Oh the pressure.

Soccer isn't that big a deal. Or at least it shouldn't be.

I love that my daughter loves soccer. I love that she is good at it. I get a lot of joy out of watching her play. I love to hear what other people say about her and her soccer skills.

But right now, it kind of stinks.

The pressure is on for us to make the decision. I really don't like the pressure. I would rather like to feel like the power is in our hands. When our hand is forced, I want to run.

It makes me thankful, again, that Tim is so level headed. I tend to run on emotions and sometimes my body blocks my thought processes. When I hear the jockeying, I cower; Tim steps up to the plate. This is a good example of when we work well together. I asked him the other night to handle this...and he is. I'm so glad.

So....right now Tim is doing a lot of talking with the coach. I'm not sure what will come of it. Probably another night of little sleep as we talk things through. Ugh.

It shouldn't be this hard. It's just soccer.

Things that make you go....Hmmmm.....

It has been a while since I've blogged about Daria and soccer. Not that she has stopped playing....just that things have settled down some. Things are starting to pick up again. Which is okay....but in the last couple of days there has been a lot of things to think about. Soccer shouldn't be this difficult for parents when she is only 10!!

This last month has been Spring Academy for her. I suppose it is like a soccer camp....but it really is just a preview for Classic tryouts. She has also been finishing up a Spring outdoor PDP session. As always she continues to amaze me and does an amazing job. She seems to be improving all the time...and that is a good thing!!

My biggest wish in the world of soccer has been that the selection of teams would be fair and based on the girls' playing abilities. The more I listen in and learn about it, though, I am finding that it is a very political thing....and it all starts back when the girls start playing soccer!! It is just ridiculously crazy. I try very hard not to let myself get carried away with the frustration of it all. It is so easy to get wrapped up in it all. Ultimately, I just want Daria to play with a good team, and for a good coach who we can work with and be respected for our point of view regarding church.

In this last outdoor session, Daria's team recruited a trio of girls from a Newberg team to play with them. Their coach came along too. These girls were excellent....and I knew of the coach from college. He played soccer for George Fox when I was a student. And through other George Fox/soccer connections, I have heard very good things about this coach.

The last couple of games, this coach has said very flattering things about Daria and her playing. Of course, being her mother, I think she is a fabulous player. She continues to amaze me with her abilities. Even so, I still soak up the things that people tell her directly....as well as the things that I overhear. There's just something about seeing and hearing that your children do well. Then on Friday night, at the End of Season party, this coach approached Tim and I about Daria coming to play on his team.

He said all the right things.

This coach believes that Daria should play on an A team. He was surprised that the A team coach in our town hadn't picked her up yet.....that she should be playing on their team. And not just playing.....but starting. He also said that he has a winning club. His team has gone to the medal rounds in every thing they have entered. He says that with a player like Daria....they could go all the way. Whose to know if he's right. A mom wants to believe all that....but who knows if he is just laying it on thick. He also said the he already knows what he would work on with Daria to make her from a good player....to a great player. Now that one I will agree with....the things that he talked about are things I see his daughter do. She is one classy player.

This presents a lot of things for Tim and I to think over...and a decision needs to be made by Friday. He presented a lot of other thoughts....like taking control of Daria's soccer future instead of letting the A team decide it for her. He said he really had picked up on the political factor between the two teams when they played a couple of weeks ago. We also talked with him about our stand on Sunday games during the church hour. He was very understanding of that. We have been very worried about that...especially after this current coach gave us so much grief for missing a game because of church.

So....all that to say....that I'm proud of my girlie. It is exciting to me that she is being noticed and asked for. Yet so much to think about and making sure we make the right decision for her...and our family. I laid awake way too long the other night thinking about it. The relative known vs. the relative unknown.

Hmmmm.....

Oh the Bliss!!

I love the sun. I am not sure there is anything much better than a warm, sunny day after a long, dreary, gray winter. We have had that kind of weather this weekend. I'm in love.

Today has been a perfect day. For the first time in a long time, we had a day with no outside obligations. It was so nice. Our day looked like this:

Church.

Lunch.

And then the bliss......an afternoon of playing in the glorious sun with my family. AND....bonus....we were all actually in a pretty good mood. Must be something with that sun.

One of our favorite weekend activities is to go play around on the high school turf field. The sun must have brought out the city of Sherwood...all seeking to soak in the sun. It was busy!! We still managed to find a corner of grass and we played some soccer games. Luke even got involved. Usually he finds a quiet game of his own to play. He doesn't think he can keep up so he doesn't try.

And he was hilarious!!! He loves cell phones...and he had two in his hands. He was so kind as to share them with me!! Wasn't that sweet? We'd be in the middle of a soccer ball attack...and he'd yell: "Quick, Mom, trade!" And we would toss the phones. At other times, as he's running the ball around, he'd flip out his phone and start carrying on a conversation. WHAT??? You'd can't talk on the phone and play soccer at the same time? He's so funny some times!!

We had a good time.

After we wore ourselves out...and Tim burned off his testosterone by drop kicking a thousand balls....we decided that we were hungry for dinner. And shock of all shocks....Tim took us out for dinner!!! (And we had McD's hamburgers for lunch!!) The kids didn't even mind that it was at Taco Bell! (bonus!) And as we munched on our tacos, Tim just drives right on by the turn off for home and heads for Newberg.

Earlier in the day, I had made a comment that strawberry shortcakes were probably now in season at Burgerville. My favorite. So, where did he take us. To Burgerville.

Oh. My. Goodness.

And once we are there...not only does he order me a strawberry shortcake....but he orders ice cream cones for him and the kids.

**THUD**

And I must say that strawberry shortcake was pure bliss. The perfect ending to a wonderful day. It's been almost a whole year since I've had a strawberry shortcake from Burgerville!! And they've made them oh-so-much bigger. Yum. It was so yummy that I could have licked the container. But...I refrained.

And just rejoiced in the bliss of a perfect day.

Thankful Thursday

To my faithful followers: No, you are not going insane. I did not get this written on Thursday like I wanted....but I post dated it so that it would fall on Thursday. The thoughts that are wrapped up in this post had been bubbling all week, and I'm just now getting to putting them down.

On Saturday, April 4, a friend of mine lost her brother-in-law. He was one of the three police officers that was gunned down in Pittsburgh. Her sister is only 27 years old, widowed with two sweet girls to raise on her own. I've been following the story for the last week. I'm not sure why it has struck me as hard as it has. Maybe it is because, in a round-about-way I "knew" her....and seen pictures of her family. It seems like every time I would read a story about this family, I would sit at the computer crying. I think one of the biggest tragedies of life is losing a spouse or child. All in all, my life has been pretty tragedy-free. Maybe that is why I have this suppressed fear that someday that tragedy is going to be mine.

I know before I left for Mexico I confessed that one of my fears was to have Tim or I die while our children were young. When I was pregnant with Luke, a friend of ours died in his sleep, leaving behind his little girl, who was Daria's age, and his wife. I just remember being shell-shocked with the absolute suddenness of it. Nothing about it felt right. Just as this Pittsburgh tragedy just does not feel right. At times like this, I wish that God would let us see the bigger picture, and His purposes. Yet, we are left to trust that God is still in control...and He knows.

As I have thought about this post for the last couple of days, it seemed like I had more eloquent words to express my thoughts. Yet, when I get down to actually typing it out, all the thoughts come out jumbled. All of that to say, that I must, constantly, express my gratitude for the gifts that God has blessed me with...for tomorrow....they could be gone.

So, today I am thankful for:

• My Tim. I am so thankful for his health. For his consistency. For his faith. For his faithful provision for me and our children. Each day with him is a gift.
  

• My children. Sometimes they drive me crazy with the bickering, but they are precious. They are brilliant. Charismatic. Hilarious. Beautiful. Each day with them is as gift.
  

• For each day. For each day that God gives me here, I am thankful. Even for the days where things don't go the way I want them. For the days that I am tired. For the days I am overly busy. For the days that I feel overworked. For the days that I get to celebrate any ol' thing. Each day is a gift.
  

Some times I feel like my Thankful Thursdays are terribly repetitive, but this week, I have felt confirmed that I need to acknowledge these things constantly.

Lest I forget.

Thankful Thursday....Mexico Serve Trip Style

I had hoped to get on here today and continue my Mexican saga, but my tummy has been doing an extra Mexican jig today...so no new Mexican post. But after coming off a week that I just experienced, I couldn't let this Thursday go by without expressing some gratitude.

Today for Moms in Touch, we praised God for being faithful. The evidences of His faithfulness fills my heart with gratitude. As I go way back to basics for my thankfulness, I wish that I had the pictures to adequately show why I am so very grateful. Out of respect to the people we visited, I do not have pictures....only the pictures that are engraved on my heart.

So, today I am very, very thankful for:

• My family. One night, during our fireside talks, we were encouraged to think about what makes us feel secure. We were asked to think hard about that. Does what you think makes you feel secure really make you secure....or does it just bring you comfort? Wow. All those things that I thought was security...when I got honest with myself...was really comfort. What my security really boiled down to, outside of my faith in Jesus, was my family.

• My home. I know...this is purely a comfort item....but I am so thankful for my home. After seeing the homes that these people lived in...after seeing these homes that other mothers were attempting to keep their own children secure....I was reminded of how very, very blessed I am. I have always been thankful for my home....but this was different. I can't even begin to explain.

• Tim's job. One night, our group had the privilege of delivering food baskets to some very poor families. The story that we were told was that these families were living in these "apartments" that were owned by their boss. These homes were theirs to use as long as they continued to work for this boss. This same "generous" boss was also 3 weeks behind on paying these very, very poor families...at times he has been 5 weeks behind. I came away doubly reminded of how very, very blessed we are.

• My job. Because of Tim's job, and our commitment to our finances, I am blessed to work as a Mom. Sometimes I am not very grateful for this job. The Atta-Girls can be very few and far between. But, it is a blessing that I have the freedom to be an active part in my kids' lives. That I can spend an afternoon working at their school. That I can take a morning and attend a field trip. That I can be here when they wake up and get them ready for school. That I can be there, waiting in carline, ready to pick them up after school. That I can be there to listen to their frustrations and help them with their homework. That I can be here to brush their teeth and pray with them at bedtime. That I can be here. It is a gift....a comfort.
  

• My kids' health. One day, I was allowed the privilege of holding a little boy while he slept. His sister would carry him to the VBS that we were putting on for the migrant settlement that we were visiting. I understood that she was his caregiver during the day while her parents were working in the fields. The first two days that we were there, the sister wouldn't let anyone care for him while she played. On Wednesday, he had fallen asleep in her arms, and someone finally convinced her to release him so that she could play. As she played, like any little girl should have the privilege to do, I held him. He was so tiny....though I'm guessing he was older than his size let on. As I looked at him, something told me that something wasn't quite right with him. No proof....just a gut feeling. My heart broke as I looked at him. I wanted to bathe him. Wash his dirty face. Lotion up his dry and scabby arms. And I was reminded of how very thankful I am for my kids and the health that God has granted them. A comfort.

Okay. I guess this did become a continuation of my Mexican saga. Guess I should have known that......because God is faithful.

Coming Home

After spending approximately 50 hours in a bus with 16+ people and traveling approximately 2500 miles (round trip), I'm home from Mexico!

Shannon and I in our "spots." Creatures of habit...all of us!!

Occasionally, the faces changed...but my view for many an hour.

And through it all, God was faithful. When I am truly honest, I expected nothing less from Him. It is me who does the scrambling.

What a week. I have much to say on the subject....and lots of pictures to go with it! (I just counted up 42 pictures to share...and that is just a smatter of the highlights!!) For the last couple of days since I have been home, I have been overwhelmed with how to summarize such a week. To put it all in one post would be just ridiculously long...and completely insufficient. So to help me get over the largeness of the task ahead, I decided to break the week up in many posts. So, if you want, keep coming back to hear more.

To begin to summarize, I couldn't help but start with the ending.....Coming Home. After my departure post that talked about my fears of leaving on such an adventure, it seems only appropriate to talk about God's goodness in Coming Home. Isn't that what our life should be? A testament to God's faithfulness through our scrambling fears and all-too-human thoughts?

One of my "fears" was leaving my kids for as long as I did. For the last 10 years, my life and daily happenings has been defined almost solely by my children. What do I do and who am I when I am not with my children? Or thinking about my children? Or planning around my children? I think that my longest stretches of leaving them has been for a long weekend to Women's Retreat, which is 2 half days and 2 whole days. I was gone to Mexico for essentially 8 whole days.

God is faithful. I know that I am not irreplaceable. Other people are just as good, or better, at washing clothes, keeping house, making meals...etc. But, in my household, that has been my job. And no one loves my children more than I do. (And who wants to know that you can be replaced!?!) I left my children knowing that the next best thing to me was going to be there caring for them.

On the weekends, Tim did a great job doing his Daddy-thing. It sounds like they had a great time together! On this last Sunday after coming home, something happened that revealed to me that my time away was a good thing for my children and their daddy. Caden took a fall on his rollerblades, and had a cut big enough to cause some bleeding. Usually, when my children are hurt, it is my name that they yell. That day? They yelled for Tim. "Dad, Dad, come quick. Caden is hurt and he needs you!" I did the best thing for the situation. I stayed right where I was and let Tim handle it. It was a good thing.

During the week, while Tim worked, I was blessed to have my parents come and do their Grammy-and-Papa-thing. Bonus on top of all that was the arrival of Auntie Tresa and The Cousins, Alyssa and Kyle. It sounds like it was a whirlwind of adventures, exciting times and trips to McDonald's! I'm kind of sad that I missed the Hoopla....but I guess it was because I was gone that the Hoopla happened!! Good times. Good memories. Thanks, Mom, Dad, and Tresa. You were a blessing.

I would suppose that it was the knowledge that my kids were left in such great care that I really didn't worry about my kids. I don't think it was until Thursday, as we drove by, in the light, some homes that we had visited the night before in the dark, that I really missed my kids. I had thought of them and wondered what adventures they were experiencing, but I hadn't really missed them yet. On that Thursday, I just wanted to grab them up in my arms and hold them tight. They are a huge part of the blessing that I was reminded of while I was in Mexico. I missed my kids.

On Friday, after crossing back into the United States, my friend was wonderful enough to share her cell phone with me and I was able to call home and talk to my family. It was so good to talk to them. I was sort of worried that they would be too busy with Grammy and Papa to give me much notice on the phone, but it was music to my ears to hear Luke express his thoughts. After telling me about a few exciting things, Luke declared: "Mom, I think I kind of miss you." Wow!! That did my heart good, especially after he responded "O.K." after I told him that I loved him!!

Saturday, our last day of travel, was a tedious, antsy day for me. I just wanted to be home. It hadn't helped that I hadn't slept much the night before and was tired and a bit cranky. Every stop was a testing of my patience!! I had a good day of practicing restraint. Okay. I wasn't really that bad, but there was a part of me that desperately wished that I was Samantha of Bewitched and could just twinkle my nose and be home!! I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to pull up the driveway of the church, hearing the bus' horn scream out the cheers bursting in my heart, knowing that my family was waiting for me right there!

Let me tell you, there is nothing better than being greeted by my children all clamoring for me at once. I felt like a celebrity!! I couldn't hug them or kiss them nearly fast enough. I had a whole week to make up for, you know! For the rest of the evening, they were all talking to me at once, trying to tell me everything at once. "Mom, why aren't you listening to me????" "I don't know...you are all talking to me at once!!" Everyone was touching me and hugging me as if they were as hungry as I was to be with them. Even though it was exactly what I needed, it exhausted me too. Not sure why, all I did was sit in a bus all day!!

It is so good to be home. My own bed. A hot shower. Familiar foods. A beautiful home. Renewed gratitude. It is good.

Yet, I can't believe how hard it has been to get back into the swing of things. I sort of feel lost in my own home. The kids were missing some items and asking me where they were. How was I suppose to know??? I hadn't been around for 8 days! My mom also did a little rearranging in my cupboards....good...but sometimes I feel lost!! But it sure is nice to be home again.

I have been really tired this week. I probably need to just crash super early some night since my regular sleep schedules don't seem to be enough to catch me up. I've just been a puddle this week. It hasn't helped that my tummy, and other things south of that, have been off a tad this week. I know...more information than you needed. Yet with all that, I can't complain.

Have I mentioned yet that it is good to be home?