Faith is the Substance

Have you ever pondered your name? I mean....like saying your name over and over really fast. (Christine. Christine. Christine. Christine.) Now say it again, several times, very slowly. Think about every syllable before you say the next one. (Chris. Tine. Chris. Tine. Chris. Tine.) Pretty soon, the more you say it, the odder it begins to sound. I remember doing this when I was younger. By the time I had said it several times, I began to think what kind of name is Christine? That is the weirdest name ever. It really isn't even a word! (Don't even get me going about Kippy! Talk about a weird name! Thanks, Lou!)

I also remember, as a child, contemplating God in relation to little ol' me. I don't remember what prompted me to do that. I just remember laying on the couch and contemplating the enormity of the universe. Have you ever sat and thought about it? All that we can see with our naked eye when we look up into the sky is only the very tip of the iceberg. It goes on and on and on. There is no one person on this entire planet that will ever know the full vastness of the universe. We will never know. Until we get to heaven.

When I would think about the vastness of the universe, I remember beginning to feel very small. What would make the God of the Universe notice one so small and insignificant as me? I don't remember my faith being very complex at that point in my life. It seems like I remember there being somewhat of a faith struggle at that point. Why would a God who had such a huge universe to maintain, take the time to notice one little small planet? Then on that teeny, tiny planet, why would He pick the speck of earth called North America? And on North America, why would He notice a little mite of a girl in Hayden Lake, Idaho? Part of me couldn't wrap my mind around it. It seemed impossible. Yet, in that glorious thing of childlike faith, I just chose to believe that the God of the Universe noticed me and loved me. It was what I was taught...how could it be wrong?

Isn't that an amazing thought, though? That the great, big God of the Universe, who made all these glorious and amazing things, humbled His creative abilities and made us? (And we are so imperfect, too!! But, I guess that the imperfectness is not God's fault....but our own.) Think about the insignificance of an ice crystal. Very rarely does one get to see the true beauty of an ice crystal. Doesn't God do an awesome job in the small details of life? It is truly amazing that His love and care for us goes to such insignificant details of beauty! I really think that God speaks to us in these tiny, details of beauty!

Even though we are surrounded by signs of God's love and care for us, sometimes I find it difficult to believe that God truly loves me enough to have died for me and saved me from my sins. My current struggle in life is feeling like God's grace is limitless. I get so frustrated with my human side that continues to sin again and again. I am so weak!! How many times will God forgive my anger that explodes at my children? How many times will God forgive my selfishness that gets tired of serving my family and demands "WHEN IS SOMEONE GOING TO SERVE ME?" Being the incredibly fallible human that I am, I find that my grace has limits, doesn't God's?

Sometimes it feels like it does. Why? Why do we doubt the love and grace that God has for us? Even David, who is called a man after God's own heart, doubted God's love for him. There were times that God felt very distant to him....silent. "My God, my God why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent." Psalm 22: 1-2 Yet, if you continue to read the Psalms you will find time and again how David praised God for being beside him in the dark times. "On my bed, I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 64:6-8

So what causes the disconnect of our faith? Is it God who leaves us and causes us to feel abandoned in our faith? That causes us to doubt the covenant relationship we have with God? I think not. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither heigth nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

I am convinced that is only us that makes us feel separated from God. Those times when I allow the busyness of life to overtake me and I no longer have God at the front of my thoughts, those are the times that I feel distant from God....when I have failed to "Be still and Know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 Those are the times that I feel like I have fallen from God's grace and must come crawling back to receive His favor. I remember reading a quote in a book that my mom gave me. It was titled "Selah" by Nancy Carmichael. I am not going to go take the time to get the exact quote...so you will have to deal with my feeble remembrance of it. I believe that she was talking about her mother who was the mother of more children than I have. She felt overwhelmed with life...and underwhelmed with her relationship with Jesus. God just impressed upon her heart that at this point in her life....having her heart attuned to Him was enough. What freedom there was in that thought for me!

Faith is hard work. God doesn't speak to us from a pillar of fire/smoke anymore. Even then, when He did, the Israelites still lost faith. Our hearts really do need to be tuned into Him. We have to take moments to be silent and allow God to reassure our hearts of His presence. It is hard to admit to our precious God when we don't feel close to Him. Yet, I think, when we humble ourselves before Him, and admit our failings, our lack of faith, our desperate need for an assurance from Him, I believe that He hears us and answers us. I think we just need to take the time to ask Him...and to shut off the world around us for a moment and listen for His gentle wooing.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 Hope means to desire something with confident expectation of its fulfillment. Are you confident today? If not, have you asked Him to give you that confidence? Have you quieted yourself before Him and listened for His response?

My prayer is that, today, we will take that opportunity to do so.