Being The A.D.

Looking back, I didn't truly appreciate living in the home of educators, but as an adult, I realize now how incredibly awesome that was. My parents had time off at Christmas, Spring Break, and Summer. We took full advantage of those vacations. Time with family, camping trips, and day trips to the local beach were regular activities.

My dad was our family's athletic director. Being a physical education teacher, it seemed the appropriate term in our family to describe the person who planned our family's adventures. Though, as I think about it, seems like I remember there being "kerfuffles" over who actually was the A.D., or Athletic Director! As a kid, I took that role for granted because we were always off on some adventure or other.

So, here I am: The Queen of My Own Domain. The Holder Down of the Fort. The Fixer of Boo Boos. The Chauffeur. The Maid. And....unfortunately....The A. D. The dreaded Athletic Director. I've decided that the role of A.D. is one of my unspoken gender assigned roles. I've waited for 15 years for my husband to be the A.D. Unfortunately, he carries his own gender assigned role of being The Provider. And his Provider job does not have vacations like an educator.

*sigh*

Recognizing my need to be The A.D. hasn't helped me much. I struggle so much in planning activities for my kids....for our family. I get weighed down with the details. What to do. How to get there. How much it might cost. How many people will be there. Not-so-cooperative attitudes of my children. My husband's availability vs. doing it without him. And the list goes on. Road block after road block, I find myself doing very little, or nothing at all.

Not what I planned. Not what I want.

And yet, whether I plan something or not, life goes on. With or without me.

Aiming for With.

Happiness A to Z

We are on the Official Day 2 of Spring Break. The first day went fairly well. No fights. Some chores were finished. All in all, a very good day. It gave me hope for the rest of Spring break.

Today, I woke to gray skies. Again. The rain sprinkled me this morning on my walk. The cloud cover is significant enough to tell me there won't be any sunbreaks today. Bummer.

The gray skies seem to be settling in here in the house too. Complaints. Mumbled sour words. Arguments.

*sigh*

I want joy. I want happiness. I want kindness and forgiveness. Not sure if we'll get there, but I'm hopeful. So, let's focus on happiness. What brings me happiness? Let's contemplate that from A to Z:

*Applied Talents. My kids have lots of them. It brings me lots of joy to see them used. Athleticism. Great memory. Math skills. Singing. Piano.

*Brotherly togetherness. It was sooo much fun to watch the boys working together yesterday on chores. I smiled so big as I watched Caden patiently teaching Luke how to make cookies. Not the best batch of cookies we've ever had; but, they were sweet just the same.

*Cozy hugs. I love that my kids still want to snuggle with me once in a while.

*Doggy tricks. Ruby is such a hoot when she's going through her little "routine." Cracks me up when she "anticipates" our calls. It is fun to watch my kids playing with her too.

*Everyone together. Seems like lately that our family time together is rare and far between. I love it when we are all together enjoying the same thing.

*Friends. Nothing is better than a great friend. It makes it even better when my kids are friends to each other.

*Good coffee. I never thought I'd say that!! I've always loved the smell of coffee...reminds me of my grandpa. Now, I enjoy a good cup of coffee. A little bit of pleasure amidst the chaos.

*Happy kids. When my kids are happy, this Mom can't help but be happy.

*Ice cream. Smiles in a bowl. 'Nuf said.

*Jesus. Without Him, I'm toast.

*Kindness. Why does that seem such a rare thing these days? One act of kindness can change everything.

*Laughter. Best sound on earth.

*Mom time. When the kids are finally in bed, and the house is quiet, that is pure bliss. Makes me sigh just thinking about it.

*Notes from anyone. Writing notes seems to be a dieing art anymore. How I cherish the words that are written. Those can be revisited again and again. The rewards are endless.

*Overly beautiful flowers. Come on, Spring, do your best!

*Pictures. There is a lot of joy to be found in looking at pictures. Pictures are worth a thousand words. Really.

*Quiet games. Fun and peace all wrapped in one.

*Red Robin. A shared hamburger from Red Robin with my Tim. 'Nuf said.

*Silly jokes. Okay...sometimes this is obnoxious....but roll with it....it's fun.

*Tim coming home early from work. Or should I reword that to: Tim coming home on time.

*Unexpected blessings. Who doesn't love that?

*Very hot bath coupled with a good book....yippee!!

*Walking Ruby. Not always; but, I am coming to really enjoy them. Most of the time.

*eXciting books. I love a good, well-written book.

*Zipping up my new birthday jacket. I love warmth.


This exercise of looking at what makes me happy seems to be working. Hoping the rest of the day proves so.

The Need for the Gift of Beauty

Winter in Oregon is tough for me. Gray. Wet. Gray. Cold. Gray. Damp. Gray. And so it goes. Even with the advent of Spring, (I think), I find myself stuck in the cycle of Gray. Wet. Gray. Cold. Gray. Damp. Gray. This morning, on my walk, as we slowed to a new-found, granted temporary, rhythm of Spring Break, I started to becomes aware of COLOR. Green grass. Yellow daffodils. Purple crocus. Ah....beauty.

Now, sitting in my home, darkened by the gray skies outside, I crave color. I crave beauty. I'm currently watching a home-decorating. Oh, that is a gift I wish that God had given me. The gift, the ability, to create beauty where I am. I crave beauty, and yet I feel paralyzed in my abilities to create beauty. It doesn't help that my home is cluttered with the mess of the weekend and the beginnings of Spring break.

People's giftings make certain tasks seem so easy. Their gift flows from them with ease and grace. I have always felt that somehow God skipped over me in my gifts. I don't automatically see where my giftings are. I want so badly to decorate my home with ease. I hate being paralyzed by my own fears of just jumping into that. I crave the beautiful. Why can't I create beauty.

A couple of weeks ago, in Sunday school, a friend suggested that may gift was writing. I struggle with that because I see others who write so much better. But, writing is as different as decorating. Each style is different and valued. So, I decided today, as I craved the gift of making beauty, I decided to test the waters of beginning my blog once again. Finding value in myself in the value of making beauty through writing.

My prayer is, as I finish this disjointed post, is that I will find value in the beauty of my writing once again. As I write, I pray that I find the beauty of color in my thoughts.

Come, Spring, bring your color.