Hope Deferred

That is the phrase that has been rumbling around in mind today. For a while, I had a hope that was completely squashed. I prayed about that hope for quite some time. Then, I was bold and I talked about that hope with Tim. I assumed his answer and I was wrong. That was a joy.

Yesterday started the fulfillment of that hope. At least I hope so. Today I am just sick, waiting. There are a lot of factors that come into play to have this longing fulfilled. I'm not sure what I will do if I come so close to having that longing fulfilled, only to have it ripped out from under me.

Oh. It just makes me so sick. The waiting is almost pure agony.

I have found that it is a little hard to pray about this possible fulfillment. Part of me feels that surely since God brought my husband so far that He won't take me back again. Yet, the other part of me feels like I need to be prepared that the answer may not be what it needs to be. I think that is the part of me that is just sick.

I almost hesitate to write out this post. I probably shouldn't since Tim will probably read it. I don't want to guilt him into fulfilling my longing if things don't go the way I am praying they will. I need to be prepared that we might have to go back to square one.

An opportunity to grow my faith. Sometimes the growing pains are uncomfortable.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12