Can you hear me now???

I think one of my biggest frustrations in life right now is that I feel like I can talk until I'm blue in the face and not really be heard.

"What'd you say?"

That is what Tim would say right now if I verbally said it out loud. Of course, right now, he is sacked out on the couch....again.....and he wouldn't hear a word that I say. But that is a typical response of his when I ask him if he heard me. Of course, 99% of the time he is just teasing me. It is an time-old joke between him and I. I can't tell you how many times I took him seriously and repeated myself. I'm getting smarter. Either that or I've just been married to him for forever.

So maybe I shouldn't say that I wish that I was heard. I want people to listen. So maybe I should think for a while on what is meant by listened to. Can I feel like people have listened if there is no response? No acknowledgment. No change in behavior. Nothing.

What is the responsibility of the listener?

Then again, maybe it is the fault of the communicator. Maybe I have failed, again and again, to communicate well. But then again, are we only required to listen if things are communicated correctly, succinctly, and well? Is it possible to listen even when the point is stated poorly and in frustration?

Maybe my frustration lies in the secret desire I have to be understood whether I say anything at all. Sometimes I can't say what really needs to be said. Or the words fail me. Even then....can I be heard? I mean....really heard.

Or maybe I just really want to know that I've been heard. I mean really know. Even my prayers of persistency and desperation come from just wanting to be truly heard.

Enough of that. Gonna break that thought train. Rant over.