Failure to Compliment

I had one of those days where I hungered for affirmation. I can only describe the feeling as that of feeling extremely lonely. I find myself at those times, creeping back to my computer time and again looking for that little "You've Got Mail" symbol. Crazy.

Of course, I have learned over time that the only place that I truly feel affirmed is when I listen to Jesus talking to me. Those are the times that my cup truly feels full. Yet, isn't it crazy that our bodies, spirits, and minds still hunger for affirmation? The affirmation that I mean here comes from someone with skin on. Sometimes we just need someone to be Jesus with skin.

As I was sitting down tonight to write this post, I really didn't know what I wanted to say. When I am hungering for affirmation, I don't feel like there is much to pour out of my spirit. So, I randomly decided to Google the phrase "hunger for affirmation." I came across this really interesting article. The author lists six common assumptions that lead people to dole out compliments sparingly.

1. "We're all expected to do our duty." Each of us is required to bear a certain burden in life. There's no point commending someone for doing what they're expected to do anyway.
2. "Compliments will go to another's head." If you compliment someone, it's feared, they'll become prideful. They may be left with a false sense of having arrived and not be challenged to grow.
3. "Christians are not to stoop to flattery." Some Christians fear that any verbal affirmation is pretentious. Given the desperate sinfulness of the human heart, there really is nothing authentic to compliment in anyone anyway.
4. "If you compliment someone, they'll assume you love them only for their achievement; this will cause them to feel under unfair pressure to live up to your expectations." Some feel this is a basis for not verbally affirming their children. If you commend Johnny for getting an A in math, it's feared he'll associate your love with getting good grades. He'll then feel insecure if he doesn't produce top marks in the future.
5. "Compliments don't need to be verbalized." Others will know you appreciate them simply by your actions. At most, an occasional or veiled compliment is all that should be needed to keep someone feeling affirmed.
6. "Praise is due to God alone." To compliment someone is to give them commendation which God alone deserves. Since no one can achieve anything worthwhile apart from God's help, we dishonor him by praising someone for their accomplishment. We imply that they achieved success by their own effort rather than by God's grace.

I am not sure that any of us would actually claim that those were the thoughts that we have when it comes to complimenting another person. As I read the author's list, though, I found that some of them resonated a little with my spirit. That stunk.

I loved the title of the article: The Joy of Giving (Affirmation) The Healing Effect of Compliments. For some reason, the word healing is like a balm to my spirit. (imagine that!) The author also went on to say that there is some risk involved in giving compliments but maybe the risk is greater in withholding compliments. Kind of gives a hunk of meat to gnaw on, doesn't it?

I think I need a toothpick.