Recipe for Frustration

I am tired. Physically tired. This has been a week full of nasty mornings. Dragging myself out of bed each morning has been a chore. A Chore with a Capital C! Even as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, I am dreaming of when I can crawl back in again. Those are nasty mornings.

To top it off, right now I feel like I might be on the verge of a nasty cold. I long to crawl into my bed where it is warm and cozy. The only thing is, Luke decided he couldn't sleep in his bed, so he asked to sleep in mine. I'll move him as soon as I know for sure he is asleep. I chose not fight him on it because I just wasn't up for the battle. Minor on the minors.

The next best thing to crawling into bed is to snuggle on the couch with a good book and soak in the peace and quiet. As soon as I settled myself in I find that Tim has fallen into an old time habit of falling asleep on the couch. Normally that is not bother to me. Tonight.....he is snoring to beat the band.

Gratin' on my nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard.

So, I'm tired. I'm cold. I feel less than stellar. And all my creature comforts have been compromised.

Aaaarrrggghhh!

Thankful Thursday

To put it simply....

Today I am thankful for Hope.

Quote of the Week

This quote just POPped at me this week. Spoke volumes to me about a lot of things.

A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.

Daria's List

Since Daria inspired my previous post about my 25 random things. I decided that it would be fun to post her Alphabet Descriptive words that she came up for herself. I found it to be insightful....and slightly amusing.

Artistic

Beautiful

Colorful

Daring

Elegant

Fancy

Giggly

Hilarious

Impossible (yup.)

Jumpy

Kind

Liking other people.

Magnificent

Nice

Obnoctis (I believe that she meant obnoxious. Yup.)

Pretty

Quick

Ridiculous

Silly

Tender

Unbelievable (yup.)

Violent (yup. Seen it in soccer...and with her brothers!!)

Weird

X-ray. (not sure what she meant here. I think it was the only word she could think of that started with x!)

Young

Zig-zagger.

That's my girl. I'm so proud of her.

Two for the Price of One: 25 Random Things

There is a rage going around Facebook: post 25 Random Things about Yourself. After being tagged like a kazillion times, I posted it on my profile. Not to waste a somewhat decent idea, I decided I would post the same 25 things on my blog.

Daria, this weekend, made a list of words that described her. She came up with a word for each letter of the alphabet. So, in keeping with her idea, I came up with a random thing with each letter. I am changing U....because I didn't understand how to tag other people on Facebook...and that is what I said. Anyway.....



Am an avid reader. I go nuts if I don't have a book to read.

Being a stay at home mom is a blessing. I'm not sure I could do it all if I worked too.

Cleaning is one of my least favorite chores. It feels like such a waste of time because no one appreciates it and it needs done again tomorrow.

Don't know how to play the guitar. I want to desperately......

Every morning is difficult to face. I hate mornings. Once I'm up, I'm okay....but I sure don't like getting there.

Friends are so valuable. Wish I were a better one.

Going to Hawaii....or Israel....would be a dream come true.

Hearing my son sing songs during church makes my heart soar.

I think my husband is pretty amazing....most of the time. :-) He is definitely a man to be admired.

Jesus means everything to me.

Keeping myself organized is a constant battle. I have often wished that I was gifted with that ability.

Love watching my daughter play soccer. I think she is totally amazing and it blows me away.

Miss living in North Idaho.

Never really liked Ritz crackers. Tim thinks I'm weird.

Obnoxious people intimidate me. When I'm honest...it doesn't take a lot to intimidate me. I'm such a pansy.

Procrastination is one of my best gifts. I use it regularly.

Quietness is something that I crave on a regular basis.

Raging tantrums drive me nuts. Especially when they come from me.

Sucker for sappy movies and books. A good love story will get me every time.

Thank my God regularly for my home, my family, my friends. I feel blessed.

Understanding my children is a desire I have. I pray often for wisdom.

Very happy with the charter school that my kids attend. I love the teachers, the director, the kids....and their mothers. Another blessing.....

When the day is over and the kids are in bed.....that is my favotire time of the day.

eXcellent bakery products are one of my weaknesses. I'm such a sucker for homemade bread, cinnamon rolls, maple bars.....better stop now. Drool....

You can often find me soaking in a hot bath at the end of long day. Paired with a good book and a cold drink....I'm almost in heaven!!

And just to finish off the alphabet and a bonus Random Thing.....

Zipping around here in there for my kids' activities was something I had failed to anticipate in motherhood.....and I'm learning to cope with it...as well as enjoy it. It is fun to see my kids try things, have fun, and succeed.

Thankful Thursday

Another week has come and gone. I can hardly believe that we are on the last half of the month of January. That means Daria's birthday is looming around the corner....and I need to get busy planning! Crazy how time flies.

This week, I am thankful for:

• The Sunshine. It has been so beautiful this last week. So beautiful, in fact, that I haven't minded so much the overcast skies today. I may not be able to say that next week....but for now, I'm doing okay. (Could also be the fact that I am sitting in front of my Happylite!)

• For technology that helps me feel connected with the rest of the world. It is an amazing thing!! Fun, too.
  

• For friends. What a blessing to have a touch from God by someone with skin on!!

• For finding a devotional that seems to be written just for me.
  

Hope that everyone is having a Thankful day!

Random Missed Haps

Life never stops. Funny things happen all the time. They don't always seem to be Blog Post Worthy....but, I thought it would be fun to throw a few random happenings all together in one post.

• Today, Luke was walking through the kitchen with his head tilted up, walking very careful. I asked him what he was doing. His answer: "I'm trying to balance my hair." Why? I asked. "I'm trying to keep it from moving. Is it working?" Crack. Me. Up.
  

• I'm totally addicted to Facebook right now. I find myself camped on that page waiting for some friend to post their happenings for the day. Its fun to be connected with people that live far away....and it totally tantalizes my need for human adult contact. Now if I could just get the rest of my friends to become addicted too......

• Daria's going to be playing soccer with a new team. I've been a little hesitant to join this coach because he seems to be a little abrasive. Daria subbed on his team during Christmas break in a tournament. I watched him like a hawk...and I thought he kept his cool pretty good. So, a couple of weeks ago, when she was asked to play on his team for a Spring outdoor PDP team, Tim and I agreed. This last week, she subbed on his team again. I was extremely disappointed to see his temper showing through. Guess I need to be praying about this upcoming season. As Tim says, it is for a short time.....

• I was cleaning my house on Monday. It was plain ol' time. Things were getting really sad. Weekends seem to make it worse....and I was feeling a need for a clean living space. Daria asked me if we had company coming over. No. Why? Well...you are cleaning everything like someone was coming over. (Flashback Alert: Seems like I remember similar conversations with my own mom....) I told her no one was coming over...but isn't it a lot more fun to live in a clean house than a dirty house? Hmmm....I guess you're right. The thing that struck me about this conversation was that no one ever notices when the house needs cleaned or picked up unless I mention it. Not even Tim notices. How can they not notice???? Or care??? Drives. Me. Batty.

• Luke has come out of his bed FIVE times already tonight. Becoming way too much of a habit lately. May need to pull out the duct tape....or the Swirlie card.

I enjoyed this post. I may have to make it a regular posted feature.

SUNSHINE!!!

This past week has been so unusual for Oregon winter weather. It has been sunny. Oh I just love it!! It is a little deceiving though as you expect it to be a bit warmer than it is....BUT...I AM NOT COMPLAINING. The sunshine is beautiful. I wish we could see it every day and I will probably cry when the clouds come back and I must solely rely on my Happylite to feed my need for SUN.

In the mean time....we took full advantage of the sunshine on Sunday afternoon. We spent a good couple of hours out there playing soccer. Tim and I....and Luke, I guess....against Daria, Caden, Wyatt, and Tayte. (friends) Needless to say, I have been sore the last couple of days. BUT....I think that Tim and I won. I quit counting because Caden was pouting. Either which way, we had a lot of fun and that is all that matters.

When I look at these pictures...with my kids in t-shirts and shorts....I can't believe that a month ago, we were buried in layers of clothing and 18 inches of snow!

Getting twirled by Dad. Makes me sick just to watch!

Ball Tag! Luke's favorite!!


Wrestling in soccer???? Isn't that a foul??? AND....Hand ball!

Luke is always posing for a picture. He's just too darn cute!


If you click on the picture to get a better look....you'll see that everyone has a smile. I call that success!

Catching-up Christmas

I know I am about a week late in posting today's topic. It seems like life gets away from me way to quickly these days. I'm trying to be more focused. We'll see how that goes! Ha!

A week and a half ago, my family did a Quickie Christmas. Being a family of "Busies," we did a shot gun appearance together in Pendleton, Oregon. Why Pendleton, Oregon you ask? Pendleton is roughly the half way point between Portland, Oregon.....Boise, Idaho....and Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. It was fun to be together...though it was very quick...to finally, (in my opinion) have Christmas.

I must admit it felt a little strange to do Christmas in a hotel room. But, as I thought about the oddity of it all, I couldn't help but thinking that this would definitely be one of those Christmas memories for the book. None of us will probably ever forget this Christmas. So, here is some pictures of our Christmas to Remember.....




Here is Kyle getting a taste of Uncle Tim's Duct Tape Torture. Hopefully the prize inside was worth the struggle to get at it!!

Speaking of Uncle Tim and Duct Tape. He has quite the reputation with the stuff. My sister kindly reloaded his "stash." I think he is now all set for next Christmas.......

Not even sure what to say about this one. It just reminds me of another picture.....

Mom even strung up Christmas lights in our hotel room. Ambiance, you know.

The next morning, we even did Christmas stockings!! (We had to have the full experience!)

We all arrived Friday evening in Pendleton.....and left Saturday after lunch. But before we left town....we played a few rounds of Caden's favorite game. Uno Attack.

I love this last picture because Kyle's face is so expressive. He wasn't always at the most favorable end of the Uno Attack's attack!! The other picture I should have posted has my mother cackling hilariously. I don't think Kyle found it as humorous as Grammy!!

It was a quick weekend....but full of blessings. I'm currently sitting in front of my Happylite that my parents gave me. I think of them every time I sit in front of it. My sweet Tim and my kids thank them.

It fits.

It is always interesting for me to find someone who puts my thoughts into words. In the book that I'm reading, a paragraph just jumped out at me that describes the battle in my heart. Some how to see that someone understands, proves that we are really never alone. That our battles are rarely unique.

I've never been a fearful man. That does not mean I've never known fear; God knows that I have. There's no S pinned on my chest. I just mean it's not something that stays with me all day perched atop my shoulder and whispering in my ear. In the months after Maggie woke up, I wrestled--even battled--with a long litany of what ifs that scared me. But her waking every morning had put that whisper to rest.

But the moment I leaned in and listened, tasting the trickle of hope and wondering at the unfathomable enormity once again, the whisper echoed. It smelled like the air behind a trash truck, the soil in Pinky's stall, or the floor of the delivery room. Its breath alone could gag a maggot.

Where as hope had returned only after I'd cornered him in the barn and extended an invitation, what if reached up out of the floorboards, threw his bags on the couch and made himself at home without so much as a peep. And unlike hope, who was tidy and neat, what if was a slob, seldom cleaning up after himself, and made it his point to throw remnants of his life in every nook and cranny of the house. Polar opposites, hope never raised his voice, while what if never lowered his. Not compatible roommates, they charged the air with a tension that even Blue picked up on.

~~Charles Martin, Maggie

Captive Thoughts

I love how God's timing is perfect. He always knows exactly what we need right when we need it. He was faithful that way this morning for my devotions.

It seems as soon as I posted my encouraged thoughts about Luke and our "schooling" business, Satan got down and got dirty, messing with my confidence. I believe that I posted about our successes on Wednesday. On Thursday, our "school" didn't go so great. I saw Luke shutting down like he was doing during real school.

I was so discouraged. I didn't know what to say. Or what to do. I just sat there looking at the book. I wanted to cry. I was so hoping that we could just continue on in that honeymoon phase. Luke would learn his letters and numbers and we would have VICTORY over this mess. I guess that I was smacked down to reality. Reminded that our goal is not to "win the universe," but to just take it one milestone at a time.

Yet, Satan had gained, or rather regained, a foothold on Thursday. There was a small part of me that just wanted to throw in the towel. I could feel the weight of the discouragement of the last few months coming back. I began to believe again that my son would never learn....that the consequences of my words would have victory.

Today, in my devotions, I read 2 Corinthians 10:5: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." There have been a lot of arguments that have set itself against God's word. My promise for Luke has been: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10. These thoughts that my son...or rather I...would fail stands against God's knowledge. I have been claiming 2 Corinthians 10:5 as my mantra for my time with Luke

I was nervous about "school" today. Sure enough, Luke was resistant about it. He wouldn't even give an attempt at naming the letters we worked on last week. Even as he worked through that, and I attempted some new thoughts to end on, he ran to his room and hid. He said he wasn't going to do it. I started to panic....but decided that I was going to demolish that argument and make my thoughts obedient to Christ.

Today has stepped up my prayers for my son. I find that I am having to lay him at the feet of Jesus at every thought. God knows my son. Luke is God's workmanship. Things will come in God's timing and in His ways. Not mine. Maybe this time of Luke's "homeschooling" is as much for me...as for him.

Maybe God continue to equip Luke and I for this time together.

Counting My Blessings

Right off the bat I just have to say that I am so thankful that today is Thursday. I love that my kids have a four-day week. It has been rough this week getting back into the routine of school. This getting up early business is just not what I love. It's hard!!

This week I am thankful for:

• School being back in session!! It was a long 3 week vacation with snow and ice storms that kept us land locked at home. We did enjoy playing in the snow. But that only last for so long. Then we all got a little stir crazy. School is good.
  

• That "school at home" is going relatively well for Luke and I. We kind of had a not-so-good session today....but I am determined to remain hopeful.

• That after nearly a month away, we had Moms in Touch today. It was so good to be back with my praying friends. They bless me.
  

• That my Idaho family gets to "do" our Christmas this weekend. We are all going on a road trip and gonna get done what the snow and ice storms kept us from doing. The kids and I are very excited. It's hard to tell with Tim. (ha, ha!)

• That I was able to buy our family Christmas present today. We missed out on it before Christmas....and found it today!! Yeah. I can hardly wait.
  

It has been a good week. God has been faithful. As always. What more is there to say?

The Last Couple of Days

I feel like I have been given a gift these last couple of days. Of course, I spent the last couple of weeks fretting about these days. In spite of all that, I have been given a gift.

Monday was Luke and I's first day "doing school" here at home. Not that we are doing a whole lot, but we are working on our letters and numbers so that next year he will be confident and prepared. The first day, even though he was a little excited about doing school at home, we had a few "resistant moments." Amazingly, he seemed to settle into it and enjoy the process.

The next day, he came and asked me if we could do school. You bet!! He really seemed excited about it. He seemed to be recalling the stuff that we studied the day before. I was so excited to see the progress that we were making. Not that we are going at the speed of light or anything....but I truly believe that I am seeing signs of him allowing himself to learn. And he seems excited about it!!

Yesterday afternoon, Luke and I met some friends at this cool place to play. It is like an indoor playground kind of concept. Luke had a blast!! He's been asking to go back from the moment that we stepped out their doors. He was running back and forth and was in perpetual motion for the whole time. He was in little boy heaven.

While I watched him play, I really just felt so blessed. As I had fretted over the decision to take him out of kindergarten, I found myself focused on the "problem." All I could see was the "problem." As I looked at the situation yesterday, I realized how much joy that that "problem" had stolen from me. I thought about our days of "school," and the progress that I was seeing....and I felt blessed. I thought of the times of just being with my son, and I felt blessed.

Then near the end of the time at the play area, I watched my son be so incredibly mature. This place had these great little scooters and a wonderful little area for them to ride on. Luke loved them. He spent most of his time just cruising around on those. He would push himself to a high speed, lean back holding onto the steering wheel, and just lay his head back in blissful, wild abandon. He was so fun to watch. At one point, he bumped scooters with a little girl when he was being blissful. He was so kind as he spoke with her and made sure she was okay. (The girl's mother wasn't so happy with him....I am hoping that she just saw the bump and didn't see his care of her daughter!) I, on the other hand, was so proud of my son. He was so thoughtful and aware of her feelings. I watched one other time as he saw another kid tip his scooter and Luke stopped to make sure he was okay. That's my boy!!

I can't tell you what that did for my heart. As I have focused on Luke's "problem," I got a little distracted on who my boy really is. I began to see him as a problem instead of him just not being ready to learn. I had forgotten what a little gem my little man really is. Learning his ABCs and his numbers will come with time. I'm learning not to fret about that. BUT the character that I have been trying to encourage in him is developing, and revealing itself NOW. The heart issues are what matter most.....those things of eternal value.

As I thought about that yesterday and today, I felt like God was confirming some things I had been thinking about. I don't believe that my son has a problem. I believe he just isn't ready. I also believe that some of Luke's "problem" was some of my misspoken words; and I have apologized to him for saying them. I also believe that God is beginning the redemption process.

God is good.

I've Created a Monster.

Like most kids, my kids do not like to share. What's theirs is theirs...and what the other one has is theirs, too. You get the point.

For stocking stuffers, I have taken to purchasing the kids their own tube of fun toothpaste. They think it is cool because its special. I think it is cool because they get clean teeth. We both come out winners. This is where the Sharing part of life comes in. Did I say already that they don't like to share?

Just before Christmas, "Luke's toothpaste" ran out. So, he started using "Caden's." That wasn't such a big deal since it was just, in their minds, "regular" toothpaste. Christmas comes and they each got a new tube of toothpaste in their stocking. For a couple of days, Luke was fascinated enough in his "own toothpaste" that he left Caden's alone. I haven't really been paying that close attention to who was using which flavor of toothpaste....but apparently Luke has reverted back to using "Caden's toothpaste."

Oh the drama.

While he was suppose to be getting ready for bed last night, Caden was busy writing a note. That is a little bit annoying because he is suppose to be getting ready for bed. Other than that, I didn't think much about it. Until......I was turning off the light in the bathroom after the kids were in bed. There on the counter was "Luke's toothpaste" and Caden's note. Here is what the note said:

Try something else for a change. Like The Batman toothpast.

Not like Luke can read or anything. I guess he was just making a point. To someone. I guess. So, I've created this territorial monster in the realm of toothpaste. Who'd of thunk it?

I certainly hadn't.

The Big Let Down.

I've been avoiding my blog again. Not the best of things, I guess. Partly, I haven't been feeling the greatest. I have half wondered if I have a minor sinus infection. If it is....it isn't a classic case of it...because it doesn't fit what I read on the internet. If it isn't an infection.....I think something is going on. Makes me feel a little less than ideal.

The second thing is that I just feel let down. I feel robbed. Cheated. Like I want a Do-Over. Our Big Arctic Blast that we had the week of Christmas was exciting in and of itself. But, what I feel it stole from me stinks. Christmas, in the manner I would have liked to celebrate it, was ripped out of my hands. All Christmas activities got canceled. The snow kept me from shopping and truly fulfilling what I would have liked to have done for gifts. I didn't get to be with my family. (Now I am going to get a little more selfish.....) I didn't get any Christmas presents. And all the Make-Ups and Redos just don't seem to be getting the job done.

We went and had lunch with Tim's family today. That was enjoyable. My mother in law still has her home decorated for Christmas....though the tree is down. My tree has been down for a week and that seems like forever ago. So, with my house de-Christmased, the snow completely gone, and the gray skies settled in with lots of rain and flooding, it is almost like Christmas just didn't happen this year. If I couldn't look up at the calendar that says January 2009, I could almost convince myself that the Holiday season had never been here.

I know that I sort of sound like I am throwing a little pity party here. I'm not meaning to. (I did that the day after Christmas. Thank You Very Much.) It is just the weird feeling that I have this year. I literally feel like I've been living in some sort of altered universe where things are as they should be....or maybe they aren't. See? I can't even explain the feeling. Maybe because things didn't go the way they usually do, I feel like something is missing.

On the bright side, I get to play in church with my MelodyChime choir tomorrow. I love playing those things. We are making up our Christmas songs that we didn't get to play because of canceled church serves due to weather. (See? It is that altered universe thing again!) The kids go back to school on Monday. That will help life to seem a little more normal again. Maybe I am just needing to get my life back into a routine again so that my world can "right" itself once again.

I think I am chasing myself down a rabbit trail here. Just coming out to say that I'm done avoiding...life is getting back to normal...and so am I.

I think.....