Oh..the Shopping Outside is frightful....

The grumbles inside are not delightful...
And since we've got places to go...
Let us beg..let us whine..let us cry!

In reality, I am a true pessimist. I always look at things half full. When I have a favorite lotion, I will use it quite liberally. But, as soon as I hit about half-way down, I stop using it. Why? Because it is almost gone and I don't want to run out. I know. Totally ridiculous. You should see all my half empty bottles of lotion I have.

Every once in a while, though, I get a little optimistic. Random brain burp, or something. I am not quite sure what comes over me. Now, as I typed that, I think I figured out the root of today's brain burp. I guess I just needed to put all the pieces together. I went shopping a little bit with Luke, yesterday. He did really pretty good. In fact, lately, I really haven't minded taking him with me places. He usually stays pretty close, doesn't beg, and I usually find him a little amusing. We did pretty good yesterday.

So...here is today. My kids do not have school on Fridays. Typically our mornings are full with piano lessons and two sessions of chess. Today, due to a scheduling conflict at the church, chess was canceled. Flash of brilliance (aka Brain Burp).....I decided that the kids and I would go to WalMart. For one, all other school kids will be in school, so it shouldn't be busy. Two, Luke has been so good at shopping lately, we should finally be able to go shopping without a fiasco. And three, my kids are now old enough to find joy in buying gifts for other people.

Anyone else noticing the totally flawed thinking that happened here? What was I thinking...and where were you to set me straight??? I think I should check myself into the local Looney Bin and have my head examined. Was I insane?? Yes. Completely and utterly. There is no other way to explain what I was thinking as I loaded my sweet, darling children into the van today.

First off....I don't believe there is ever a time when WalMart is not busy. Whatever was I thinking? (burp!) Last year, a group of friends and I did some late night Holiday shopping at WalMart. Someone told me that it isn't busy in the late night hours. Maybe we weren't there late enough. I was amazed at how many people were swarming the aisles. There were even people there with young children who I was positive needed to be home and in bed. What were they thinking??? With all the traffic that always seems to inundate WalMart, I can't even begin to imagine their daily profit. Whatever Mr. Sam Walton did with his business plan....WAY TO GO!!

Faulty Thought Number Two. Luke, by himself, is a totally different boy than Luke with other kids. (burp!) With that statement, I am not saying that Luke was the only problem child today. Not in any which way, form, or fashion am I saying that. We all have an evil, sin nature. We are born with it. That is why we are all in such desperate need of a Savior. We most certainly cannot save ourselves. My kids are not an exception. Their current love in life is to torment the other for all their worth. The louder their sibling screams, the bigger their grins become. It doesn't matter how many times I threaten their lives, their money stashes, their food intake, or the status of their backsides, my kids will continue to pick the bejeebers out of each other. Lord, have mercy on their souls.

And now...Faulty Thought Number Three. Right now, in complete hindsight, all I can do is shake my head at myself. What was I thinking? (burp!) I tried sweetening the deal with my kids today before we headed into WalMart. We stopped at Dutch Bros. to get a Not So Hot. Didn't help. Did. Not. Help. I even sweetly asked them when we were in the van just before we headed into Temptation World: "Please. We are here to Christmas shop for everyone else. I will not be buying anything for you. Why would I buy your presents now, when you are with me. Please do not ask me for anything. We are here for others. Not for you."

Nice try, Christine, nice try. Really. It was a valiant effort. I had grand hopes. I really thought that, finally, my kids had reached an age where they could put themselves aside and find pure joy in buying for others. (burp!) If I heard, "I want this" once, I heard it a thousand times. If I said, "I am not buying anything for you today" once, I said it a thousand times. I wished that I had a nickel for every time I said that. I could have walked out of there with all my purchases paid for and with enough money for a cruise for one to the Bahamas for a week! (burp!)

Can you picture our afternoon? I've spent the last couple of hours, here at home, buried under the covers of my bed, numbing my ravaged brain on Rachael Ray and Oprah. I feel a little better now that time has separated me from the situation a little. I am really wishing that I had been able to finish all my Christmas shopping today. I have no idea how I will be able to finish it because I refuse....I refuse...to go shopping with my children again.

I'm not sure how to cure myself of this brain burping. Maybe I should try brain washing. My new mantra will be: I WILL NOT PROCRASTINATE. I WILL GET MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING DONE EARLY. REPEAT. I WILL NOT PROCRASTINATE. I WILL GET MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING DONE EARLY.

Now all I have to do is pray that it works.