02T16:45:00.000-08:00

Master of None.

I've always wanted to be really good at something. Not just okay. Or even good. I mean really good. Excellent. Over the top. Superb. Maybe even, dare I say it, the Best. (hmmm....there seems to be a little shame associated with wanting to be the best. Interesting.)

The things of life, for the most part, have come fairly easily for me. I guess that is a good thing. I can do a fair amount of things fairly well. I have a knowing inside that says that I could do just about anything if I gave it a try. The only thing I really lack is that it never has given me the push to succeed. The drive to be excellent. I've always just worked hard enough to be good enough. Good enough to get the A. Good enough to get the pat on the back. The sticker on the page. Approval.

As I think about this, I also find that there is fear in being fairly good. There is fear of failure. Fear that if I push to go beyond good, I will find that I can't. The quote on my calendar for the past month has been: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a....fool about it." W. C. Fields. I guess that I fear being the fool, so why try.

I find myself very envious of others and their skills and gifts. I love to see how others use those gifts. Unfortunately, when I see their successes in areas I would love to be good at...I find I want to run away. (I know....I totally see the ridiculousness of that statement. But what is, is. I never said all my thoughts were good ones! Ha!) I might even think that I am pretty good at something...until I find someone who is better. Which is never hard to find.

So, here I sit. If someone were to ask me what I am gifted at, I couldn't answer. I can do a lot of things fairly well. But there isn't one thing that I could say that I do very well. (Except for complaining or procrastinating...but I don't think that would really be what they meant!) For the last month, I have been attempting something that I thought that I could do fairly well. Life, of course, never goes quite like you plan...most of the time. I'm panicking. I'm doubting. I want to run away, plug my ears...........la la la la la.

It is hard to wrap up a transparent post like this. I'm sure that my family is taking notes for the Insanity(with a capital I!) case they are building for my defense. The next extended "quiet space" my blog encounters may be due to the fact that they've had me committed until all this craziness has been eradicated, erased, and reprogrammed.

Until then:

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 5:10.

Recipe for Frustration

2009-01-29T22:01:00.001-08:00

I am tired. Physically tired. This has been a week full of nasty mornings. Dragging myself out of bed each morning has been a chore. A Chore with a Capital C! Even as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, I am dreaming of when I can crawl back in again. Those are nasty mornings.

To top it off, right now I feel like I might be on the verge of a nasty cold. I long to crawl into my bed where it is warm and cozy. The only thing is, Luke decided he couldn't sleep in his bed, so he asked to sleep in mine. I'll move him as soon as I know for sure he is asleep. I chose not fight him on it because I just wasn't up for the battle. Minor on the minors.

The next best thing to crawling into bed is to snuggle on the couch with a good book and soak in the peace and quiet. As soon as I settled myself in I find that Tim has fallen into an old time habit of falling asleep on the couch. Normally that is not bother to me. Tonight.....he is snoring to beat the band.

Gratin' on my nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard.

So, I'm tired. I'm cold. I feel less than stellar. And all my creature comforts have been compromised.

Aaaarrrggghhh!

Thankful Thursday

2009-01-29T21:56:00.000-08:00

To put it simply....

Today I am thankful for Hope.

Quote of the Week

2009-01-27T12:28:00.001-08:00

This quote just POPped at me this week. Spoke volumes to me about a lot of things.

A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.

Daria's List

2009-01-26T09:07:00.000-08:00

Since Daria inspired my previous post about my 25 random things. I decided that it would be fun to post her Alphabet Descriptive words that she came up for herself. I found it to be insightful....and slightly amusing.

Artistic

Beautiful

Colorful

Daring

Elegant

Fancy

Giggly

Hilarious

Impossible (yup.)

Jumpy

Kind

Liking other people.

Magnificent

Nice

Obnoctis (I believe that she meant obnoxious. Yup.)

Pretty

Quick

Ridiculous

Silly

Tender

Unbelievable (yup.)

Violent (yup. Seen it in soccer...and with her brothers!!)

Weird

X-ray. (not sure what she meant here. I think it was the only word she could think of that started with x!)

Young

Zig-zagger.

That's my girl. I'm so proud of her.

Two for the Price of One: 25 Random Things

2009-01-26T08:55:00.000-08:00

There is a rage going around Facebook: post 25 Random Things about Yourself. After being tagged like a kazillion times, I posted it on my profile. Not to waste a somewhat decent idea, I decided I would post the same 25 things on my blog.

Daria, this weekend, made a list of words that described her. She came up with a word for each letter of the alphabet. So, in keeping with her idea, I came up with a random thing with each letter. I am changing U....because I didn't understand how to tag other people on Facebook...and that is what I said. Anyway.....

Am an avid reader. I go nuts if I don't have a book to read.

Being a stay at home mom is a blessing. I'm not sure I could do it all if I worked too.

Cleaning is one of my least favorite chores. It feels like such a waste of time because no one appreciates it and it needs done again tomorrow.

Don't know how to play the guitar. I want to desperately......

Every morning is difficult to face. I hate mornings. Once I'm up, I'm okay....but I sure don't like getting there.

Friends are so valuable. Wish I were a better one.

Going to Hawaii....or Israel....would be a dream come true.

Hearing my son sing songs during church makes my heart soar.

I think my husband is pretty amazing....most of the time. :-) He is definitely a man to be admired.

Jesus means everything to me.

Keeping myself organized is a constant battle. I have often wished that I was gifted with that ability.

Love watching my daughter play soccer. I think she is totally amazing and it blows me away.

Miss living in North Idaho.

Never really liked Ritz crackers. Tim thinks I'm weird.

Obnoxious people intimidate me. When I'm honest...it doesn't take a lot to intimidate me. I'm such a pansy.

Procrastination is one of my best gifts. I use it regularly.

Quietness is something that I crave on a regular basis.

Raging tantrums drive me nuts. Especially when they come from me.

Sucker for sappy movies and books. A good love story will get me every time.

Thank my God regularly for my home, my family, my friends. I feel blessed.

Understanding my children is a desire I have. I pray often for wisdom.

Very happy with the charter school that my kids attend. I love the teachers, the director, the kids....and their mothers. Another blessing.....

When the day is over and the kids are in bed.....that is my favotire time of the day.

eXcellent bakery products are one of my weaknesses. I'm such a sucker for homemade bread, cinnamon rolls, maple bars.....better stop now. Drool....

You can often find me soaking in a hot bath at the end of long day. Paired with a good book and a cold drink....I'm almost in heaven!!

And just to finish off the alphabet and a bonus Random Thing.....

Zipping around here in there for my kids' activities was something I had failed to anticipate in motherhood.....and I'm learning to cope with it...as well as enjoy it. It is fun to see my kids try things, have fun, and succeed.

Thankful Thursday

2009-01-22T11:53:00.001-08:00

Another week has come and gone. I can hardly believe that we are on the last half of the month of January. That means Daria's birthday is looming around the corner....and I need to get busy planning! Crazy how time flies.

This week, I am thankful for:

The Sunshine. It has been so beautiful this last week. So beautiful, in fact, that I haven't minded so much the overcast skies today. I may not be able to say that next week....but for now, I'm doing okay. (Could also be the fact that I am sitting in front of my Happylite!)

For technology that helps me feel connected with the rest of the world. It is an amazing thing!! Fun, too.

For friends. What a blessing to have a touch from God by someone with skin on!!

For finding a devotional that seems to be written just for me.

Hope that everyone is having a Thankful day!

Random Missed Haps

2009-01-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

Life never stops. Funny things happen all the time. They don't always seem to be Blog Post Worthy....but, I thought it would be fun to throw a few random happenings all together in one post.

Today, Luke was walking through the kitchen with his head tilted up, walking very careful. I asked him what he was doing. His answer: "I'm trying to balance my hair." Why? I asked. "I'm trying to keep it from moving. Is it working?" Crack. Me. Up.

I'm totally addicted to Facebook right now. I find myself camped on that page waiting for some friend to post their happenings for the day. Its fun to be connected with people that live far away....and it totally tantalizes my need for human adult contact. Now if I could just get the rest of my friends to become addicted too......

Daria's going to be playing soccer with a new team. I've been a little hesitant to join this coach because he seems to be a little abrasive. Daria subbed on his team during Christmas break in a tournament. I watched him like a hawk...and I thought he kept his cool pretty good. So, a couple of weeks ago, when she was asked to play on his team for a Spring outdoor PDP team, Tim and I agreed. This last week, she subbed on his team again. I was extremely disappointed to see his temper showing through. Guess I need to be praying about this upcoming season. As Tim says, it is for a short time.....

I was cleaning my house on Monday. It was plain ol' time. Things were getting really sad. Weekends seem to make it worse....and I was feeling a need for a clean living space. Daria asked me if we had company coming over. No. Why? Well...you are cleaning everything like someone was coming over. (Flashback Alert: Seems like I remember similar conversations with my own mom....) I told her no one was coming over...but isn't it a lot more fun to live in a clean house than a dirty house? Hmmm....I guess you're right. The thing that struck me about this conversation was that no one ever notices when the house needs cleaned or picked up unless I mention it. Not even Tim notices. How can they not notice???? Or care??? Drives. Me. Batty.

Luke has come out of his bed FIVE times already tonight. Becoming way too much of a habit lately. May need to pull out the duct tape....or the Swirlie card.

I enjoyed this post. I may have to make it a regular posted feature.

SUNSHINE!!!

2009-01-20T09:20:00.000-08:00

This past week has been so unusual for Oregon winter weather. It has been sunny. Oh I just love it!! It is a little deceiving though as you expect it to be a bit warmer than it is....BUT...I AM NOT COMPLAINING. The sunshine is beautiful. I wish we could see it every day and I will probably cry when the clouds come back and I must solely rely on my Happylite to feed my need for SUN.

In the mean time....we took full advantage of the sunshine on Sunday afternoon. We spent a good couple of hours out there playing soccer. Tim and I....and Luke, I guess....against Daria, Caden, Wyatt, and Tayte. (friends) Needless to say, I have been sore the last couple of days. BUT....I think that Tim and I won. I quit counting because Caden was pouting. Either which way, we had a lot of fun and that is all that matters.

When I look at these pictures...with my kids in t-shirts and shorts....I can't believe that a month ago, we were buried in layers of clothing and 18 inches of snow!

Getting twirled by Dad. Makes me sick just to watch!

Ball Tag! Luke's favorite!!

Wrestling in soccer???? Isn't that a foul??? AND....Hand ball!

Luke is always posing for a picture. He's just too darn cute!

If you click on the picture to get a better look....you'll see that everyone has a smile. I call that success!

Catching-up Christmas

2009-01-20T08:49:00.001-08:00

I know I am about a week late in posting today's topic. It seems like life gets away from me way to quickly these days. I'm trying to be more focused. We'll see how that goes! Ha!

A week and a half ago, my family did a Quickie Christmas. Being a family of "Busies," we did a shot gun appearance together in Pendleton, Oregon. Why Pendleton, Oregon you ask? Pendleton is roughly the half way point between Portland, Oregon.....Boise, Idaho....and Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. It was fun to be together...though it was very quick...to finally, (in my opinion) have Christmas.

I must admit it felt a little strange to do Christmas in a hotel room. But, as I thought about the oddity of it all, I couldn't help but thinking that this would definitely be one of those Christmas memories for the book. None of us will probably ever forget this Christmas. So, here is some pictures of our Christmas to Remember.....

Here is Kyle getting a taste of Uncle Tim's Duct Tape Torture. Hopefully the prize inside was worth the struggle to get at it!!

Speaking of Uncle Tim and Duct Tape. He has quite the reputation with the stuff. My sister kindly reloaded his "stash." I think he is now all set for next Christmas.......

Not even sure what to say about this one. It just reminds me of another picture.....

Mom even strung up Christmas lights in our hotel room. Ambiance, you know.

The next morning, we even did Christmas stockings!! (We had to have the full experience!)

We all arrived Friday evening in Pendleton.....and left Saturday after lunch. But before we left town....we played a few rounds of Caden's favorite game. Uno Attack.

I love this last picture because Kyle's face is so expressive. He wasn't always at the most favorable end of the Uno Attack's attack!! The other picture I should have posted has my mother cackling hilariously. I don't think Kyle found it as humorous as Grammy!!

It was a quick weekend....but full of blessings. I'm currently sitting in front of my Happylite that my parents gave me. I think of them every time I sit in front of it. My sweet Tim and my kids thank them.

It fits.

2009-01-16T21:51:00.000-08:00

It is always interesting for me to find someone who puts my thoughts into words. In the book that I'm reading, a paragraph just jumped out at me that describes the battle in my heart. Some how to see that someone understands, proves that we are really never alone. That our battles are rarely unique.

I've never been a fearful man. That does not mean I've never known fear; God knows that I have. There's no S pinned on my chest. I just mean it's not something that stays with me all day perched atop my shoulder and whispering in my ear. In the months after Maggie woke up, I wrestled--even battled--with a long litany of what ifs that scared me. But her waking every morning had put that whisper to rest.

But the moment I leaned in and listened, tasting the trickle of hope and wondering at the unfathomable enormity once again, the whisper echoed. It smelled like the air behind a trash truck, the soil in Pinky's stall, or the floor of the delivery room. Its breath alone could gag a maggot.

Where as hope had returned only after I'd cornered him in the barn and extended an invitation, what if reached up out of the floorboards, threw his bags on the couch and made himself at home without so much as a peep. And unlike hope, who was tidy and neat, what if was a slob, seldom cleaning up after himself, and made it his point to throw remnants of his life in every nook and cranny of the house. Polar opposites, hope never raised his voice, while what if never lowered his. Not compatible roommates, they charged the air with a tension that even Blue picked up on.
~~Charles Martin, Maggie

Captive Thoughts

2009-01-12T16:22:00.000-08:00

I love how God's timing is perfect. He always knows exactly what we need right when we need it. He was faithful that way this morning for my devotions.

It seems as soon as I posted my encouraged thoughts about Luke and our "schooling" business, Satan got down and got dirty, messing with my confidence. I believe that I posted about our successes on Wednesday. On Thursday, our "school" didn't go so great. I saw Luke shutting down like he was doing during real school.

I was so discouraged. I didn't know what to say. Or what to do. I just sat there looking at the book. I wanted to cry. I was so hoping that we could just continue on in that honeymoon phase. Luke would learn his letters and numbers and we would have VICTORY over this mess. I guess that I was smacked down to reality. Reminded that our goal is not to "win the universe," but to just take it one milestone at a time.

Yet, Satan had gained, or rather regained, a foothold on Thursday. There was a small part of me that just wanted to throw in the towel. I could feel the weight of the discouragement of the last few months coming back. I began to believe again that my son would never learn....that the consequences of my words would have victory.

Today, in my devotions, I read 2 Corinthians 10:5: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." There have been a lot of arguments that have set itself against God's word. My promise for Luke has been: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10. These thoughts that my son...or rather I...would fail stands against God's knowledge. I have been claiming 2 Corinthians 10:5 as my mantra for my time with Luke

I was nervous about "school" today. Sure enough, Luke was resistant about it. He wouldn't even give an attempt at naming the letters we worked on last week. Even as he worked through that, and I attempted some new thoughts to end on, he ran to his room and hid. He said he wasn't going to do it. I started to panic....but decided that I was going to demolish that argument and make my thoughts obedient to Christ.

Today has stepped up my prayers for my son. I find that I am having to lay him at the feet of Jesus at every thought. God knows my son. Luke is God's workmanship. Things will come in God's timing and in His ways. Not mine. Maybe this time of Luke's "homeschooling" is as much for me...as for him.

Maybe God continue to equip Luke and I for this time together.

Counting My Blessings

2009-01-08T22:25:00.000-08:00

Right off the bat I just have to say that I am so thankful that today is Thursday. I love that my kids have a four-day week. It has been rough this week getting back into the routine of school. This getting up early business is just not what I love. It's hard!!

This week I am thankful for:

School being back in session!! It was a long 3 week vacation with snow and ice storms that kept us land locked at home. We did enjoy playing in the snow. But that only last for so long. Then we all got a little stir crazy. School is good.

That "school at home" is going relatively well for Luke and I. We kind of had a not-so-good session today....but I am determined to remain hopeful.

That after nearly a month away, we had Moms in Touch today. It was so good to be back with my praying friends. They bless me.

That my Idaho family gets to "do" our Christmas this weekend. We are all going on a road trip and gonna get done what the snow and ice storms kept us from doing. The kids and I are very excited. It's hard to tell with Tim. (ha, ha!)

That I was able to buy our family Christmas present today. We missed out on it before Christmas....and found it today!! Yeah. I can hardly wait.

It has been a good week. God has been faithful. As always. What more is there to say?

The Last Couple of Days

2009-01-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been given a gift these last couple of days. Of course, I spent the last couple of weeks fretting about these days. In spite of all that, I have been given a gift.

Monday was Luke and I's first day "doing school" here at home. Not that we are doing a whole lot, but we are working on our letters and numbers so that next year he will be confident and prepared. The first day, even though he was a little excited about doing school at home, we had a few "resistant moments." Amazingly, he seemed to settle into it and enjoy the process.

The next day, he came and asked me if we could do school. You bet!! He really seemed excited about it. He seemed to be recalling the stuff that we studied the day before. I was so excited to see the progress that we were making. Not that we are going at the speed of light or anything....but I truly believe that I am seeing signs of him allowing himself to learn. And he seems excited about it!!

Yesterday afternoon, Luke and I met some friends at this cool place to play. It is like an indoor playground kind of concept. Luke had a blast!! He's been asking to go back from the moment that we stepped out their doors. He was running back and forth and was in perpetual motion for the whole time. He was in little boy heaven.

While I watched him play, I really just felt so blessed. As I had fretted over the decision to take him out of kindergarten, I found myself focused on the "problem." All I could see was the "problem." As I looked at the situation yesterday, I realized how much joy that that "problem" had stolen from me. I thought about our days of "school," and the progress that I was seeing....and I felt blessed. I thought of the times of just being with my son, and I felt blessed.

Then near the end of the time at the play area, I watched my son be so incredibly mature. This place had these great little scooters and a wonderful little area for them to ride on. Luke loved them. He spent most of his time just cruising around on those. He would push himself to a high speed, lean back holding onto the steering wheel, and just lay his head back in blissful, wild abandon. He was so fun to watch. At one point, he bumped scooters with a little girl when he was being blissful. He was so kind as he spoke with her and made sure she was okay. (The girl's mother wasn't so happy with him....I am hoping that she just saw the bump and didn't see his care of her daughter!) I, on the other hand, was so proud of my son. He was so thoughtful and aware of her feelings. I watched one other time as he saw another kid tip his scooter and Luke stopped to make sure he was okay. That's my boy!!

I can't tell you what that did for my heart. As I have focused on Luke's "problem," I got a little distracted on who my boy really is. I began to see him as a problem instead of him just not being ready to learn. I had forgotten what a little gem my little man really is. Learning his ABCs and his numbers will come with time. I'm learning not to fret about that. BUT the character that I have been trying to encourage in him is developing, and revealing itself NOW. The heart issues are what matter most.....those things of eternal value.

As I thought about that yesterday and today, I felt like God was confirming some things I had been thinking about. I don't believe that my son has a problem. I believe he just isn't ready. I also believe that some of Luke's "problem" was some of my misspoken words; and I have apologized to him for saying them. I also believe that God is beginning the redemption process.

God is good.

I've Created a Monster.

2009-01-04T18:24:00.000-08:00

Like most kids, my kids do not like to share. What's theirs is theirs...and what the other one has is theirs, too. You get the point.

For stocking stuffers, I have taken to purchasing the kids their own tube of fun toothpaste. They think it is cool because its special. I think it is cool because they get clean teeth. We both come out winners. This is where the Sharing part of life comes in. Did I say already that they don't like to share?

Just before Christmas, "Luke's toothpaste" ran out. So, he started using "Caden's." That wasn't such a big deal since it was just, in their minds, "regular" toothpaste. Christmas comes and they each got a new tube of toothpaste in their stocking. For a couple of days, Luke was fascinated enough in his "own toothpaste" that he left Caden's alone. I haven't really been paying that close attention to who was using which flavor of toothpaste....but apparently Luke has reverted back to using "Caden's toothpaste."

Oh the drama.

While he was suppose to be getting ready for bed last night, Caden was busy writing a note. That is a little bit annoying because he is suppose to be getting ready for bed. Other than that, I didn't think much about it. Until......I was turning off the light in the bathroom after the kids were in bed. There on the counter was "Luke's toothpaste" and Caden's note. Here is what the note said:

Try something else for a change. Like The Batman toothpast.

Not like Luke can read or anything. I guess he was just making a point. To someone. I guess. So, I've created this territorial monster in the realm of toothpaste. Who'd of thunk it?

I certainly hadn't.

The Big Let Down.

2009-01-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

I've been avoiding my blog again. Not the best of things, I guess. Partly, I haven't been feeling the greatest. I have half wondered if I have a minor sinus infection. If it is....it isn't a classic case of it...because it doesn't fit what I read on the internet. If it isn't an infection.....I think something is going on. Makes me feel a little less than ideal.

The second thing is that I just feel let down. I feel robbed. Cheated. Like I want a Do-Over. Our Big Arctic Blast that we had the week of Christmas was exciting in and of itself. But, what I feel it stole from me stinks. Christmas, in the manner I would have liked to celebrate it, was ripped out of my hands. All Christmas activities got canceled. The snow kept me from shopping and truly fulfilling what I would have liked to have done for gifts. I didn't get to be with my family. (Now I am going to get a little more selfish.....) I didn't get any Christmas presents. And all the Make-Ups and Redos just don't seem to be getting the job done.

We went and had lunch with Tim's family today. That was enjoyable. My mother in law still has her home decorated for Christmas....though the tree is down. My tree has been down for a week and that seems like forever ago. So, with my house de-Christmased, the snow completely gone, and the gray skies settled in with lots of rain and flooding, it is almost like Christmas just didn't happen this year. If I couldn't look up at the calendar that says January 2009, I could almost convince myself that the Holiday season had never been here.

I know that I sort of sound like I am throwing a little pity party here. I'm not meaning to. (I did that the day after Christmas. Thank You Very Much.) It is just the weird feeling that I have this year. I literally feel like I've been living in some sort of altered universe where things are as they should be....or maybe they aren't. See? I can't even explain the feeling. Maybe because things didn't go the way they usually do, I feel like something is missing.

On the bright side, I get to play in church with my MelodyChime choir tomorrow. I love playing those things. We are making up our Christmas songs that we didn't get to play because of canceled church serves due to weather. (See? It is that altered universe thing again!) The kids go back to school on Monday. That will help life to seem a little more normal again. Maybe I am just needing to get my life back into a routine again so that my world can "right" itself once again.

I think I am chasing myself down a rabbit trail here. Just coming out to say that I'm done avoiding...life is getting back to normal...and so am I.

I think.....

Christmas: In Review

2008-12-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas didn't look like I thought it was going to look like. But, you know, the funny thing about Christmas is somehow Christmas always ends up pretty good. God is good that way.

Our tradition has been to celebrate Christmas Eve with Tim's family....get up early Christmas day and drive to North Idaho to be with my family. It has actually worked out pretty slick over the years. This year things were a little too slick to make all that happen.

On Christmas Eve, it took us 2 1/2 hours to make a normal 1 hr 15 minute trip. The first half of the trip was probably one of the most exciting, yet completely nerve-wracking experiences of my life. The unusual snow storm we had this year made travel in our area a nightmare. Thankfully, we stayed on the roads and made it to our destination. For the amount of time we were with family, I would much rather have stayed home! I hope they know that we love them, because family is the only ones that makes an experience like that worthwhile. Here are a few pictures from our Christmas Eve event:

I got to hold David Howard!! Isn't he just the cutest? I have a scowly look on my face because I was wanting Tim to catch a picture of him "eating" the ball we gave him for Christmas...I wasn't sure that he had gotten one. I guess he did. It was fun watching him munch on it.

Here are all the Brandt Cousins. It was hard to get them all to look at the camera and smile all at the same time. It didn't help that they were all tired and sugared up....but they were cute anyway.

And here is my family on Christmas Eve....after 2 1/2 hours of awful snow driving....3 hours of Christmas Fun...and anticipating a long, messy drive home. Going home was better than getting there....but still quite the experience. Portland really doesn't do snow very well at all.

Then comes Christmas. Due to the awful road conditions, we opted to stay at home Christmas Day in hopes that things would improve given time. It was disappointing.....but when I get to hug and kiss on my three, very special Christmas gifts.....it's not so bad.

The next three pictures are just to highlight some of the fun things of the morning:

We had a good day together. The kids ended the day taking a bath together. They had gotten bath kits the night before and had a lot of fun. I had put bath tint tablets in their stockings...so they added those too. It wasn't until this morning, that I noticed that they had used the WHOLE container!! No wonder the water was black....and left a scum line to end all scum lines.
One of Caden's gifts was Uno Attack. (Have I ever mentioned before how much that boy loves games?) The day after Christmas, I think that Tim, Daria, and Caden played Uno Attack for 6 hours straight. From 11:00 in the morning, until 5:00 at night. That about sums up The Day After Christmas. It doesn't need a post of its own!

Though we have managed to have a good time on Plan B for Christmas, we still miss being in North Idaho with family. Things just don't seem the same. Both Daria and I have shed our share of tears....but we are eagerly anticipating a possible Late Christmas some time in January. Caden thought maybe it would be fun to save his Idaho Christmas presents for his birthday so that he would have twice as many presents on his birthday. When I reminded him that he had 6 months until his birthday, he decided that wasn't as good of an idea as he first thought!

With all the snow we had these last couple of weeks, tomorrow looks good for having Church. Church was canceled last week due to the snow....Christmas Eve was "canceled," even though they did an abbreviated service for whomever could get there. Not sure how many actually made it there. When they did the kids' Christmas program a couple of weeks ago, not many were there because of snow....so....they are presenting it again tomorrow. The Melody Chime choir that I am a part of will be doing our Christmas songs on January 4th.

Looks like we are having Make-Up Christmases everywhere. I'm praying that the Weather will behave and all our Make-Ups can really be made up. I'm putting in my requests to the Great Planner....NOW!!

As the Clock Strikes......

2008-12-23T23:39:00.001-08:00

It is almost Christmas Eve. Literally. There is about 20 minutes until it is officially Christmas Eve. I just finished wrapping Christmas gifts a couple of minutes ago. I thought I would celebrate by drinking my last little bit of egg nog....and writing a quick blog.

It has been a crazy week. Or a couple of weeks really. I feel like I have been living someone else's life. It is like the snow has distorted everything and things seem the same....and yet totally different all at the same time. The snow has also canceled every single Christmas event that I have had planned thus far. Our Christmas tree reminds me that it really is Christmas. Even our family gathering tomorrow has been moved due to fallen trees at my in-laws. (Guess they are worried that more will fall while we celebrate???)

As I was reading my book last night, one of the characters made a very profound statement: "You make plans and God makes plans, guess who has seniority in the planning department."

That was a good reminder for me last night. God knows all that is happening....and He isn't surprised by it. He is in control...and I am not.

With that, I am off to bed. Merry Christmas!

p.s. Happy Birthday, Kristin....I hope you had a wonderful day!! Love ya!

And it just keeps coming.....

2008-12-22T13:57:00.001-08:00

Aka: Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Last night, before we went to bed, Tim cleared off a portion of the deck. This morning, when I measured, there was another 7 inches of snow!!

Craziness!

I was listening to the news briefly and the newscaster was saying that we have had 14.5 inches of snow. To some, like my parents who live in a snow belt, that doesn't sound like a whole bunch. But for our area, it is crazy. The newscaster also said that this December 2008 snowfall is the most December snow the Portland area has had since 1968. This particular storm system we are in right now, he said it is the largest winter storm EVER since 1980.

Pretty impressive records that have been shattered. In my opinion, anyway. The best way to tell the story is through pictures. So, I think I will post a few.

This is a picture of the big pine tree in our front yard. Occasionally, the snow gets too heavy and we have a big down fall of snow. I just happened to capture some of it. A little bit later, I noticed that we lost a couple of branches on that tree as well. They were close to the house....but didn't seem to cause any damage.
The kids were having a great time playing in the snow. It was fun to see how much snow was piled on the roof.

Then I turned around on the deck and tried to get a perspective shot on the amount of snow on the roof of the house. I found that pretty amazing.

At least this last round was nice and fluffy again. Made the playing a little more worthwhile.

This is a picture I couldn't resist. This is my neighbor's car literally buried under all the snow. Crazy!! And even though this car is buried...our other neighbor attempted to get his car out of the drive way.

They spent a good half hour or so out there spitting snow and dirt trying to get that car to move. It now sits exactly where it sits right now. If they had been paying attention at all they would have noticed others getting stuck. Our culdesac doesn't get much traffic, so it is a death trap right now.

One last perspective shot. I thought our mailboxes looked cool with their little snow caps on. I noticed that our mail carrier didn't arrive today until after 5:00. How miserable!!

This afternoon, I was blessed to have Ryan, our neighbor, who had the weather-worthy vehicle take me to the mall today. I was really amazed at how many people were on the roads...and at the malls. Guess they were just as desperate as I was. I was thankful for the opportunity to get out of the house. I was also thankful that Tim made it home from work safely. His work actually closed things down early....and I was very happy to hear that. I am just wishing that they would close it for the rest of the week.

Hope everyone is staying warm and dry.

Sportscaster of the Year!

2008-12-21T16:16:00.000-08:00

My precious Luke has quite the imagination. Half of the time, I have no idea where he has learned some of the things that he picks up. I declare he is going to have one interesting future ahead of him! The world is at his fingers and he will seize it. I predict it!!

While I was preparing the post on our Snow Adventures, he was at the table behind me. He had pulled out about 20 plastic cups and he was enjoying stacking them up as high as he could and in fun designs. When I write, I often find myself in a zone and I don't notice a whole lot going on around me. Somewhere in the midst of my focus, I began to notice what Luke was chattering about.

Crack. Me. Up.

As I listened to my son, I noticed that he was giving a blow-by-blow description of the steps that he was taking. It was just like he was a sportscaster calling a game. So, as I tried to finish my post, I found myself focusing on what he was saying. When he would have a great line, I would scribble it down so I wouldn't forget. So, here is a taste of Luke: Sportscaster of the Year:

Look at Luke go----He's incredible!
Look at him go....he's doing great!
Good! Now it's time for the Table Maker.
If you make the biggest, you won! He makes two in a row. Oh! He knocks it over. He recatches! Did you see that? Wow!! Look at him go!
He zig zags again! He's working hard.
That is so amazing!
Look at that Zig Zagger go! How did he do that?
It's my imagination!

Oh he was so adorable. Too bad you all couldn't have gotten an actual taste of his great commentary. I declare....he's going to be awesome one day!!

Snow What Fun....

2008-12-21T15:49:00.000-08:00

Or as the newscasters are calling it: Arctic Blast 2008.

A friend of mine on Facebook says to Embrace the Weather. That's what we're trying to do. It has been crazy snowing here. Our area is lucky to get a handful of inches of snow each year. We've blown that away in the last twenty four hours. So far....we have had 10-12 inches of snow....and about 3/8 of an inch of freezing rain. If you look behind the tape measure...you can see that the measurement is close to 10 inches. Our porch is somewhat protected...so the open road has more!

Yesterday the snow was BEAUTIFUL. It was light and fluffy and perfect for sledding. It being Saturday, the five of us bundled up and hit the hill in the park...just outside our backyard.

We also went sledding with some friends from church. We all had a great time racing down the hills....
....and eating the snow.

It really was the perfect winter day. Beautiful snow. Fun hills to slide on. Friends to play with. And Tim was home from work!! Yeah. The kids have had a blast.

Then last night, the freezing rain came in. Ugh. I love the snow....but I hate freezing rain. It just makes a mess of everything. BUT....the kids have managed to have fun anyway.

So, that is how we are surviving, I mean embracing, the weather this week. My only wishes are that: 1) Tim didn't have to go to work tomorrow in this mess; and 2) that I could be guaranteed that we could at least have our Christmas celebrations with family.

Here is to saying lots of prayers...and crossing our fingers. Stay safe, warm and dry!

Notice the downed branches in the above picture!!

Blast to the Past

2008-12-19T23:18:00.001-08:00

Music can be a very powerful influence on a person. Teachers use music all the time to help their students memorize random facts of life. I know that every time I sing the hymn, "When We All Get to Heaven," I think of my Grandma Willa. And when I hear, "Up From the Grave," I think of my Grandpa Wayne and how he loved to draw out the phrasing. Powerful emotions get attached to music. Music can change the world.

Today, Daria and I had a Mom-and-Daria day. The boys were off to a play date, so we had some quality time together. Since the roads were icy, and Tim took our one semi-decent "weather" vehicle to work with him, Daria and I walked to Joe's Sporting Goods to do a little shopping. I decided to treat us to McDonald's for lunch, too. As we were sitting there eating, a song came on that flashed me back about 2(ahem)7 years.

Scare me.

As we were listening to that song, I was right back in the dentist office of Dr. Coppess in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. I could see just about every detail of the waiting room. In that moment, I could have laid out his whole office and picked the fabric swatches. I probably even remember the magazine selection on the coffee tables as well. It was so eery. Funny thing is, though, that every time I hear this song, I am taken back to his office. Not sure why that song sends me back there. I wonder if I have some sort of horrible, subconscious memory of an incident that occurred while that song was playing. Or maybe that song was playing every time I was in his office. He probably had a canned, easy-listening track that played on a repetitive cycle. I don't know..it is just plain weird.

I was so amused by this music-memory phenomenon, that I tried to chant the key phrasing so that I would remember it, so that I could blog about it. It was such a hilarious moment for me. But you know, when I finally got home and had some time to blog, I could not recall the song to save my life. Ugh. That is so frustrating.

Just a few minutes ago, I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. I found myself singing this little ditty to myself. After singing that phrase about half a dozen times, it dawned on me that it was that song that I was singing. So, quick....here I am...sharing this profound (ha!) moment of my day.

So, for your listening pleasure tonight, here is the song that blasted me to the past today: You'll Never Find by Lou Rawls.

Thankful Thursday....Snow Day Style

2008-12-18T17:37:00.000-08:00

After a week of my schedule and plans being thrown off, I am proud to say that we survived the first round of winter storms for the Portland Area. That alone is something to be thankful for. The forecasters say there is another round of storms to come, so I guess I better get busy and be thankful. I may just be grumbling in a couple. I'll pray that we keep it all together though!!

So, this week I am thankful for:

A warm house. As the weather dipped to the low 20s this week, I have been so thankful for a warm, dry home to come home to. I have also so enjoyed my new "decorating" job. It has been a blessing to sit and enjoy it when I have felt a little stiry crazy this week. God has blessed us.

For the snow. Yes, I will be thankful for the snow. It was so fun to watch the kids enjoying the good, honest fun of sledding. I am thankful that we live close to the park with a great hill. (Even though, sometimes it gets overrun with big kids who don't pay attention very well!) For a couple of days, the white snow was truly beautiful to look at.

For Tim's safety driving to and from work. I wish he could stay home with us and have a "true" snow day. Instead, I will be thankful for his safety.

That the kids and I made a break for it today. Yes....we actually were able to leave the house today. Probably could have braved the roads yesterday, but the forecast sounded beyond horrible, so Tim took the van to work. I didn't want to mess with the car on the yucky roads. Today, the roads were actually very good. The kids and I made it to a couple of stores and I completed a little bit more of my shopping. That felt good. Even though I don't care for shopping that much, it was nice to get out and about.

A week until Christmas. I can't hardly believe that it is that closely upon us. Crazy. Where has the month of December gone? It really hasn't felt much like the Christmas season, as all the "celebrations" we had planned got canceled. I guess family is the true meaning of Christmas....and for that I have been blessed.

Happy Thankful Thursday....and Merry CHRISTMAS!!!

Stir Crazy

2008-12-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

This is just craziness. Tomorrow is Day 3 of Snow Days. The kids and I are going just a little bit looney. For the last two days, we haven't had any new snow in our area. Thus, the snow that is here is not the best for playing in. So, with it being cold and not-so-great snow, the kids and I have been stuck inside today. Oh my.

As the cabin fever sneaks in, I have been noticing an increase of the Bug-a=Mes. Meaning...."I am going to bug you until you scream....or you hit my in frustration." Oh joy.(Right now, Luke and Daria are enjoying doing "bottom stamps" to each other. It is all fun and games until someone......) That just drives me nuts. In an effort to stave off those Bug-a-Mes...the kids and I made sugar cookies today. We also watched 3 past episodes of Survivor. We are looking forward to watching some more episodes tomorrow. I missed this whole last season....so I am hoping to finish it. I may just get my wish.

The rest of the week isn't looking too good for school either. The weather just looks nasty tomorrow. With more snow...freezing rain...and more snow. Yuck. The city of Portland is asking people to stay home tomorrow. (I doubt Tim will, though.) I just hope the roads clear enough before Christmas that we can do our traveling to family.

Maybe I should have titled todays post: Adventures in Christmas. Oy.

Slicker than Sn_ _!

2008-12-15T22:23:00.000-08:00

Winter in Oregon is definitely an experience. We are woefully, inadequately prepared to handle any amount of snowfall.....especially if it hangs around for more than 24 hours!! As I mentioned yesterday, we had 4-5 inches of snow on Sunday. It closed schools today....and closing schools tomorrow. We are due to have more snow arrive on Wednesday. Looks like we have a good chance of a bonus week of Christmas vacation!

BUT....Murphy's law has been at work in my Christmas shopping "plans." This year, it really stinks big time to be a procrastinator. (I'm vowing now to be better next year. Tim took the van today because it was the vehicle with chains. That left me without a car. So, when he got home tonight, I headed out to try and conquer my Christmas list. My goodness is it slick out there. I wish that I could take a picture that would show the glistening ice everywhere. Because Oregon doesn't have snow plows....all that lovely snow gets packed onto the roads. And it is slippery. I don't mind driving in the snow....it is the ice that really gets me.

One benefit to the ice is that there weren't many people out shopping. I probably shouldn't have been out there, either. That fact that it was quiet shopping....made my little night adventure worthwhile. I so hate the holiday crowds.

So, I am close to being done. If worse comes to worse, I may be handing out cash to those who I haven't found gifts for yet. Ugh. I hate that. But....I refuse to traipse the miles to the mall on the icy roads.

Hope everyone is staying warm, dry, and safe.

Color Me Christmas

2008-12-14T22:53:00.000-08:00

Today it snowed. There is just something about snow and Christmas. They go together like bread and butter. Peanut butter and chocolate. Laverne and Shirley. Kids and Candy. (Tim wanted to add: Like Garlic Cheese biscuits and strawberry jam. Eeewww.) Enough of that...you catch my drift.

I love the snow. I love how it covers over the dreary, gray landscape. I love how it frosts the trees just so. I love how it brightens the sky. I even love the orangish tint the sky takes on after dark when it is snowing. (If you think that is odd....pay attention the next time it snows in the dark. I could always tell when it was snowing in the dark, early morning hours by the color of the sky. Trust me.) For me, if it isn't a white Christmas....something is wrong.

So today, with the snow coming down, I sort of rejoiced. It makes it feel so much more like Christmas. The boys and I headed out to the hill in the park and they spent a couple of hours roaring down the hills. I will admit that I joined them a couple of times. How could I resist? I find it amusing that my kids who can't pick up their rooms because they are too tired, can spend tireless hours soaring down the hill only to drudge back up a kazillion times. Such is life.

Snow, for our area, also means SCHOOLS CLOSED. Sure enough, they cancelled school for the day....for tomorrow, I mean. I usually enjoy those days because I like sleeping in just as much as the kids. BUT....I am no where near completed on my Christmas shopping. Monday was going to be my big day to get it all done....or mostly done. I was hoping, anyway. Now....I have all my kids home from school....Tim is taking the van because it has chains. So.....if I want to get any shopping done, I'll need to walk. With three kids who, I'm sure, will be too tired.

I guess to solve my Holiday worries, I will have to make some sugar cookie dough or something and keep the kids entertained. Guess I will just put all the shopping aside for the day and hope for the best.

Besides....it looks like Christmas out there. Yippee!!

Decking the Halls

2008-12-13T20:39:00.000-08:00

With less than two weeks until Christmas, we finally got our tree up today!! I think that is the latest that we have ever done it. I cannot tell you how tempting it was to just skip doing it this year. Ah...but tradition....and the kids....wouldn't allow us to skip the tree. Once it is up and beautiful, I usually am pretty glad about it, too.

The kids did really good decorating this year. It didn't feel quite as much like a tornado whipping through my house as it has in years past. I'm sure that it is a combination of my kids growing older and their mom relaxing about it a little. They also did a better "placement" of the ornaments this year, too. It is good to see them thinking about it before they actually put them on there. The only ones that I "moved" was those ones that had fallen off the tree. Once again, I think I am relaxing. Ha. Finally.

And....after all that work....we don't have a full on view of the tree....but at least the pictures give you a taste of Christmas at our house. Enjoy!

Redeeming the Negative

2008-12-11T10:05:00.000-08:00

One of my greatest failings in life is my anger and how quickly my frustrations get the better of me. It has been an area of my life that has caused me much grief. I have spent countless hours repenting, confessing, and pleading for freedom from this ugly blight in my life. Sometimes, I feel like God and I are getting a grip on it. Then other times, I blow it royally. What I wouldn't do to have anger be gone from my life for good.

A couple of months ago, when school was still pretty new for Luke, I said something off-handed in a moment of frustration and anger. It was so very wrong. I have never forgotten it...and I believe it haunts me to this day. For the area that I made the comment on, is now the areas that Luke is manifesting his learning problems in school. I am convinced....and I am not sure that I could ever not be convinced....that Luke's problems were exacerbated by my flying-off-the-handle comment.

From the research that I have done in the last few weeks, I am also convinced that Luke's issue has to do to: 1. He is a boy....boys mature a lot slower than girls. 2. He's just not ready. 3. He's a stubborn little man. But, when I see him absorbing lessons and learning like all the others....but when I ask him about his letters and numbers, I see him disconnect and distance himself. I truly believe that that disconnect is a consequence of my inaptly spoken words.

Thus, I am praying that God would redeem those awful words. Redeem: to deliver; restore the honor or worth of; to turn in and receive something in exchange; ransom, exchange or buy back. This is the specific area that I am asking God to repay what the locusts have eaten. (Joel 2:25)

I heard once that it takes NINE positive remarks to bridge the deficit caused by ONE negative remark. A negative word steals so much from someone. The picture that I have in my head right now is like when you emboss an image on a piece of paper. And though you could smooth that image out, the paper is still left marred. It may feel "smooth" to the touch, but when you look at the paper....you can still see the evidence of the mark.

I am praying that God will heal that mark that I made on my son. I am praying that God would give him a confidence that defies all the odds. I am also praying that I will be realistic in my expectations. I'm doing lots of research on ways that I can help my son. I am praying that God would help Luke to make the connections he needs to succeed. I just don't want my son to have to struggle all the time.

I am praying that through this whole adventure....Luke and I will be changed. Never to be the same again.

Mourning

2008-12-08T21:37:00.001-08:00

Today was the first day since Tim and I made The Decision that I was "by myself." I found my emotions about my decision a little difficult today. I found myself mourning the "What Would Have Beens."

I started to think about the first day of school next year. For Luke...it will be the first day of kindergarten. Again.

The friends that he has this year....will be different next year. At the start of school, he would have been a first grader.

I was amazed at how quickly the positives that I know that this will be for Luke was swamped with all these would-have-beens. I was a little frustrated with that. I finally decided that it was okay to allow myself to mourn the change....or the loss...that will happen because of this decision. I do feel a loss. Right or wrong.....I don't know. It's just how I felt today.

I am praying that with time, I won't feel this loss anymore. I am praying that a year from now I will be dancing with the victory of what God has done in the following year in Luke's life. This is the verse that I am going to claim for this next year:

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
.....and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
Joel 2:25-26

The funny thing, I think maybe I am seeing a little bit of God's repayment. Last night, as Luke and I were playing around in an activity book that I purchased for him, Luke shocked my socks off. He was looking at a page where you needed to match the word with the picture. He asked me what the first word was...and for some reason, I asked him what he thought. "Egg!" And he was right!! He went down the entire page....probably 6-7 words....and he had every one of them right! I was floored. A boy who can't even tell me the name of most of the letters....seemingly read 6-7 words. He read them....either that or he was extremely lucky in looking at the pictures and guessing the word order.

If I doubted that I had any hope left....Hope smacked me in the choppers last night. It left me begging for more.

God's Workmanship

2008-12-07T21:06:00.000-08:00

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10

This verse is my promise that God gave me for my Luke. I know that God has big plans for my little man. In the mean time, he is a 5 year old little boy.

And I am his Mom.

Luke and I, and his dad, too, are on a journey together. I would love to say that this journey has smooth paths, with clearly marked turns, round-a-bouts, and forks in the road. Being a person who hates the unknown, I would love to say that I know how to complete this journey from beginning to end. For us, these things aren't true all the time. So maybe instead of calling this a journey....I'm going to call it an adventure. We're on an adventure.

I've heard people say that life is an adventure. One definition I found for adventure is: an activity that comprises risky, dangerous and uncertain experiences. Since life, as an adventure, is usually a long adventure, I will assuredly believe that all of life is not risky and dangerous. Thank goodness. Yet there are certainly going to be times when life is risky or uncertain. For the last couple of months, our adventure has been a little uncertain. More uncertain for me than for Luke....and even for his dad. Maybe because I am the mom and my whole job right now is to raise my son and to make the best choices for him. I am his primary care giver. Okay....I make excuses. I, by nature, take all of life a little uncertain.

For the last couple of months, Luke has been struggling in school. For the most part, he has been thriving in kindergarten; but, in learning his letters and numbers, he has found a challenge. For a boy who loves an adventure....who thrives on adventure....he often "gives up" when things get difficult. When we play a game, if he starts to lose, he will stop the game and "rework" the rules...or just not play . Unfortunately, in the game of school, you can't change the rules. So, in my opinion, he has chosen no longer play.

It has been very difficult to watch my son struggle. When I have discussions with him about him being able to do anything he wants if he just keeps trying and never gives up, I want to cry and throw a little tantrum when he tells me "But, Mom, I've already given up on somethings." How can this smart little boy give up when he is only 5? It breaks my heart.

After a lot of prayer, and a lot of seeking advice, Tim and I have decided to pull Luke out of kindergarten for the year. We are going to give him the gift of another year to mature. This, for me, is where the uncertainty and the unknown I've alluded to in my previous posts, comes to light.

I know that we are making the best decision for Luke at this point in time. I don't believe that this decision will do anything but help him. I have just a lot of uncertainties lurking at me from around every corner. Like....how do I....a person who totally lacks teaching abilities, help my son get the leg up for next year. I'm going to be spending a lot of time researching things....praying....playing with my son and trusting that God, in His infinite wisdom, knows what He is doing.....and where He is guiding us on this little adventure.

I covet your prayers. I will probably be sharing more in the days to come. I've had more thoughts running around in my head than I know what to do with. This has affected me in ways that I would never have quite imagined. Yet, in all things, I will continue to believe that God is good.

Thankful Thursday

2008-12-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.
-Cynthia Ozick

Have you ever had days where you feel like you haven't done a whole lot....but at the days end you are so exhausted that your body yearns to climb in bed? I have had one of those days. Yet on this side of it, it feels good to be on the other side.

Today I am thankful for:

the wise people that God has put in my life. I feel so blessed. Knowing how hard it is for me to put myself out there, God has done well to place in my life the people He has. I am so thankful.

For the affirmations and confirmations that I received today. They were such a tangible evidence of God's confirmation on a decision I feel He made a week ago. It took me that long to agree with Him. Life would be so much easier if I would just get in line with Him so much faster.

That my husband heard my exhaustion and let us go to Costco for dinner. The thought of cooking a dinner and cleaning it up was more than I was able to handle tonight.

That my daughter is being so much more agreeable with her piano practice. Oh how I needed that.

For my family. Each one of them is a precious gift in my life. Without them, my life would be so gray.

I am so blessed.

The Unknown

2008-12-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

I hate it. Plain and simple. I hate it.

I am not sure there is anything good to say about the Unknown. It is stressful. It leaves way too much open for speculation. For a pessimist....speculation is never good. What is that old adage? Prepare for the worst, expecting the best. I'm sorry. One cannot prepare for the worst without expecting the worst, too. Besides, with the unknown, there is no preparing. And I think that is the root of my issue with the Unknown.

On the other hand, expecting the best seems like a recipe for failure and disappointment. What am I saying? (I'm totally chastising myself here.) I just threw Hope under the bus. Yet as I dance around with Hope and the Unknown, I feel like I am spinning out of control and about to be broadsided by a roaring bus.

Which one wins? Hope? Or the Unknown?

I'm trying to cast my vote for Hope.

Growing Up.

2008-12-02T15:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a proud day for this Mom. It has been a while since I have taken a moment to acknowledge that fact. So, I guess I better get busy.

Yesterday, Daria received an award from school for being Responsible and a Good Citizen. I was happy to see that she is more responsible at school than she is at home! I suppose that she is learning something! I am always a proud mom when my kids do their best at school.

Then, last night, when she was practicing her piano, I heard her focusing on a particular part of a song. Usually, she is dashing through her practice, anxious to get onto other things. But, I noticed her playing this part over, and over again. I even heard her express some frustration. I fully expected her to throw a little fit and call it quits. Surprisingly she stuck with it and worked it out.

I was determined that I was going to acknowledge her accomplishment when she came back upstairs. I had spent a lot of time praying over her practicing last year. It was often a source of contention between her and I. So far this year, she is taking a lot more responsibility for her practicing...as well as not throwing these fits about/during her practicing. It really has been weight off my shoulders.

Before I could even get a chance to acknowledge her good efforts, Daria came upstairs quite proud of herself. She gave me a blow by blow description of how she had worked through that troublesome spot. All I could do was smile and tell her I was proud of her for sticking it through.

My little girl is growing up.

Dumping my Heart and Mind

2008-12-01T12:59:00.000-08:00

Here I said I was going to get back on track with my blogging. My mind has been consumed with thoughts bigger than I can handle. In fact, I haven't been handling them very well at all. When I am away from the computer, I find myself starting to organize my thoughts and develop a post in my head. Then, when my quiet time comes and my opportunity to blog arises, I find that my words are gone....replaced by a new tangle of thoughts that I am unable to unravel at that moment.

For the last couple of months, I have been wrestling. Wrestling with my thoughts. Wrestling with faith and what real faith looks like in this situation. Wrestling with the profound impact of a decision. When I am truly honest with myself, (which sucks, by the way), the issue I wrestle with smacks my pride. Ouch.

Do you ever wonder why God gives you what He decides to give you? God supposedly never gives us more than we can handle. Yet, when I lay in bed at night, when there is nothing to distract me, I talk with God. I tell Him that I can't handle this. I don't want to handle this. Don't you see, God, I don't want to mess this up. It's too big. Then I cringe because I feel like I have spoken out loud the doubt that swamps my spirit. (Like God doesn't already know!!) Is it doubt in God or is it doubt in myself? Doubt just seems so wrong. Can a mustard-seed-sized faith exist in a sea of doubt?

But you know....everywhere I turn God keeps telling me not to give up. In fact, in church yesterday....in BIG, and bold letters.....written on the wall, no less.... God said:

DON'T GIVE UP!

I guess that is how my mustard-seed-sized faith stays afloat. God keeps throwing out a little lifeline, and I wrap my arms around it and I cling to it with my last ebbing bit of strength. Somehow I have got to keep reminding myself of all these promises. I am thankful that God keeps throwing it back in my face.

Maybe I won't screw things up as badly as I think.....

The Ultimate Thankful Thursday

2008-11-27T21:58:00.000-08:00

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.
--Thornton Wilder

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get on here and do a thankful Thursday post. The problem with the Modern Age is computers everywhere. It was quite amusing to see my family all cozy on the couches....everyone with their own computer. We joked that one of these days we will all be sitting around the living room, instant messaging each other instead of using actual words.

Even though the last couple of months have been difficult, and I don't see things getting all that much easier, I still must be mindful to be thankful. God truly has blessed me and to not acknowledge those things would be a shame. The theme of my life has been and will continue to be: To God be the Glory!!

So, today, on the Thursday that the whole nation decides to be thankful, I am thankful for:

My home. I truly am blessed. God did so good in leading us to this house. With time, effort, and hard work, I fall in love with it all over again....all the time. In the world's eyes, it may not be a mansion, but to me, it is the ultimate mansion.

For my husband. He puts up with quite a bit. For being a level-emotioned individual, he does fairly well put up with his roller-coaster wife. I am thankful for his hard work, his dedication, and his character. God is good.

For my children. What beautiful children I have. God did so good when He made each one of them. Though, at times, they challenge me to the utter limits, I am so blessed. Each one of them is a fathomless treasure with so much left to explore. God is so good.

For my kids' teachers. For Luke's teacher, who is so patient, so encouraging, and is going above and beyond. For Caden's teacher, who loves him and "gets" his sense of humor. For Daria's teacher, who trusts her and gives her more responsibilities. God is good.

For my friends. They encourage me, stand beside me, help me, and pray with me and for me. God is good.

For my church. I so love that place. God has filled it with beautiful people. I love to go there and feel the peace that surrounds me when I walk through the door. It truly is my second home here on earth.

For my family. We have had a wonderful week together. So many times, I wished that we lived closer. Yet the times we have together are valuable gems we store in our memories. I could go on and on regarding this subject, but I'm sure I would soon be a crying mess. Just trust me here.

These are my treasures. Breathe them in.

Silent for too Long!!

2008-11-26T15:14:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been silent for way too long. I have been wrestling with God....or maybe more with myself...the last couple of weeks. As I have poured out my heart to God...I have almost felt like my words had been stolen for a while. Then just the mere fact that so much time had past, I couldn't even hardly look at my own blog any more. Yet to abandon it didn't seem right, either. My blog has been my lifeline in so many ways....it has been calling to me for several days now.

So, I have gave myself a mental kick in the rear end....and here I am. Brace yourself.

It has been a fun week this week. My family had arrived early for Thanksgiving....and the kids and I have been in heaven!! We love having family around. We probably wear them out. They are headed home on Friday, and I'm trying to find ways to make time stand still. Not working so well.....

Since Mom and Dad have been here, Mom has rearranged all my "pretties" in my house, and I feel like we live in a whole new house. Didn't buy any thing new....just rearranged....pulled things out of storage...and Voila!....a whole new house. Feels like I just want to be at home. I'm sure that puts Tim at ease that I'm not begging to throw everything out the window and try again!!

Yesterday, we had fun celebrating my sister's 40th birthday. I love that she is the older one. She breaks all those milestones before me....then it isn't so traumatic when I reach that goal myself. We had fun eating at Red Robin and eating Baskin Robbins cake for dessert. Luke loves birthdays....even when it isn't his own. He thoroughly enjoyed helping her celebrate the big day.

Late last night, my sister also picked up my brother in law from the airport after he spent 10 days in Morocco!! It isn't every day that I have a world traveler in my midst. It has been fun to hear of his adventures. He seems like he is dragging a little bit today....but hopefully he will get back on schedule for tonight and get a little more rest after many, many hours of travel.

My kids had school all this week as we have had family here. They had a half day today, so now that they are out of school, it is finally starting to feel like vacation has begun. I just wish Thanksgiving vacation was a little longer!! I guess I will just need to enjoy it while it is here....because once Monday comes....I'm sure that I will start to feel the Christmas rush barreling over me. ugh.

So, there is my summary in a fairly quick nutshell. I hope to be back on a regular posting schedule soon. I'm already starting to mull around my Ultimate Thankful Thursday for tomorrow. It is Thanksgiving.....a day set aside to solely for the purpose of being Thankful. So...put on your Thankful hats....and be prepared to be thankful!!

I know that I am.....

Thankful Thursday

2008-11-13T10:28:00.000-08:00

I love Thursdays. It always just feels like a breath of fresh air when I finally reach Thursday. What a wonderful day in which to be thankful.

Today I am thankful for:

My precious Moms In Touch friends. I know I have said it before...and I am sure I will say it again....but I am so thankful for them. I am thankful for their consistent prayers for me and my children. I am thankful for their encouragement. My life would be so dark without them. God is good.

For a weekend away. I went to Cannon Beach this past weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday. It was a wonderful girls only weekend. We did not much of anything....and that just felt so good. It was good to have a couple of days where I wasn't stressing over the things that I'm stressing over. God is good.

For a precious verse that God drew me to today: "'Test me in this,' says the Lord Almighty, 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.'" Malachi 3:10 God is good.

For the sunshine after the rain. What else can I say about that? God is good.

Have a Happy Thursday!!

Rock, Scissors, Paper.......and God?

2008-11-10T22:18:00.000-08:00

I've been dieing to get on here for a couple of hours to share this little Luke funny, and my internet has been cranky. Tim finally whipped it into shape...and it seems to be behaving. Thank goodness. It makes me cranky when I lose my "connection" to the world!! (blush)

Tonight, Luke and I were playing with some bristle blocks. We have had them for years, but nobody in my house has really ever played with them. They have been more along the lines of just another thing for me to pick up. I've been so tempted to get rid of them, but I hung onto them hoping that someone would someday find them interesting. Luke, just today, decided that since he has them at school, that they are finally cool to play with.

Whatever.

Anyway, for whatever reason, Luke would set his "creation" down beside me, leave it there, but would always warn me not to break it. (Like I would!) Unfortunately, when he went to pick it up once, a couple of pieces came apart. So the deal, as Luke declared it to be, was that if I broke it, I was suppose to make something new. Whatever. So, I put the blocks together slightly different than he had it. At first, my creation wasn't good enough. But, after a closer evaluation, Luke declared it: "Good, Mom. Good." But, as he fiddled with it more, it came apart in his hands.

Oops.

Well, to my Little Negotiator I now had to make something new again. But as I saw it, Luke broke it, Luke needed to do his own making of something new. So that was precisely what I told him. Lately, when things haven't gone as Luke would like, he has pulled out a new negotiation trick that I am assuming that he learned at school. The trick? To play rock, paper, scissors, and the loser has to do what Luke doesn't want to do. At first, I was a little leery playing that with Luke because I didn't want to do the things that Luke didn't want to do either!

I quickly found out that playing this game with Luke is quite predictable. He will always play scissors first. So...what does Mom always play first? You guessed it. Rock. That is extremely frustrating for my little Luke. So, he quickly tells me that I'm playing it wrong. "Mom, you play paper, and I'll play scissors. Okay? Ready? One. Two. Three. Shoot....."

"Mo-om!!"

Apparently, I am prone not to listen.

After this happened a couple of times, Luke pulled a fast one on me. As I laid out my rock for the third consecutive time, Luke placed his "scissored" fingers standing up on the palm of his hands as he declares that "I WON!" No way am I letting him get away with that. As I start to point out that rock beats scissors, he declares:

"But, Mom, this is God. And God wins every time. God beats everything."

Thankful Thursday

2008-11-06T16:44:00.001-08:00

Another week has come and gone. New blessings...new battles....new things to be thankful for.

This week, I am thankful for:

The true finish of outdoor soccer season. As much as I love to watch my kids play soccer, by the time the end of October hits, and the rain comes, I'm done being outside. Let's move 'em inside!! The not having to dash out the door each night has been a breath of fresh air.

A well spoken statement in the midst of one of my near-daily meltdowns. A simple line, but it has stuck with me this week and gives me hope that maybe I really am doing something right.

For the flowers in my yard. Unbelievably it hasn't frosted yet....so my annuals are still blooming. Who'd of thought that I would still be enjoying them in November. Crazy! They do make for a bright spot in these gray, rainy days.

For grace. Nuf said.

November, to me, is always a month to be mindful to be thankful. If I could challenge you to do anything, tell someone this week that you are thankful for them. It is guaranteed to make them smile!

Inner Nudge

2008-11-04T17:28:00.000-08:00

Today I followed through on a nudge that I felt God gave me on Sunday. For the first time in a while, I see hope. I've been clinging to God's promises....but my vision on how how God was possibly going to work has been beyond me. I have often felt that even though God promises something that Faith still requires us to do something. At times, I believe we have to be like the Israelites and put our feet into the Jordan before God stops the flow of water so that we can stand on dry ground. For the last couple of weeks, I haven't known where to place my feet. I've sure wanted to put them somewhere, but I didn't know where.

Sunday, as I was walking by someone in our church, I felt like God nudged me. It was this knowing in my heart that I needed to pursue a conversation with her in regards to my issue. I just knew. So, yesterday, I called her and arranged to visit with her today. Today, Luke and I went over there....and I sensed hope. I sensed direction. I think I may have found our Jordan. I at least know where I need to get my feet wet. Hope is a good thing.

I would love to believe that now our journey will be finished soon. Yet, I know that it will still be a long haul. I can't imagine how long it took for the millions of Israelites to cross over the Jordan...I'm sure it took a while. So I imagine it will take us a while to walk this journey. At least I have hope.

And, for now, that is enough.

Verses for This Day

2008-11-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

I love to read. Fiction is my genre of choice. To say that I can't find truth in fiction would be a falsehood. Thank goodness...because God spoke to me today through a book of fiction. Thank you, Jesus.

I was reminded of a favorite verse of mine:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understand, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I've been having a lot of anxious thoughts. Praying, yes, but still lots of anxious thoughts. I need God's peace. The character of the book I am reading expressed my thoughts very well.

"'I'm not nervous. I'm scared to death. But God's giving me enough peace that I'm still sitting here, taking this ride. I'm here and I'm breathing, and right now, that's enough.'"

And then one final, precious verse:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

So not there yet.....

2008-10-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

As I was driving Daria to her piano lessons this morning, I was listening to a radio station that plays a lot of praise music. I've been waiting for days for them to play a song that I have just been needing to hear again, so I've been listening to that station faithfully any time I am in the van.

This morning, as we were driving, I had the volume down low as Daria and I were conversing. During a quiet point of the conversation, I thought that I heard a Christmas song. I turned it up, and sure enough it was a Christmas song. Okay...I thought....one Christmas song, I can handle that. Then a couple of minutes later....they were playing another. What????

Today is Halloween. We still have Thanksgiving to conquer before I really feel like Christmas season is here. This is just ridiculous. I am so not ready for the Christmas season. Can't we celebrate being Thankful first????

Wow.

Repeat of Last Friday

2008-10-31T07:16:00.000-07:00

Here it is 7:15 on a Friday morning. My kids don't have school. We have an insanely long day filled with way too many activities....and candy....and my boys have been up since 7:00. They are in their rooms at least....but they are up and feisty. I was hoping they would sleep longer today so that we wouldn't kill each other.

Here is our day:

9:00: Daria's piano lesson
10:20-11:40: Parent/Teacher Conferences (they'll have to entertain themselves while I visit with teachers)
2:00-4:00: Halloween Party at a Friends House (The Kids)/Decorating for Trunk or Treat (Me)
4:30 to 6:00: Back to church to finish Trunk or Treat set up
6:00 to 8:30: TRUNK OR TREAT!!
8:30 to Whenever-We're-Done: Cleanup for Trunk or Treat

Long day. Potential for a lot of stress and nasty words. Yesterday afternoon/evening was not pretty. Kids and Mom were crabby. I am not sure I can handle a repeat of yesterday.

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-30T15:50:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for:

Caden receiving a Character Award for the month of October. So proud.

For the opportunity to help at the Harvest Festival at the kids' school today. It was a lot of fun.

For my friend, Julie, who is also our church secretary. Her help and support in so many ways has been a blessing to me.

Short, sweet and to the point. Have a happy and thankful Thursday.

Clinging to Promises

2008-10-27T14:32:00.000-07:00

Trusting God and His timing is difficult sometimes. Especially when something is pressing so hard on my heart and mind that I almost feel like I can't breathe sometimes. I'm not very good at this "hope deferred" business....or at least glimmers of hope that get squashed by incoming doubts. Makes me so weary.

My precious Luke has stretched my faith probably more than any other event in my life. He has also increased my joy as well, too. Right now, he is stretching my faith. God has given me some promises for Luke and I am clinging to them with all that I'm worth. I'm trusting that God will do His thing in His time.....but I'd sure wish that He would hurry along.

Shortly after Luke was born, God gave me this verse for Luke:

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

Because of this verse, I truly believe that God has great things in mind for Luke someday. I am so glad that I've got a front row seat to see what He's gonna do.

Even though that is a wonderful promise, full of hope, Luke hasn't quite obtained the fullness of that verse. Right now, there is an issue that I'm really having to use every ounce of faith I have in order to keep myself together. As my heart has been struggling with it, God gave me another promise.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest, if we do not give up." Galations 6:9

Do not give up. (sigh) It isn't a promise for a quick response. I must persevere. But I sure am looking forward to the harvest.

To God will be the Glory.

I love Mondays.

2008-10-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

I never thought that I would get to a point where I would proclaim that I love Mondays. Oh...but right now.....I absolutely adore Mondays. In particular....I love Monday mornings!

Monday mornings are my only "free" morning of my entire week. The kids have gone back to school after a busy weekend. The house is quiet. I can eat my breakfast without interruptions. I can check my email and read the paper. I don't even have any places that I have to go to or people I need to see, unless I want to. Monday mornings can be so peaceful. I really love them.

Today, I have taken time to read the paper, check my Facebook account, send some emails, and listen to Awesome God like two dozen times. I feel like I could almost take on the world! Now, I am going to go out there and tackle some errands for Trunk or Treat night while I have no little beggars to mess up my plans. (Gotta love the little monkeys!)

Have I mentioned that I love Monday mornings?

Why is it?

2008-10-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

Why is it on the days we have obligations and must get up early, I have to shake my kids, drag them out of bed, and prop them in the corner to get them dressed?

BUT......

On the days where we have no obligations and they can sleep in as late as they want, they wake up at the same time as the other days? Not only that...but they are UP and playing and yelling and having a great time?

I was hoping for a sleep-in kind of day today. No such luck.

Taking a Moment to be Thankful

2008-10-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like I can breathe. The load of the week has come and gone....and I can breathe. Must mean that it is time to be thankful....for God is good.

This week, I am thankful for:

The beautiful, glorious, heavenly, fabulous, gorgeous.....fall weather we have had this week. Even though it has still been chilly at soccer practice, it has still been so glorious to sit there with beautiful, blue skies overhead. The forecast looks like we should end soccer season with beautiful weather.

Speaking of soccer.....OUTDOOR SOCCER SEASON FINISHES THIS WEEKEND!! No more 8 practices a week. No more 4 soccer games a week. No more sitting in the cold and rain...though rain hasn't been too much of a factor this season. Woo hoo. No more packing dinners because we get home too late. We might actually get to have dinners like a real family now. Praying that our schedule will now become more bearable....breathing room at least.

My Moms In Touch friends. I am so thankful for them. How can I even begin to express how thankful I am for them? They stand with me through the best of times and the worst of times. When I feel like I can no longer pray, I know that they are there praying for me. They remind me of God's faithfulness when I forget. They are such a blessing in my life. I'm not sure that I could survive without their faithful presence in my life.

My beautifully painted house. Just to look around at the beautiful new colors in my house has spoken peace to me this week. Beauty seems to do that.

For Luke's teacher. For her confidence, for her patience, for her wisdom and direction. She has a faith that fills my heart with joy. She is another blessing in my life.

Home Improvements: A Blessing

2008-10-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

Soccer season is quickly winding itself down. Even though there is talk of indoor soccer, I think that the heat of the last two months is dwindling. This is the last week of outdoor practice. And I am so thankful!!

I have been so weary with our schedule these last couple of months. I have been fluctuating between feeling like I am conquering the world....all the way to feeling like I was being crushed by the weight of the world. (If I could only be consistent!! Curses.) So many times I have felt like I have taken two steps forward....just to be knocked down one. This week, my socks got blessed off....and soccer season is winding down.

Chuggin' to the finish line!! Yee haw!

So, enough about soccer getting finished up. On to the blessing. Part of the nagging-ness of the last couple of months has been my desire to get on with my Home Improvement Projects. A huge part of my life has felt "undone" due to these desire. That....and the fact that I hadn't moved all of my furniture back in place after we did our floors back in September. Well....can I just testify that my mom is a dynamo....and she blessed my socks off!

When I learned that Mom and Dad were coming for a visit this weekend, I was hopeful that, with a little help, I might get started on my painting project. I cannot even begin to tell you how many weekends I had hoped to get started...only to have our steamroller-life come barreling through. I figured that once I got started, I could keep the moment up and slowly work my way through my daunting project. Well....not only did my project get started....it is almost finished.

My mom worked hard. And I mean hard. We started at 6:00 A.M. on Friday morning. We were at Home Depot before they even opened their doors. (Crazy Women...the Paint Guy said!) Mom painted all day....I tried to prep and clean things amidst numerous trips to the school to pick up kids from their field trips. Then, she still had the energy to work most of the day Saturday, too. Saturday was soccer day....so I wasn't any help at all. But when the last soccer game was over, most of my house was painted....and it feels so good.

When I stop and think back over the many hours that Mom put into my house this weekend, and I think about our schedule, I think it would have taken me months, and I mean months, to get done what Mom got done this weekend. So anything that I say here doesn't even begin to cover the enormity of the blessing that my Mom gave me this weekend. Words cannot even begin to suffice. Impossible.

So, with no better words, here are a couple of "Before" pictures:

And now for the "After" Pictures:

**Drum Roll**

Thank you, Mom. You have blessed me royally. I love you.

Mind-boggling

2008-10-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

Today I have been blown away at the competition that is happening in the world of U10 Soccer. (Under 10 soccer) Personally, I have been looking forward to the outdoor soccer season ending. I'm burned-out big time on the go, go, go-ness of our schedule. I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel....maybe.

Tonight, though, I have been wondering if, in reality, our soccer life is kicking into high gear. Withing 36 minutes of each other, we had 3 calls recruiting Daria to play on their indoor soccer team for the winter. They were all from the same team!!! With the fun of caller-i.d., I know the exact times of each call.

As we were headed out the door for soccer practice, at 4:53 p.m., we received the first call. It was a mom of one of the players....feeling out our interest and whether it would be okay if the coach could call us. I sort of left it open as a possibility for us. Since we were literally in the van on the way to soccer practice when she called, we missed the next 2 calls. At 5:01 p.m., we get the second call...from the coach himself. He chose not to leave a message. At 5:29 p.m., the team mom calls us to chat with us about the team. She left a message, so I returned her call this evening just to let her know we were thinking about it.

I find this hot pursuit to be absolute craziness!! Part of me is loving the attention that she is getting. I am amazed at the interest!! Personally, I think Daria is an awesome player. I guess it does my heart good to see that others agree! But the other part of me thinks that this is just lunacy....pure lunacy. Do these people really understand what they're doing????

The other part of the craziness, is that Daria's assistant coach has been advocating to get Daria on the elite U10 team here in town. In fact, he has arranged to have her and another girl (his daughter) practice with this team to see what the coach thinks. That happens tomorrow night and I'm kind of curious to see how that develops out. From the discussions that I have had with this assistant coach, it sounds like he has been advocating for Daria pretty hard. I find that absolutely stunning.

I think I am mostly amazed about it because she is nine years old. I never pictured her soccer world being this competitive at this early of an age. But then again, I never imagined that she would be as good as she is at nine years old!! Whatever happened to carefree childhoods and playing a game for the sheer joy of it? So far, I don't see her getting burned out on it. She seems to soak up any opportunity that she can.

Guess I will have to report back in the next few days or so. Her current coach hasn't asked me anything about whether Daria is going to play with this team during the winter. That is interesting.

This all just blows my mind.

Quandry of the Day

2008-10-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to be grateful for, and resentful of, something at the same time?

I sure hope so. Otherwise, I am a total lost cookie.

High of 75

2008-10-13T16:23:00.001-07:00

Just a little bit ago, I just got done writing a post about being grateful. Sometimes when I am struggling to keep it all together, I have to force myself to be grateful to remind myself of the blessings in my life. It is way too easy for me to get focused on "Life-with-a-capital-L" and find myself drowning in darkness. In fact, as I went to pick up my kids, I was just about in tears as Life-with-a-capital-L started taunting me. Satan must have kicked into overtime as I wrote my grateful post.

Then I come home and decide to take a moment to browse stuff on the internet. I should have been, as I should be now, dashing around trying to get stuff done before we dash out the door for soccer. For some reason, I decided I would check out my niece's blog. I love how God lays in your lap just what you need, right when you need it. Lyss wrote her blog almost a week ago....but it was just right for me today.

Lyss was writing about how she wanted to her life to be. With her being quite a bit younger, and more hip, she was talking about a song that I didn't know. But I loved the words. It is "High of 75" by Reliant K. The words are great. It talks about life being like a perfect sunny day.....high of 75...because of God's work in our lives. I think I am going to have to buy that song. Then she said something really good she said: " I've decided things'll start lookin up if i just decided to make it that way, go back to my optimistic self, and choose to be happy with the way things are."

Good thing for her Auntie to hear today.

Thanks, Lyss....for letting God speak through you...to me. Love you.

Grateful

2008-10-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

Well, we are closing in on the halfway mark of October. 8 games remain in our outdoor soccer season. In that regard, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, though, it is in the final stretch that things seem to be difficult. I can definitely tell that I'm a little worn around the edges with our schedule....and life in general.

I must admit, though, there has been good that has come out of the craziness in our schedules. The big thing is that I've discovered a homework routine that works for us. I was hopeful that that would occur. I've also learned that I can handle more than I thought that I was capable of. Granted, I haven't been the happiest with my load....but I'm proud of myself!! Giving myself a big ol' pat on the back right now.

Yet, today, when I am weary....when I look around my house and see all the stuff that has been neglected for longer than it should be...I need to take note of these things. The things yet to do seem insurmountable.....but I need to take a look behind at the things that I have done. And be grateful.

Today, as I pulled into my driveway after running an errand, I was reminded of another thing that I have been so grateful for. My home. This past week, a house in the Portland area literally slid down the hill....with the homeowner inside. Thankfully, she survived. But her house....and another house that was hit, are destroyed. Along with them, several other homes are listed as unsafe.

Craziness. Devastating craziness.

So, when I look at my home, with all the projects that need to be accomplished, I have to be grateful. Grateful that my home does not reside on a hillside....or next to a flooding stream....or in hurricane or earthquake territory. I suppose that any one of those natural catastrophes could happen....but they aren't terribly likely. And I am so grateful.

So, I am reminded....be grateful. Be grateful that I have a home that needs cleaned, painted, organized, and put back together. I needed to tell myself that today when my load was beginning to drag me down again. Yes. I am grateful.

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-09T21:06:00.000-07:00

How long has it been since I've blogged?? I know that for some it hasn't been very long....but for me...it seems like it has been ages. I keep thinking I am going to take a moment and get something out. Instead, I find myself dashing to the next activity, desperately longing for a nap. Even though I long to climb into bed right now, I can't let another Thursday go by before I am thankful. There should always be time to be thankful!!

So....Today I am thankful for:

answered prayer. We had a great MIT last Thursday....and on Friday, one of my fellow moms began to see an amazing answer to our prayers for her son. This week, she had more good news to share with us. It was so fun to rejoice with her!!

for Tim's job. With our crazy economy, I am thankful for the consistency of his work.

for my beautiful, healthy children. I love their joy. I love their sweet smiles. I love their hugs and kisses. They really brighten my day.

for the sun. It seems like all too quickly winter is descending upon us. We had glimpses of sun the last couple of days. I was just soaking it in.

for friends. What would I do without them?

And finally, I am thankful that I took the time to be thankful. It really did my heart good today.

Lightning Mc-Daria

2008-10-06T12:42:00.001-07:00

I know that my title is totally goofy, but as I was thinking about writing this post, it was the only title that seemed to jump out at me!!! For as many soccer games as I have seen Daria play, sometimes I am amazed at how often she amazes me! Have I mentioned before how much I enjoy watching her play??? Yeah, yeah...I know. I'm the Mama and I have a right to be proud. So, there!

It was a wet, and cool, weekend in our world of soccer this weekend. I always dread heading out there when the skies are gray, the winds blustery, and the rain threatening. Days like that are meant to be spent in front of a roaring fire, wrapped in a blanket with a cup of hot tea and a good book. It is a good thing that my kids put on a good show playing soccer!! Any way, as time goes on I am learning ways to make my time in the cold, wet, and mud a little more tolerable for myself and the non-playing children.

Sunday, Daria's game was the wettest and the muddiest. We've been in worse...so I am not complaining....too much. Daria played a great game...as always. She still amazes me sometimes. To watch her put on "her moves" on another player, sometimes I am left thinking..."Where'd she learn that???" The game ended up tied, but Daria scored two goals. She was all over the field, zipping in and out of players, and seeming to trip the light fantastic. Sometimes I swear that I'll burst with pride. She's awesome, I tell you, awesome.

After the game, the girls were having a good time together. They stood around comparing mud splatters. One mom declared it was because they were running so fast. Daria brought a friend home after the game and the whole trip home they were comparing mud splatters. Who had it highest on their backs....Hey, Mom...this one looks like a face...do you see it? I'm not much of a mud fan...but the girls thought it was great fun. I was left wondering how to get mud splatters out of white uniforms? (whoever thought that was a good color to use!?!)

When we got home, I lined the girls up and took pictures of their muddy shirts and their grinning faces.

Aren't they cute??

Darkness

2008-10-03T18:20:00.000-07:00

Well, it has arrived. Fall. I tell everyone who asks, that I really don't like Fall. Fall just means that winter is coming; and, I dread winter.

There is one redeeming thing about Fall. One thing that separates it from Winter...at least here in the Portland area. I really do love the color of the leaves. I have been amazed at how the colors have really popped in the last week. They are gorgeous. I have a few favorite roads around town that I like to drive down because the trees are stunning.

Stunning....but short lived.

Today, it feels like Winter Darkness is settling in. Rain. Gray clouds. Cold. So heavy it seems to drag my spirits just a tad. I am so not ready for winter. If we could just have beautiful, white snow to cover over the gray and reflect what little sunshine comes....it would be so much better.

I guess I should be more thankful. Guess that is what happens when I miss my weekly Thankful Thursday post. Maybe I will have to do one later. Retro style.

For now, I will dream of hot baths and cups of tea....with a good book. Its been that kind of day.

Sometimes.....

2008-09-30T23:36:00.001-07:00

....when the house is dark and quiet.

.....when I've laid down my work for the day.

....when I've started to pray.

....needs of tomorrow start pouring in.

....the weight becomes unbearable.

....I feel overwhelmed.

....I feel defeated.

Sometimes.....

Mr. Slick Willy

2008-09-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today's blog is courtesy of my guest blogger....Tim. He was like a kid caught in a candy store, he was so excited about his topic. So....please don't disown me for this blog....just love me in spite of it. So without further ado....here's Tim:

Last Monday, I grabbed a bag of cereal in the garage to bring upstairs. As soon as I picked it up, cereal started falling on the floor because a couple of small holes had been chewed in the bag. I set a couple of mouse traps and caught a mouse before the end of the day. I think my wife was relieved that I caught it. I noticed though that all the cereal that was spilled on the ground was now gone. I asked wife (don't you just love his words of endearment?) if she had been sweeping in the garage but apparently she had not. By Thursday, I had caught 5 mice; but then the traps stopped tripping yet the cheese and peanut butter kept disappearing. The cheese would be nibbled back to the very edge of the narrow plate and the peanut butter would be licked clean. For 3 days, I baited the traps at least twice a day but nothing.

On Sunday, I decided to get serious and broke out 2 more traps for a total of 4. Within half an hour of setting them, all four were licked clean even though all 4 traps were next to each other. My friend, Ryan, gave me an idea. I reset all four traps and set up our video camera. I was determined to know how Mr. Slick Willy was licking them clean without setting them off. I set the camera on night shot and extended play and went to bed. This is what was recorded 2 1/2 hours after going to bed.

Mr Slick Willy's luck finally ran out. So far, no other traps have been licked clean so we might be rid of the mice in the garage for now.

So, there you go. Have I ever mentioned the sick humor that Tim has? You should have seen him watch and rewatch this clip. He'd chuckle every time. The kids thought it was just as hilarious.

Help me...please...I'm living with a bunch of sickos!

"Cool" apparently is all in the eyes of the beholder

2008-09-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

A year ago, Daria picked out the above backpack for her school usage. But....after the first day of school, the backpack proved too small for her needs. I was a little bummed because, really, it is an adorable backpack. For the last year, it has sat in the back of the closet waiting for someone to claim it.

This summer, Daria was in need of a backpack to haul her water back and forth to soccer practice. I thought, "Perfect. That cute little backpack will now have a good use." Oh, you would have thought that I was punishing her for the worst crimes for having her use that backpack. The drama that carried on every day was crazy. She finally settled on an old backpack with a broken zipper. To her, it was way better than the adorable, pink and black, sparkly Hello Kitty backpack.

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with my friend, Lindsay. She is currently in The Know about what is cool and what isn't. She wanted me to tell Daria that her current back was cool. So, I shared with Lindsay about the Hello Kitty backpack. She looked at me like I was straight out of the Ice Age or something. Like...of course...Daria shouldn't use the Hello Kitty backpack....it is...like...so totally not cool.

Fast forward to my Women's Retreat that I went to this weekend. I needed to bag to carry my bible and stuff around the camp. So, I took Daria's beautiful and unused Hello Kitty bag. I am going on the record to say that all my friends at Retreat thought that my backpack was totally cool. I think that if I had left it unattended for a few minutes, they may have ran off with it. If the chips were in my favor, I may have even been able to "trade up!" Not that I would have wanted to, mind you.

So, Lindsay, I am cool....and so is my backpack. Though, when Daria saw the picture of the backpack on my blog, she said "HEY....that's my backpack!"

Whatever.

Driving Home a Point

2008-09-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

I am so loving having my laptop here at camp. I seem to process things so much quicker, and more in depth, when I can type them out. So...I guess you will just have to put up with another wandering post of what I feel like God is teaching me this weekend.

My worlds are colliding again. God is making a point of making a point. I guess it just confirms to me that many lessons in life are never just a one time thing. That if God were to teach us everything we needed to know at one time, we would be overwhelmed and possibly blow a circuit board, if you catch my drift there. So, each day, God is painting another layer of His direction upon my heart. Maybe in the end, there will be a beautiful painting with depth of color and perspective.

I started my solo time today continuing to read about Jesus and the claims that He made while He was here on earth. Today's readings asked me to look at the violent responses to His claims. Of the scriptures that I read today, the responses were amazingly emotional and extreme. He was accused of blasphemy. People tore their clothes at His claims. Twice, they made the attempt to stone Him. They called Him demon-possessed and raving mad. (I found "raving mad" to be particularly descriptive!) The people even attempted to drive Him out of town and over a cliff.

Then my study took me to the claims of Jesus' followers. To them, Jesus was the image of the invisible God, maker of all things, the radiance of God's glory, the exact representation of God's being. He was their Lord, their God, their blessed Hope, and their great God and Savior. Isn't the contrast amazing? From the depths of hell.....to the glorious reaches of Heaven. That was the response of the people of Jesus' day.

As I contemplated this, I began to wonder what my response would have been if I had been walking the streets of Jerusalem in Jesus' day. Would I have been one of the skeptics who cried blasphemy and tore my clothes as I reached for a stone? Or would I have been His devout followers who declared the wonders of who He really was? As I contemplated my doubts in regards to my anger, I took pause at that though. What would my real reaction have been?

Also, as I was reading, I was drawn to some more scriptures that I had highlighted in previous readings. Wow. Another layer to add to the pictures of my life. It was in 2 Peter 1:3-7.

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowlede of Him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has give us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith, goodness, and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self control, and to self control, perseverance, and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

As is often true when we reread scripture, I saw something new that I had seen before. If you notice, there is a progression in these scriptures. First, we start with faith. And then add to faith, goodness. Then add to goodness, knowledge. To knowledge, is added self control. Do you see it? A progression. A layering effect. A process. That was why I made the word "add" so large. For me, it needed to be emphasized.

For me, I think that my progression needs to dwell on the self control and perseverance. I want so badly to have my anger completely eradicated to never be that thorn in my side again. Yet, there is a progression that probably needs to occur in my life. A development of my self-control and my ability to persevere.

As I read these scriptures, I looked below at the footnote comments on this particular scripture. I had to underline a statement in the comments. It said: "These actions do not come automatically; they require hard work." Part of me wilted at the thought of hard work. But then I remembered the sense of satisfaction I often have after I tackle a particularly difficult home project. I am so proud of it. I will often go back and admire the fruits of my hard work, time and again.

I hope that someday, I will be able to look back, and admire the fruits of the hard work that Jesus and I will do together.

Sounds of Retreat

2008-09-26T16:03:00.000-07:00

Today, I found a new blessing of my laptop that my sweetie bought me. Here I am, miles away from home, on a spiritual retreat, and I can blog about my experiences almost at the time that they happened. I find that so fun.

One of the blessings that I am finding at retreat this year, is my times alone. Each morning there is a scheduled solo time. A time to be alone with God. That is such a rare time for me. Especially to have a whole hour. (who has that anymore??) Even my free time has been spent predominately by myself. I spent over an hour walking down the beach, with my iPod turned to praise music. It was wonderful. I've been a little surprised at my enjoyment of being alone. As much as I've enjoyed my times with friends, even.

This morning at morning worship, someone made a comment about loving when two of their worlds collide. For me, I define that as when God drives home a lesson. He makes a point. Then He makes a point of remaking that point. Get my drift? Today, at my solo time, I felt like God was making a point of remaking a point for me. Loved that colliding of my worlds.

Like Paul of Old, I have a thorn in the flesh....that, at this point in time, God has chosen not to remove. My anger tends to get the best of me. A failing that I have repented of time and again. And I do mean time and again. I cannot even begin to number the amount of times that I have had to fall on my knees and beg for God's forgiveness....only to turn around and fail again.

A week or so ago, as I lay awake, desperately trying to sleep, I started to pray about numerous things. As I prayed, I realized that though I had often asked God to forgive my anger, I had never asked Him to release me from the bondage of my anger. Isn't that an interesting thought? Quick to ask for forgiveness....but failing to asked to be released. That night, I prayed that God would release me from my anger. I decided that I would pray for that as long as it took for God to answer. I plan on storming the gates of heaven, if I must.

Today, during my solo time, I was reading in Colossians 2. I was doing a study on the names that had been given Jesus by others. As I read, I was drawn to verses that I had highlighted before. These are the snippets of scripture that I read from Colossians:

"Christ, who is the head over every power and authority..." (vs. 10)

"In Him, you were circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature...circumcision done by Christ" (vs. 11)

"He forgave us all our sins" (vs. 13)

"He took it away, nailing it to the cross...." (vs. 14)

"And having disarmed the powers and authorities....triumphing over them by the cross..." (vs 15)

Okay...that was pretty awesome. To think about God circumcising my sinful nature. Circumcise is a pretty descriptive word. When I looked up the word in the dictionary, some of the words used in the definition were cut, removal, amputate. When a little boy is circumcised, that foreskin is gone. Never to be put back on again.

As I continued on again in my name study, I was taken to Matthew 8. It is the story about Jesus healing a man with leprosy. Even after I found the name that Jesus was called, I was drawn to a part of the story.

"'Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.'

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. 'I am willing,' he said, 'Be clean'

Immediately he was cured of his leprosy."

Immediately. A word that I understand. Yet, sometime God chooses not to be immediate. Even so, I really felt like God was telling me that He is willing. He is willing. And I know that my God is able. He can cure the leper. He can free the demon-possessed. He can raise the dead. Yet somehow there is a part of me that says that though God is willing...and He is able...I will not be freed from my anger. My anger will win out every time. How wrong that is to think that I am not able to be freed. That is telling my God that He is not bigger than my anger. Why is that so hard to believe? Why is it so hard for me to believe that God will free me? The phrase that came to me at the time was "help my unbelief." I had to look up the scripture where that came from.

I was taken to Mark 9:21-24. It is the story of the demon-possessed boy that Jesus healed.

"Jesus asked the boy's father, 'How long has he been like this?'

'From childhood,' he answered, 'It has often thrown him into the fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us.'

''If you can?' Jesus said. 'Everything is possible for him that believes.'

Immediately, the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe, help me to overcome my unbelief!'"

I've decided that that final declaration by the boy's father needs to be my daily declaration as well. I need to say it to myself every day until my heart takes ownership of it. I need to declare it every time I feel the anger boiling in my stomach. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every time.

I DO BELIEVE. HELP ME TO OVERCOME MY UNBELIEF!