When the Storm Rages

Another confession. Go ahead, roll your eyes. I will be the first one to admit that I have many faults. If anything, I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. It really sucks to be a Personal Perfectionist. I find myself even beating myself up over my messy house. (I should be cleaning....not blogging!)

I don't handle stress the greatest. I fantasize about a cushy life where there are no worries, no time demands, no schedules....just fun and relaxation. Clearly this is not reality. As my kids have gotten older, involved in school events and sports, I find that I can easily be on the go for most of the day. I can't imagine what life will be like when all three of them are involved in sports and school activities. I may need to see if there is an espresso bar attachment for my mini-van!! Anyway, this busyness spells stress for me. I need to start praying that God would change my definition of busyness. Does busyness need to be defined as stress? It may be a hard change for me....I love being home and just "being."

Today has been kind of a nice transition day for me. Last week was so relaxing not having a schedule to maintain. The only schedule we had was to have fun and enjoy each other. Tonight, soccer starts back up with practices back to back for Caden and Daria at two different locations. We will have homework, piano practice, as well as dinner and lunch preps to accomplish. The thought of the evening chaos wears me out even to type it out. Today, Luke and I have been home. I have been slowly accomplishing catch up of house duties, computer duties, and laundry. It has been quite nice. The calm before the storm.

Just a few minutes ago, I sat down to contemplate my blogging for today. I knew if I wanted to write anything, I needed to get it done before the kids got home from school. I took one more look at my beach pictures I posted yesterday. I love them. I think I did a pretty darn good job with them. (I wonder what they would look like framed???) Anyway, I was taking a look at this one:

As I contemplated the picture, I started thinking about my thoughts and feelings that day. I was struggling emotionally with taking a vacation without Tim. I could feel the worries nagging at the back of my mind. For some reason, I had this niggling dread that something horrible was going to happen while I was so far away from Tim, with the kids, by myself. When Caden fell in the waves, my knee-jerk response saw him being swept out to sea. As I watched the storm raging over the ocean, I worried that the waves would be stronger than normal; and as my kids charged and challenged the waves, what if thoughts danced.

How many times did I have to chastise myself for my fears last week? Every time the kids danced with the waves. Every time we set out on the roads while the snow flew. Every time the kids would climb and jump over the rocks. These certainly weren't the thoughts of a child resting in faith in the Father's arms. Thankfully, God would call me back to trust....but the thoughts still danced.

Today, when I looked at that picture, I saw an interesting contrast. Interesting at least to me. My kids were not concerned about the storm. My kids were not concerned about the raging, boiling sea. Instead, they leaped, they danced, they challenged.....and they laughed. Even Caden laughed....at first....when he fell in the ocean and the waved rolled over his head. Then there was me.....standing far up on the shore, antsy with fear that the ocean, and fate would be stronger than my ability to save.

Shouldn't I have the ability to rejoice, laugh, and rest while the storms of life rage around us? Can I still learn to dance on the edge of the mighty sea and take glory in the riches of beauty that God displays....through a storm? Interesting thoughts for me. Seems appropriate that my post title yesterday was that a picture is worth a thousand words.

Sometimes the words change.