Under My Porch

Sometimes, when we spend time at my parents' house, my dad will have a project for the kids to work on. One year, it was bird houses. So, way up in a couple of our trees, we have a couple of brightly colored bird houses. One of them is right outside our front window, so I can see it pretty easily. In all this time, I don't think any bird has ever taken a fancy to one of our brightly colored homes. I thought maybe once I saw a bird fly out....but I think I was mistaken. The fact there no one ever adopted our beautiful homes has often been a disappointment and a puzzlement to my kids.

This year, we discovered a fun little surprise under our porch. Tim noticed one day that a bird had made a nest on the support beam. It was the day that I noticed that I thought I saw evidence of moles in our yards, that Tim told me about the nest. Why??? Because that precious little bird made her nest right on top of Tim's mole trap. Crazy little bird.
If you notice the blue object in the picture, that is the trap. I've been spooked a couple of times when I have walked into the back yard when the Mama Bird has flown away. With the amount of time, and the craziness of our play in the yard, I've wondered if we had chased the Mama away. Apparently, we hadn't.

I asked Tim to take a couple of pictures the other day so that I could post them here on my blog. To our surprise, the Mama must have been feeding them when he went out because those little buggers were sticking their heads out good. We think there might be 5 of them in there. You can count for yourself.

They are soooooo cute. We've peeked a couple of times through the cracks from the top of the deck, and those babies are so still. I'm amazed. It must be a defensive thing. I'm also amazed that Mama Bird can even get in that nest. It looks crammed!!

Anyway, that is our fun Spring find this year. Not in our beautiful bird houses....but under our porch, perched on our mole trap.

Cool, huh?

Ending of a Good Saturday

One of the things that I love about school being out is that there isn't the push to get the kids into bed. There is liberty. But it also means that we tend to be a little more tired sometimes. Especially when we feel a need to wake up on "school time" rather than on "summer time."

Since school was out on Thursday, the kids have had a pretty busy social schedule. Thursday night was the End of the School Year party at school. After spending the whole evening partying, they were up until after 10:00 that night. Friday night, Daria had a friend sleep over and we stayed up to watch Sound of Music until after 10:30. Then Saturday, they were up on their "school schedule," off to Caden's final indoor game for this session.

We came home, ate some lunch, and went on a bike ride, played at creek for a while and came home. Apparently it was a long day. Since we had Sound of Music checked out from the library, and it had "bonus features," I chose to hide away and watch some of them while the boys crashed in the living room watching TV. I came out around dinner time to see what everyone wanted to eat. This is what I found:




Each little man was sacked out in their little space. Tim wanted me to believe that he wasn't asleep, but I don't believe him. By the time I got the camera around to him....this is what I got:

Whatever. The turkey.

I guess that is the evidence of a Saturday well spent. Can't get better than that!

School's Out!!

When I was a kid, a school year lasted an eternity. Or so it seemed. As a mother of kids, I blink and the year is gone. In a flash. I swear it was just yesterday that I was delivering them to their first days of Second grade and Fourth Grade. Yesterday, I brought them home as a Third Grader and a Fifth Grader. FIFTH GRADE!!!!! Yikes.

I love the way our school ends the year. They have what they call Stepping Stone ceremonies. It is simply handing them a stone...a note of the year accomplished that steps them up to the next level in life. The teachers do a wonderful job stating to each child of how they noticed growth develop in each child. What a wonderful way to end the year.

It was definitely a proud Mama day for sure.

It was also a bittersweet day for me as well. I couldn't help but mourn again the loss of this school year for Luke. I've had to remind myself over and over again that really we gave him the gift of time and hopefully it will be to his advantage. I know that I need to stop thinking about what should have been...but yesterday that was very hard. I hope that someday I can lay down those nigglings of regret and be completely at peace with our decision.

So now enters Summer. Summer with a Capital S. I have plans for things to be different around here. Things that will hopefully benefit my children...as well as make things easier for me. I am hoping to make memories....proactively instead of waiting for them to happen. I'm praying for a Take Action kind of Summer.

Yep...school's definitely out.

Break My Heart

Even though I have put out posts here and there, really for the last several months, I've been silent. Not really sure why....until recently.

I've lost faith in myself. And today it has hit me like a ton of bricks.

Today should have been Luke's graduation from kindergarten. I know that I shouldn't think of it like that...but I do. I had hoped that when we pulled him from kindergarten...that he would lose his identity to his class. Yet he hasn't. They still notice him....he still notices them. He still calls them his class. He has always known that he was going to finish kindergarten later....but yesterday...he just realized that his class was going to be in 1st grade while he was still in kindergarten. It broke my heart to hear his tears.

His first thought was to ask if he could catch up. At first, I told him that he couldn't...but his tears just got harder. So...I told him that if he worked hard...and never gave up....then maybe he could catch up. He seemed to eventually soak that in. I'm hoping that he really takes it to heart and next year will be different. I'm deathly afraid that next year will be just the same. And then what? I can't keep him in kindergarten forever.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've come to realize that this whole kindergarten fiasco has been the catalyst for so much other stuff in my life. And it all boils down to that loss of faith. Subconsciously, I think I've allowed this to defeat me. Failure seems to be my nemesis. I fear it...so I don't attempt it. I make excuses. I procrastinate far greater than I ever did before. I've lost face with others. I've given up on things that I love because I find that others do it better....so why try. Obligations, of any size, seem to overwhelm me.

I even have failed at being the Tooth Fairy for the last two nights. Ugh.

I'm not sure how to fix it. I know I won't be going to a shrink....even though I probably should. Since I'm starting to realize its roots....I know I'm going to be doing a lot of praying about it. Nothing is impossible with God. Even me. Last night, I started praying that God would give me my words back. I'm hoping for a change.

So...there is my dirty laundry out for all to see. It's hard to hide when its laying right there. I'm anxious to see where God goes from here. In the meantime, I'm off to help my Daria and Caden celebrate their last day of school.

Countdown begins for Luke's re-entrance to school. Lord, help us.

The Results Are In!!

I have been meaning to get on her since yesterday and share the news regarding Daria's soccer tryouts. Just a moment ago, I just had a revelation that I hadn't done that yet!! I have been so busy getting ready to head out of town to a cousin's wedding, that I totally forgot!!

Monday night, after the second round of tryouts, we received a call from the A team coach from Sherwood. DARIA MADE THE TEAM!!!! Daria was so very excited. I came home from a meeting to see her dancing in the doorway. I figured it had to be good news. She so wanted to play for this coach and that was exciting to see her excitement. Tim wanted me to wait until it was "official" before I said anything on my blog. They posted it on the website....so now it is official.

God really is good. I should have known not to fret. If God had granted us peace about not going to Newberg....I should have known that He would have good things in store for Daria. Tim was also able to have a conversation with the coach about our rule of No Sunday Morning Soccer. She said that she could work with that....and it sounded like there may not be many, if any, Sunday morning games. Yeah. That has been such a huge concern for Tim and I and we were relieved to have that discussion with her so early on.

I am so proud of my Girlie. We are excited for the year to come. Below is an action picture that Tim took this last Spring season. She's in the red. Isn't she awesome????

Tryouts

Daria's soccer tryouts started yesterday and continue this afternoon. My poor mind has just been consumed with it. It is honestly driving me nuts. I remember trying out for volleyball when I was a sophomore in high school. I don't remember being that nervous. I think it was because I knew I had a snowball's chance of making the team since they were only choosing 2 from my class.

But now....I feel like Daria has a really good chance. And then on the other hand...I feel like there is no way she'll make it through the political red tape that seems to be surrounding tryouts. I've been having a lot of conversations with God about it these last few days.

When Tim and I were wrestling with the Newberg decision last week, we came away feeling like God had directed us away from that decision. We had a great deal of peace about that. I have to keep reminding myself that being in Sherwood's tryouts was God's best for Daria. (At least in the small world of soccer!!) And yet I feel completely at the mercy now, of the coaches of Sherwood.

If I am honest, what I really want for Daria is for her to be on the "A" team in Sherwood. I want her to be validated in that regard. I know that I'm her mom and just a tad bit prejudice, but I think she is that good. It doesn't help that I don't want the Newberg coach to be able to say: "Ha...told you so. You made the wrong decision!" Oh my human heart is getting way too wrapped up in this Soccer Drama.

Last night, as I was doing my devotions, God was faithful. Isn't that just like God? The devotional that I was reading was so appropriate for my feelings. The author was talking about the difference between "getting what I wanted" and "getting what I needed." When my Moms in Touch friends were praying with me regarding our Newberg decision, we prayed that ultimately what we decided would be best for Daria's character. Maybe what Daria "needs" is not necessarily what I "want."

There is that conflict of "human wants" and "divine wants." So when my prayer jumps to praying that God would honor Daria with a spot on the "A" team, I quickly ask God to ultimately do what is best for Daria's character....what He wants for Daria. And to help me want what He wants...with no regrets.

Thankfully, Daria doesn't seem to echo my internal struggles. Ultimately, she just loves the game and wants to play and have fun. (To win, too, I'm sure!) We were both pleased to see who would be her coach if, by chance, she makes the "A" team. That was good for me to hear her thoughts on that. Neither of us were sure which coach would be the coach for the "B" team, but she seemed okay with that. And that....is an answer to last week's prayer.

Which reminds me again....God is faithful.

Soccer: The Conclusion

I have been so relieved about our decision regarding Daria's soccer, that I haven't even taken the time to blog about it here. Not that my dwindling audience cares all that much....but for future reference, it is good for me to write about the conclusion.

Last week was one difficult week. I hadn't thought about soccer so much EVER in my entire life. I thought about it in the morning. I thought about it at lunch time. I thought about it at dinner time. And all the times in between. Then, Tim would come home, we would get the kids into bed; and, we would talk soccer. Until way too late at night. Ugh. I seriously struggled with the fact that something as inconsequential as soccer was occupying so much of my time, thoughts, and sleep. It's only soccer!!

On Thursday, when I had the nerve to ask my Moms in Touch friends to pray for SOCCER, one of my very wise friends said....it isn't just soccer....its her character, too. Here I was focused on which team would be best for Daria. Would the benefits of playing in another town for another coach outweigh the frustration of commuting her there two times or so a week? In all the hubbub of the decision, I had forgotten the importance of a coach on a child's character.

Ultimately, I am very thankful that God is in control....and that He gives wisdom freely when we ask....when we seek. God is faithful.

I find myself way to wrapped up, at times, in my feelings about Daria's playing. I find myself too caught up in wanting her to be the best....or to have the best for her. I find that I often have to temper my feelings and my thoughts and make sure they line up with what God would want. It is way too easy to get caught up in "the game" that surrounds our soccer world right now. With all that, I found that I wasn't really trusting my feelings in this whole decision. Maybe that is why it consumed me as much as it did. My main prayer last week was that God would give Tim wisdom and direction in this decision. I really felt like his levelheadedness was what was really needed to make the best decision. I felt like this wasn't an emotional decision.

When that coach was wooing us over to his team, he had a lot of nice things to say about Daria. As a mom, I was just eating them up. I think Daria is a good player...and I loved hearing that someone else, who knew the came, thought so too. Who wouldn't want to play for a coach who saw her potential? Even so, at times, during the week, I just felt "off" about the decision to go there. I hesitated to say anything, because I really felt like the decision and leading needed to come from Tim.

I wish that I could adequately describe the many factors that were swirling around last week. I was feeling totally confused....one minute totally on board for a club change. The next minute I would be devastated with the thought of leaving Sherwood. All week long I was like that. Tim seemed totally on board with the switch. Daria, totally loving the things the coach had said, was totally thrilled with the idea too. I just could not grasp why I couldn't find peace with the decision.

As always, God proves that He is right on time. Never late. And rarely early....but right on time. Friday was our deadline for telling the coach our decision. Oh how I hated that deadline. Tim had spent a good deal of time trying to talk to people who knew about this other coach. For some reason, I was desperate for him to talk to someone. Friday dawned...and Tim still hadn't talked with anyone. To me, it seemed like forever, but finally he talked with some people. Crazy boy. He forced me to wait most of the day before he shared with me the information he had found.

Ugh.

I won't go into the details of what we learned. We both came to the conclusion that this wasn't the best decision for our family....or for Daria. While we were talking, it felt like we were dancing around saying that without really saying it. I didn't want to out and out say that. In my mind, I was trusting in Tim's leading for the decision. Anyway, somehow we concluded that. (We are terrible decision makers....even when it is for where we go to dinner!!!)

I cannot even begin to describe the peace that came with that decision. Tim even remarked on it the next morning. I didn't confess that that was what I felt until he confessed first!! (I was so relieved at Tim's peace. I was almost giddy.) There are still moments where I wonder, but ultimately, I have peace. Daria was a little disappointed to hear of our decision. We had to ask her to trust us that we were making the best decision for her. She begged us to change our minds for the first day....but I haven't heard anything since Sunday.

God is good.

Now my thoughts have been consumed with Sherwood's tryouts. They take place this coming Sunday morning. (Mother's Day!!) I have been praying that God would just continue to be faithful in Daria' life....even in her soccer life. I am also praying that I will feel at peace at whatever happens. Daria has been busy this week preparing herself for tryouts.

I am anxious to see what God has in mind.