Prayers and Petitions

Right now I have two personal requests that I am praying for. One is purely selfish and of no real consequence. In fact, if God honored my request I would be downright surprised. I certainly don't need the request to be filled....but it would sure be fun. The second request is a little more "necessary" and could have some serious impact. I am struggling with praying for these requests. I find myself stopping and starting, hem-hawing all over the place not sure how to proceed. Even sort of making excuses for asking. Then...finally....just being silent. I know....doesn't make much sense at all.

Do you find it difficult to pray for things for yourself? I do. I love my time of prayer with Moms In Touch. I love to pray for my children. I enjoy praying for others and that seems to be where my main focus is. I find little struggle at all in praying for other people. But, to pray for myself? I find it extremely difficult.....and awkward. Sometimes, I even think that I lack faith. I doubt. Plain and simple.

Doubt? That doesn't seem right. It isn't right. Scripture gets pretty rough about doubting. Take James 1:6-8: "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." Ouch. I always know that I was unstable....but in all I do? Ouch. And Matthew 21:21-22: "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Why is it so hard for me to ask for personal requests? Why do I doubt that God will answer them? I really don't have answer to those questions myself. I guess that is why I find myself writing this whole mess out. I had a thought just now...that maybe if I don't ask for those things, then I am not disappointed if God chooses not to honor my requests. To ask seems to build up hope. Who wants to have those hopes dashed? Proverbs 13:12: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (emphasis mine)

I find myself, then, praying in general terms. Praying that God's will would be done. Nothing wrong with that. Thus, I find myself, in essence, really asking God for nothing at all. How does one truly ask for these requests, in full peace, that we are asking with proper status of heart? How does one ask without that underlying thought that you will be disappointed thus, feeling like you're protecting oneself? How do we truly ask God for anything? Who am I that I ask anything of God?

I don't know. Makes me feel sort of like a hypocrite.

Thankful Thursday

If the only prayer you say in your life is Thank You, that would suffice.
~Meister Eckhart

I seem to be at a loss for words today. Not that I am not thankful. I just don't know how to start. I love the quote above. I saw it on the Mutts comic strip this past Sunday. I was going to post a link to it....but it isn't available online yet. It kind of gets me to thinking. The words "Thank you" can really mean a whole bunch of things, can't it? There is so much that could be packed into those 2 simple words. They definitely have the ability to pack a powerful punch.

Today I am thankful for:

• people in my life who help me to carry my load. For Patty, who watches Luke so I can volunteer at school. For Nancy, who watches our kids while we pray at Moms In Touch. For my kids' Sunday school teachers, who help to teach my kids' about the love God has for them. For people who take the time to drop me an encouraging word. What would I do without them all?

• Technology that makes it easier to carry my load. For washing machines that wash my clothes. For dishwashers that clean my dishes. For the internet, that puts me in contact with family and friends at the touch of a button. For ovens and stoves, that cooks my food. For a good, well-running van to carry us to and fro. And for TVs that allow a Mom a few moments of quiet.
  

• A nation that allows me the freedom to worship my God when I want. The freedom to pray when and where I want. A freedom to be who we were called to be in Christ Jesus.
  

Have you been thankful today?

Redemption

I'm tired. Today was my very long day. For the most part, I don't mind being busy. In my heart, though, I like to be at home. Today...I was dashing.....and it wasn't in a one-horse open sleigh. (sounds fun, though) This morning, we left the house around 7:45. Dropped kids off at school. Drove to Community Bible Study. Home for a quick bite of lunch. Drop Luke off at sitters. Work at school for 2 hours. Home for a brief break for snack and prep for soccer practice. Dash to soccer practice. (Thankfully it is indoors!!!!)

I don't know how working moms manage to do it all. To work all day and then come home when your tired to do homework, extracurricular activities, cook dinner, laundry, clean house, etc....etc...etc. I'm exhausted just typing that all out!! I am thankful that I am able to be home with my kids. To be able to volunteer in their schools. To keep my house (relatively) clean. I just don't think that I was ever cut out to be a SuperMom.

As I was dashing around trying to locate Daria's soccer gear, I began to think about dinner. I knew I didn't have time to prepare anything before we dashed out the door. We wouldn't have time to eat it even if I could get it prepared. I knew that it would be after 6:00 before we got home....and it would probably be close to 7:00 before we could eat it. Ugh. That just sounded miserable.

I emailed Tim my dilemma....hoping for a rescue. Did my man pull through? You betcha!! On Wednesday nights, the Newberg KFC offers a great deal on their LapTop meals. For under $2, you can get 2 chicken strips, a biscuit, one side, Teddy Grahams, and a drink. Not bad. So, my sweet hubby picked those up for dinner. My kids thought that was pretty stinkin' cool. Me, too.

Tasted so good, too. Love a meal I don't have to cook or clean up after. Guess now with all my "free" time, I better make lunches for tomorrow. Set out clothes for school. Prep for Moms In Touch. Do some PAC work. Probably should help get the kids in bed, too. Then, maybe I can finally relax.

Tim likes to tease that all I do all day is lay around, watching TV, eating bon bons.

Whatever.

Habits

Habits can be a good thing....or a bad thing. I have several that fall in both categories. I am currently in the habit of waking up early every morning, exercising, and then spending some time with my devotions. I then take my shower and get the kids up. I do everything in the same order....and essentially at the same time each day. My mom use to tell me that she could set her clock by what I was doing in the morning. Routines....or habits...can be a very good thing.

I also have the habit of spending time on the computer. I really enjoy being on the computer for the first hour or so after I drop the kids off from school. I also like to peek at the computer at lunch time. It can be so addicting....especially when I am feeling a little lonely.

My kids have habits, too. Daria takes a bath every morning.....while she watches TV before school. The first thing that Caden does when he gets home from school is to jump out of the van and run straight up to my room. He turns on the TV, dives under the covers, and pulls out his leftover snacks from school. If I am not quick enough with their after-school snacks....yikes....it ain't pretty. Luke has the lovely habit of running around the house naked. His dad tries to get him to at least wear underwear. I keep hoping that this habit will fade away as the cold sets in. The last couple of days, his stints of nakedness have been a little shorter lived than previously. He says he likes the cold. Whatever.

Right now, I am struggling with the ugly habits that are mulling around our household. Daria and Caden are developing the lovely habit of picking on each other. It has been pretty ugly in here the last couple of days. When I asked Daria why she just couldn't be nice to her brothers, her response was: "Well...you haven't taught us!" Oh my....I was really seeing red then. It seems like we have been talking non-stop about it. Not sure what else to do. Drives me batty.

Once again, here I have typed for a while, and I really feel like I have no purpose to my writing. I get so frustrated sometimes with the way things are. It is so easy to fall in to the habit of responding a certain way. Even when we are confronted with the not-so-niceness of it, we have a hard time walking away from it. If anyone wants to claim themselves strong, I bet I can find a habit that shows how weak they really are.

As for my house, we need a lot of grace tonight...this week....this month. We just haven't been very pretty to one another. We need that grace to create new habits....new ways of loving each other. Family is those we are most comfortable with....where we receive the most love and acceptance. Family is also the ones that we abuse the most. Why is that?

My final thought right now.....how long until bed time?

Sisters

I'm a day late and a dollar short today. Yesterday, my sister had her birthday. We celebrated it together as a family on Saturday night. I guess I should have done my post then. I didn't get my post written yesterday because we spent a majority of the day on the road coming home. Then my family was in complete melt-down mode after that. I just didn't have the get-up-and-go to get it done. So, even though I am a day late....I can still take a few minutes and honor my sister as she makes another step closer to turning 40.

To start off, Tresa has been my sister all my life. Yep, she's the older one. I would show you a picture of the two of us so that you could compare....but I didn't find one on our computer that was flattering to either one of us. Not sure what that means. I really like the fact that she is the older one. For whatever reason, as she passes those milestones of life, I struggle right along with her. Then, when it is my own turn to pass those milestones....it's not such a big deal. It can be a good thing to be an observer and learn from other's mistakes. Personally, I think that has annoyed her at times.

I didn't always appreciate the fact that I had an older sister. In fact, at times, I found it downright frustrating. She was always such a know-it-all. I always hated being told what to do by her....I even have a scar to prove how much I hated that. (Long story....all my fault!) It seems like her friends never found me very exciting either. We also fought more times than we really needed to. Thankfully that hasn't left a lasting impression upon our relationship. I think that she has forgiven me for the time that I grabbed chunks of meat out of her cheeks. And, I think I have forgiven her for cutting off my pony tail. Eh...what are sisters for, anyway.

I think that I mentioned it on Thanksgiving, but I really am thankful for my sister. She was, and is, my best friend. I know that I didn't always treat her very nicely....and vice versa. But, when push came to shove, we were always there for each other. I remember when she left for college, I was a mess. What do you do when the sister that has always been there suddenly isn't there any more? We had our moments of separation before. I eventually got over the fact that she wanted a room of her own. I also forgave her for hanging out with members of the opposite sex. It took me a while to see what good those guys were anyway. I've come to peace with the fact that she eventually married one of them and moved far away for good.

I'm not sure that I would have said this 30 years ago, (yikes, did I just type that????) but my sister turned out to be one cool lady. She really has a heart of compassion for others. She is married to a preacher boy, and she really is a wonderful help-meet for him. She serves him, her family, and her church very well. I know that I could not make that good of a pastor's wife. I'm sure they would have fired both of us!! I have enjoyed watching how the Lord has molded her into the beautiful woman of God that He designed her to be. He did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. I'm sure that I am not prejudice at all.

Well, I could fill many pages with all kinds of antics and stories about my sister....and me, too. Yet, to protect our dignity I will leave it at that. Just know that we have had a good time together as sisters.

Happy Birthday, Lou. I enjoyed celebrating your birthday with you. You are an awesome daughter, sister, wife and mother. You set an awesome example to me...as well as your children and the people you meet. Thanks for putting up with me and loving me in spite of all my ugliness. You are the greatest.

Love you!!

A Whole New World

Well, my Thanksgiving weekend is quickly coming to an end. The kids are down for bed after a long weekend of playing hard with cousins and staying up way past their bed time. I imagine this will come back to bite me come Monday morning when I wake them up for school.

My mom, sister, and I were doing a puzzle this afternoon. After spending a couple of hours bending over looking at it, my neck and back began to give me a little grief. I needed a change of scenery. So after checking my email and checking on my cybersisters, I sat here eating way too much spinach dip and trying to decide if I should blog tonight. I had half decided that if someone in my family suggested a topic, I would see if I could post about it. So, Dad made a suggestion and I thought I could pull something out of it.

It can be difficult to find a family activity that suits all the necessary requirements. First of all, it needs to be entertaining....to at least a fair majority of the people. Second....it needs to stay within a fairly reasonable budget. That can be so difficult. Anything for 11 people ends up being a little bit costly. We discussed going to the Boise Zoo....in close to freezing temperatures. We discussed bowling....but that can easily add up the dollars. Also time allotments and possible lane availability quickly shot that one down. We also considered going to the Bee Movie....but decided that was kind of an anti-social thing to do. The winning solution....a trip to Cabela's!!

Okay....that was a whole new experience for me. Wow. Let me just say that again....Wow. Every outdoor item, or items even remotely related to the outdoors can be found under the roof of this one store. I have no idea how much square foot that falls under...but wow. If I had thought about it too much, I would have been a little creeped out about all the stuffed animals. I had a laugh over their sign saying something about the display honoring the Nature world...and those who honor it will be less likely to abuse it. Okay.

For me, who at this time of the year, loves any article of clothing related to warmth...I was in heaven. I think I left a trail of drool all around the Women's Clothing section. Too bad my husband isn't made of money....I'd have spent a fortune. Right now, I am a little stuck on fleece items....but I saw a lot of other articles of clothing that I could have easily been persuaded to personally test out their warmth factor.

We also enjoyed a little detour into the "General Store." Here is where they hand out a little taste of fudge to anyone who asks. Yum. That was so hard to decide upon. I was a little disappointed that I didn't make it to the camping area...I love to see all the "new" ideas in the Camping World. I didn't even bother with the Hunting department...I couldn't see it anyways through all the camoflauge.

The highlight of the trip was the aquarium. Wow. They had some huge rainbow trout in their tanks. I can't even begin to describe how mongo the catfish were. Oh my. I did feel a little sorry for these big ol' fish being held captive for the rest of their days in these relatively tiny tanks. I guess tiny, in this case, is all relative. They were fairly large tanks...but not for this big ol' fish.

While, we were there it was feeding time for the trout tank. Talk about a feeding frenzy. We heard the announcement over the intercom that feeding was going to begin. So we slowly meandered over there. We could tell things were getting a little heated as we could see them throwing in some fish pellets. They were just going crazy. The real fun began when they started throwing in the worms. I kind of felt sorry for the littler fish because the big ones were clearly displaying the manner in which they became so big. Those worms would no sooner hit the water than.....POW....the were snarked up by these carnivorous fish. I totally feel like my childhood fear of fish nibbling on my toes was totally justified. I can guarantee that those fish would not last a second in the Wild on Fishing Derby day.

So, as I watched those poor worms hit their demise, I thought that the Feeding Frenzy Fun had tripped the Light Fantastic. Oh no....not even close. To my surprise, they began tossing Nemo to the ravenous seagulls. No...it wasn't actually Nemo....but they were these poor helpless goldfish. I don't think that I have ever seen goldfish swim as fast as those babies did. To no avail......just as soon as they hit the water. SNARK!! They were goners. Every once in a while, we would watch as a few of the goldfish managed to survive for a short amount of time. They were amazingly smart, at times, in finding hiding places where they could survive for a while longer. How they did that, I will never know. It wasn't like they had spent their lifetime preparing themselves for the ultimate game of Survivor. Did their handlers give them a "dry run" in their Tank o' Doom? I'll never forget this one fish who was a mite smaller than the giants of the tank. Right there in front of us we watched as he tried to swallow this poor goldfish that was just about as round as his poor mouth. He just about lost his lunch to the Big Daddy Pirate trout of the tank.

So...we had an adventure today at the whole new world of Cabela's. Quite a bit of fun for all us...from the kids all the way up to the grandparents. Much to my husbands delight, it was a cheap adventure. I didn't buy a thing.

Can you hear is sigh of relief from there???

Pleasant Surprise

Today I did something that 5 years ago, I would never, in a million years have done. There is stories all over about wackos who prey and prowl the internet for naive people. Today, I met a friend that I met over the internet. Hmmmm....my mom was a little leary, but I was confident of the friend she had become.

A couple of years ago, when I was drowning in the world of Motherhood, I signed up to participate in a website dedicated to Christian stay at home moms. I was a little nervous about it. It is hard enough for me to put myself out there in the real world....much less in the unknown world of the internet. But, I was lonely.....I needed some connection to the outside world. I love my children desperately....but I needed to relate to other ladies who were in my similar situation.

What a blessing these sisters have been in my life. Until today, I have never met any of them face to face. We are spread out over the entire United States. I have met people that never, in any other way, would I have met them. How precious they have become to me. There have been times that they have walked beside me in difficult times with friends and family. They have rejoiced with me in little victories such as potty training. If there is something I am struggling with, there is likely that at least one of them has felt that same way. How refreshing it is to find that in such an unconventional way.

Today, as I visited with Kim, it was refreshing to find that not having to see someone face to face does not keep you from being friends. We talked and visited as if we had known each other for years....which in essence we have. In a way, I find that it is a miracle that through the "magic" of the internet, we have become sisters in heart. I found myself at times, because I hadn't met her face to face, surprised that I knew things about her. Then, I would laugh at myself and realize that we had "met" before, we just hadn't been in the same room before.

Just now, as I typed that sentence above, I had a thought about heaven. Won't heaven be like that for us? We have all "met" Jesus face to face in our hearts. We know Him because we have talked with Him and met with Him. We know Him intimately and He knows us better than we know ourselves. I find it utterly amazing that when we cross over the gates of Heaven....we will know Him. It will be just as if we had seen Him all our life. When I walked into the coffee shop this morning, I knew it was Kim as soon as I saw her. Granted, I had seen pictures of her before....but it is so different when you see them face to face. I just knew it was her...just as she knew it was me. What fun!!

So, here is the lesson for me today. Me...the timid and scared one. Be bold, friend, and put yourself out there. You may never know where you will find friends....blessings, really. You may just find a pleasant surprise waiting......just for you.