Redeeming the Negative

One of my greatest failings in life is my anger and how quickly my frustrations get the better of me. It has been an area of my life that has caused me much grief. I have spent countless hours repenting, confessing, and pleading for freedom from this ugly blight in my life. Sometimes, I feel like God and I are getting a grip on it. Then other times, I blow it royally. What I wouldn't do to have anger be gone from my life for good.

A couple of months ago, when school was still pretty new for Luke, I said something off-handed in a moment of frustration and anger. It was so very wrong. I have never forgotten it...and I believe it haunts me to this day. For the area that I made the comment on, is now the areas that Luke is manifesting his learning problems in school. I am convinced....and I am not sure that I could ever not be convinced....that Luke's problems were exacerbated by my flying-off-the-handle comment.

From the research that I have done in the last few weeks, I am also convinced that Luke's issue has to do to: 1. He is a boy....boys mature a lot slower than girls. 2. He's just not ready. 3. He's a stubborn little man. But, when I see him absorbing lessons and learning like all the others....but when I ask him about his letters and numbers, I see him disconnect and distance himself. I truly believe that that disconnect is a consequence of my inaptly spoken words.

Thus, I am praying that God would redeem those awful words. Redeem: to deliver; restore the honor or worth of; to turn in and receive something in exchange; ransom, exchange or buy back. This is the specific area that I am asking God to repay what the locusts have eaten. (Joel 2:25)

I heard once that it takes NINE positive remarks to bridge the deficit caused by ONE negative remark. A negative word steals so much from someone. The picture that I have in my head right now is like when you emboss an image on a piece of paper. And though you could smooth that image out, the paper is still left marred. It may feel "smooth" to the touch, but when you look at the paper....you can still see the evidence of the mark.

I am praying that God will heal that mark that I made on my son. I am praying that God would give him a confidence that defies all the odds. I am also praying that I will be realistic in my expectations. I'm doing lots of research on ways that I can help my son. I am praying that God would help Luke to make the connections he needs to succeed. I just don't want my son to have to struggle all the time.

I am praying that through this whole adventure....Luke and I will be changed. Never to be the same again.