It's been almost 2 years since I lost my Ruby. Her death came in a season of already HUGE loss and hurt. Hurt unlike anything I have ever experienced before and hope that I never experience again. It's been even longer than the 2 years since she's been gone that this Hurt has been in my life. Some days I feel like I am finally defeating the hurt and so I give God huge thanks. I'll brace myself even in the midst of giving thanks for the healing, knowing that I'll probably be side swiped with the pain all over again.
Today is one of those days where the side-swiping is hitting hard. My heart hurts. And I miss my Ruby. Again. She was my comfort here on earth. Some days I wonder why God took her during one of the darkest times of my life.
There was a time that I though I would never get a dog again. It's too hard. The Loving and the Losing. The Loving is amazing. The acceptance. The joy. The laughter. The sweet wags at the top of the stairs when I come home from work. The nudge in the night for a little loving. The feelings of safety and security while we walked in the dark morning light.
The Losing is so hard. I'm starting to heal from that. Not feeling as broken with the loss of her. I wish the Broken from the Hurt would fade as well.
Today I breathe with anticipation. A couple of months ago, I decided I was ready to try loving another dog again. Getting Tim to join me in that was part of the hullabaloo of Loving again. I anticipate because the puppy I've chosen hasn't come home yet. She comes home in a little over a week. Barring anything unusual. I almost had a puppy come home in October....only for something unusual to happen. So, I breathe anticipation in....and hold my breath.
I'm hoping that part of the healing of Losing (Ruby and my Hurt) is Loving again.
I can't hardly wait.
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