Prayers and Petitions

Right now I have two personal requests that I am praying for. One is purely selfish and of no real consequence. In fact, if God honored my request I would be downright surprised. I certainly don't need the request to be filled....but it would sure be fun. The second request is a little more "necessary" and could have some serious impact. I am struggling with praying for these requests. I find myself stopping and starting, hem-hawing all over the place not sure how to proceed. Even sort of making excuses for asking. Then...finally....just being silent. I know....doesn't make much sense at all.

Do you find it difficult to pray for things for yourself? I do. I love my time of prayer with Moms In Touch. I love to pray for my children. I enjoy praying for others and that seems to be where my main focus is. I find little struggle at all in praying for other people. But, to pray for myself? I find it extremely difficult.....and awkward. Sometimes, I even think that I lack faith. I doubt. Plain and simple.

Doubt? That doesn't seem right. It isn't right. Scripture gets pretty rough about doubting. Take James 1:6-8: "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." Ouch. I always know that I was unstable....but in all I do? Ouch. And Matthew 21:21-22: "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Why is it so hard for me to ask for personal requests? Why do I doubt that God will answer them? I really don't have answer to those questions myself. I guess that is why I find myself writing this whole mess out. I had a thought just now...that maybe if I don't ask for those things, then I am not disappointed if God chooses not to honor my requests. To ask seems to build up hope. Who wants to have those hopes dashed? Proverbs 13:12: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (emphasis mine)

I find myself, then, praying in general terms. Praying that God's will would be done. Nothing wrong with that. Thus, I find myself, in essence, really asking God for nothing at all. How does one truly ask for these requests, in full peace, that we are asking with proper status of heart? How does one ask without that underlying thought that you will be disappointed thus, feeling like you're protecting oneself? How do we truly ask God for anything? Who am I that I ask anything of God?

I don't know. Makes me feel sort of like a hypocrite.