Taking Back My Voice

 IN ALL THINGS GIVE THANKS Day 2.1:

The year 2020 was a stinky year.  I'm not going to revisit all the stinkiness because we all have our own stink about 2020. One thing that was good for me that year was that I started a spiritual discipline using social media platforms.  I chose to give thanks, in all things, every day until the pandemic was over.  It was only suppose to be a two week "interruption" into our lives.  Of course, the pandemic went on and on and on.  As did my daily thanks discipline.  At the moment, I don't remember the final count of continual days of thanksgiving, but I do remember that I made it to over 1000 days of giving thanks.  That was almost 3 years.  

I loved this discipline.  I'm a pessimistic person by nature.  I often like to say that I'm not being pessimistic, I'm just be realist.  Tomato.  Tomahtoe.  I loved that in the midst of every day I would find something to be thankful for.  Sometimes it was something big.  Often times something small. Yet, ultimately, always thankful.  

I can't begin to tell you the good that did for me.  

Believe it or not, though, I believe that my thankful discipline was inadvertently part of my Upheaval.  Since I posted my thankful posts on social media, my friends saw them every day.  I believe it led some certain "friends" to assume certain things about me.  Which led them to assume other things about me.  My son once told me, that assuming things makes an ass out of you and me.  ASSUME That has stuck with. me. Great way to catch myself assuming things!

All of that to say, I found myself no longer feeling safe putting anything of myself out for others to see...to misuse....to misunderstand.....whatever.  I tried a different method of social media posting....a little more private...as some friends were encouraging of my posts.  Ultimately, I just couldn't any more.  Trust broken is a hard thing to fix. 

Fast forward a couple of years to last night.  I wrote my first post in a couple of years.  I've missed writing.  I've missed my Voice.  How do I get it back?  After I hit publish, I felt God prompting me that my Blog was the place to restart my Thankful posts.  I use to write quite a bit here and I loved it.  Without a voice, though, I found that I have had nothing to post.  Oh...but...I can always find something to be thankful for.  

So here we go. I feel safe here. This is MY space.  I loved that it was ME here...in my words...my stories...my thoughts....my faith. I may never broadcast to anyone that I am writing again.  Maybe some day I will.  For now, it's just me. I'm so glad to be back to being thankful.  Putting it down somewhere "permanent."  Being disciplined.  Using my words.  Maybe in this, I will find that my Voice, my words, will come back.  

Thank you, Jesus, for the reminder of this space.  For the glimmer of passion that I feel sparking in the undercurrents of Me.  

Help me to be faithful.