Being The A.D.

Looking back, I didn't truly appreciate living in the home of educators, but as an adult, I realize now how incredibly awesome that was. My parents had time off at Christmas, Spring Break, and Summer. We took full advantage of those vacations. Time with family, camping trips, and day trips to the local beach were regular activities.

My dad was our family's athletic director. Being a physical education teacher, it seemed the appropriate term in our family to describe the person who planned our family's adventures. Though, as I think about it, seems like I remember there being "kerfuffles" over who actually was the A.D., or Athletic Director! As a kid, I took that role for granted because we were always off on some adventure or other.

So, here I am: The Queen of My Own Domain. The Holder Down of the Fort. The Fixer of Boo Boos. The Chauffeur. The Maid. And....unfortunately....The A. D. The dreaded Athletic Director. I've decided that the role of A.D. is one of my unspoken gender assigned roles. I've waited for 15 years for my husband to be the A.D. Unfortunately, he carries his own gender assigned role of being The Provider. And his Provider job does not have vacations like an educator.

*sigh*

Recognizing my need to be The A.D. hasn't helped me much. I struggle so much in planning activities for my kids....for our family. I get weighed down with the details. What to do. How to get there. How much it might cost. How many people will be there. Not-so-cooperative attitudes of my children. My husband's availability vs. doing it without him. And the list goes on. Road block after road block, I find myself doing very little, or nothing at all.

Not what I planned. Not what I want.

And yet, whether I plan something or not, life goes on. With or without me.

Aiming for With.