Together Again

IN ALL THINGS GIVE THANKS 2.0: DAY 2

 Two and half years ago, I left the church that I had been attending for 30+ years.  A big part of my Upheaval.  When I went, it was one of the times I felt like I heard God speak so clearly.  He said Go.  I went.  

One of the most difficult parts of that Going, was that my. husband didn't Go with me.  Here I was torn between what I felt God said to me ("I'm taking you out to protect you.") and my husband saying to me (I don't want us to be apart for long.) That was a rough place to be. 

I left on my own.  Where God sent me, I felt like it was another clear moment of God speaking and directing me.  I thought that I would enjoy the church shopping I would do.  I mentally listed the things that were important to me in a church.  Then I began to search.  

I was quickly overwhelmed.  My heart was battered (had been battered for a lot of years.)  I was battle weary.  I needed a place to hide.  I needed a place to rest.  I needed a safe place to land.  

In my searching of local churches (online), I felt super-impressed to attend one in particular.  No audible words from God....just a Knowing to Go.  So I went. I spent the whole service feeling like every song, every word was spoken just for me.  I cried through the whole service.  

My church shopping didn't last long!  I've now been attending that church for two and a half years.  

In my hiding, I became very good at slipping in and out the doors without talking to anyone.  (I needed Jesus, but I wasn't so sure about His followers!) Slowly I started to put myself out there.....and I do mean slowly! It is so hard to "break in" to a new church, particularly when you're wounded.  

It took over two years for my husband to finally heed the nudge to leave our former church.  As of July, he's been attending my new church with me.  Yes, that is today's thankful post.  I am so thankful that Tim is attending church with me.  He's not phased by the mess that was our former church. He's not phased by people.  In the few months that he's been attending with me, I've met more people and have become more involved.  I'm so very thankful he is with me.  I feel safer.  I feel reconnected to him in ways that were different before.  

I wish that I could say that after two and half years away from my trauma that I was healed.  I think that will take awhile.  What it will look like, I can't say.  I know that there are certain things that I long for and pray for...like the return of my voice.  The lessening of anxieties.  The return of trust in others and in my self.  

In the meantime, I pray and I wait....but most of all Give Thanks.