Successes

Good news to report today as I am quickly rising up to hurricane force speeds. I'm not sure if they have ever named an hurricane Christine....but they will today. I have been praying that the Lord would help me keep my words nice today. Stress tends to make me wig out....and then I am not so patient and nice to my family. Ugh. I was a little testy last night and I had to do a truckload of repenting. Here was the scripture God gave me this morning: "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was give me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12: 7-8.

On a positive note, I was able to find some orange crepe paper today. I stopped at Party Depot...and I picked up the very last one. I wanted more....but oh well. I guess I will deal with what is. The lesson in this instance.....buy crepe paper earlier. The only thing is...I didn't know until Sunday evening that I was out of orange crepe paper. Writing my self a note for next year, I am.

The other success today was finally getting a latte at Starbucks! Woo hoo. I even tried a new flavor this morning....Cinnamon Dolce. It might just become my new current fave. I felt a little gun shy going to the counter. It was quiet for that time of the morning...so I thought for sure they would have issues. But...no. It tasted good on the morning of My Most Busy Day.

I took just a moment to write these thoughts down. It is my only down time between now and probably sometime after 10:00 tonight. If I can get things all set up....it should be a good evening. I am sure I will report in tomorrow!

Stay safe....and have fun tonight!

Absurdities

I've decided that it wouldn't take much for me to be an emotional eater. I'm a little under the stress zone right now and I keep fantasizing about all the ways that I could reward myself. For some reason they are all related to food. When things get crazy and I feel down and stressed, I dream of chocolate-covered, cream-filled bismarks. Mochas from Starbucks. Milkshakes. French fries. You know...all those wonderful things that are so good for your body. Not. It is a good thing that my Financial Conscience doesn't allow me to go out and purchase all those Food Fantasies....because I would probably weigh 3 times what I weigh now.

Part of my stress today has been the pending arrival of Halloween. Today I was running around trying to find last minute things for our church's Trunk or Treat. I really don't like doing errands. I find them highly annoying...especially when one has children in tow. Luke has definitely gotten better about errands, so he really wasn't so bad. I just hate driving here...get out...go into store...look around for things you need (which never seems to be completely successful. Those stores that claim to be One Stop Shopping.... lie.) Then you have to wait in line...wait for slow clerks to ring you up....haul everything out to your vehicle...reload child into van....and repeat the process again at the next location. Feels so much like a total waste of time.

Today, as I was participating in my most favorite of pass-times...running errands (aka: Shopping) I experienced some of the most absurd things in my life. Okay...maybe not my life....but most certainly my year. Can you believe that I went to at least 3 stores today to find Orange Crepe paper? You know....the streamers to decorate with. One would think that one would have no problems finding such a thing this close to Halloween where one of the predominant colors is Orange. Oh no....that would not be the case. I have always had success at the Dollar Store for crepe paper....but not today. Target didn't even look like they had ever had orange crepe paper. I read all the little price labels to see. There was NO orange at all. I stopped in at Albertson's....hoping that maybe they would be able to rescue me. Nope. Couldn't find a roll of crepe paper of any color....much less orange. Now my one place that I didn't go to to look for orange crepe paper was Safeway. I was in there at 10:30 p.m. last night getting milk. I thought to eliminate today's errands by purchasing needed items there. But, when I found that a set of Crayola Markers was $4.84 (!!!!!), I decided not to investigate their crepe paper selection.

While checking out Target, I decided that I would stop in at their local Starbucks and treat myself to my current fave: Pumpkin Spice Latte. Yum. The lady at the counter informs me, that due to a staff member's failure to show up for duty, she can only serve me a free cup of regular coffee as she was not "Starbucks Certified." Over the years, I have learned to enjoy coffee a little....as long as it is doctored...if you know what I mean. A plain ol' cup of coffee??? Might as well drink water straight out of the mud puddle. The really absurd thing about this experience for me, was that this is the second time in a week this has happened to me. I don't usually indulge in Starbucks very often. It is a treat. To have this treat denied two times in a row....what's up, Starbucks? Have I cursed you somehow? Please. This time, the lady did give me a coupon. It says: "We apologize...blah..blah..blah...When we see you next, please enjoy a cup of anything you like, on us....blah...blah...blah." Well...it better be a "doctored" coffee....because heated up mud-water ain't gonna cut it.

My last absurdity of the day for me occurred at Blockbuster Video. I don't normally frequent Blockbuster. Tim for some reason has a hard time paying to watch something....particularly movies. He also lacks the ability to just sit, relax, and watch a full movie. I think it is that sitting still, "doing nothing" thing. But I digress. I only share my lack of Blockbuster Knowledge with you to explain why I found this next thing so incredibly absurd. The clerk was helping the gals in front of me who were renting a couple of videos. Here is her closing comment, verbatim: "Here are your movies. They are a two day rental with a seven day grace period. So, they are due back here no later than next Thursday." Am I the only one who finds this a little absurd??? Why do you call it a two day rental when, with the next words out of your mouth, you say that they are due back in 9 days?

Whatever.

Blessings of Friends

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

In my teen years, I use to bemoan the fact that I didn't really have a lot of friends. I was never in the popular crowd....I was always on the fringe... longing....wishing for that richness of an abundance of friends. I remember cherishing the few friends that I did have, ( I still do!), and being heartbroken with their transient nature.

Though I never really had an abundance of friendships, it seems like I have always managed to have a close friendship. Until recently. Maybe in the desire to stave of the transient nature of friendships, I suffocate them. Or maybe, I just need to accept the fact that friendships will always be transient.....or maybe just transient in their appearance.

I had a "fall out" with a very close friend a couple of years ago. I still find myself, at times, mourning that loss. When I am honest with myself, I am truly mourning the change in appearance of that friendship. We aren't as close as we use to be....but I still call her my friend. In my honesty, I can look back at all those "lost" friendships and realize that they really aren't lost at all. Their appearance has just been altered. I may not talk to them as much as I use to. I may not even talk to them at all. I may not know where they live any more. I may never even see them again. Yet, if I were to run into them today...and I had to introduce them to my family...I would still call them my friend.

Isn't that cool? I guess that you can teach an old dog new tricks. LOL! I was reminded this weekend of the blessings of friends. I am drowning this week in the anticipation of Halloween and our church Trunk or Treat. I spent most of the day yesterday at the church in prep. First off was just attending church. Then practice with our band ensemble. I took Lindsay out for lunch as our first meeting as Samuel/Eli. Then back to the church to start decorating for Trunk or Treat. I have enjoyed the last couple of years working with a "new" friend on our Trunk or Treat. I am very thankful for her and her organization/planning skills. I feel like we have been a good complimentary team together. She has been one of the riches that have come into my life in the last two years.

As I was thinking about that today, I had to take note of all my new friends that I have developed in the last couple of years. As God took my eyes off that really close friendship, as He altered it's appearance, He opened my eyes, and the doors of my life, to so many new friendships. None of them are as close in nature as that one that I "lost." But they are all precious and unique in their own way. Maybe these friendships are healthier than that ultra-close friendship of before. I am now a part of a group of friends. We are more likely to think of others and participate as a group....than to think of only "the two of us." These friendships may rise up to the occasion at different times and points in my life as their particular forte fills a need in my life...or I in theirs. There are just so many possibilities. What fun!

I love the quote that I found about friends today. Each new friend is a new world yet to be discovered....to be birthed, in essence. Each friend is an adventure...a treasure in a field waiting to be discovered. I am rejoicing in the lesson that God has for me today. This post looks nothing like I thought it would when I began.....but God works that way sometimes. Teaches us in the moment....if we are willing.

I've got something to brag about!

I love conference days. I love to be able to have those 20 minutes alone with my kids' teachers. I finally feel like I am getting the contact that I so crave about my children. It really helps put my worrisome mind to rest. That...and it feels so good to hear good things about my children.

Daria is doing well. No worries there. She is spelling at a fourth grade level. That is pretty cool. I knew that she had been doing well....I just wasn't sure how well. She came home yesterday, disappointed that she had missed 4 words on her spelling test. That is a little unusual for her. But...it was those funny words that sounds alike but spelled different....like there, their and they're. And where...were...and we're. She also is reading well...and doing math well. She even behaves in class. Good girl!!

Caden is doing well, too. His teacher said that he is a model student. He is respectful in class, and listens to instructions. In math, he is doing exceedingly well. In spelling, he is doing about average...which is about what I expected. He is also doing well as a reader. I was encouraged to hear that she sees that he needs to build confidence. She has placed him in a reading group where he is one of the better readers so that he isn't discouraged by those who are better. His teacher seems to have a good grasp on who Caden is, and that put my heart at rest. She is really trying to encourage him to speak up and to smile in class. I love to hear that.

So...all in all....conferences were a good thing. It is nice to know that my kids are flourishing in an environment that I feel like I am flourishing in. I am not sure if that concept makes sense. I just feel like, as a parent, that their school is a good place for me to be the best Mom that I can be. It is nice to see that this school is a good place for them to be the best people that they can be.

Praise the Lord for good conferences!!!

Thankful Thursday!

Can you believe it? Another Thursday has arrived. Another day to be thankful! When I started Thankful Thursday, I thought I was being a tad bit original. I had "borrowed" the idea from a friend....but I had the impression from her blog that she was only doing it once. A few weeks ago, I was reading on a different friend's blog and noticed she had this cute little picture advertising Thankful Thursday. I thought..."Now how cool is that? How did she do that?" Then last week, I clicked on it...just for fun....and it took me to this whole website page devoted to Thankful Thursday. There was a blogroll of quite a few blogs who participate in Thankful Thursday. Well...if that just doesn't beat the band! I'm glad that I'm not the only one being Thankful on Thursday....but I was a tad disappointed to see that I wasn't so original! LOL!! So, let's join the many others who find today a good day to be thankful!

• Today I am thankful for the beautiful sunshine that we have had this week. What a blessed relief that it has been for me. I tend to get a little down when the weather is dark, gray and cold. I have just been drinking in the sunshine. It feels so good to climb into a warm, toasty van on a crisp, cool Fall day.
  

• I am also thankful that Luke is loving his swimming lessons. After the miserable time we had last year, it is so exciting to see his joy. He is so full of enthusiasm for swimming. I just love it. To see his smile as he is doing things that last year had him screaming....it makes my heart sing.
  

• I am thankful for Caden's growing confidence. He had his second share day at school yesterday. When I asked him if he was prepared, he told me that he was....and that he had been practicing what he was going to say for days. Yeah!! Last time, he did not want to do share at all. Then, we talked about it and planned what he would say. It went so well. This time was no sweat. When I asked him how it went... he told me it went great. Woo hoo!!

• As always, I am thankful for my family, my kids' health, Tim's job....and my friends. They are a blessing.
  

Have a Thankful day!!

A little appreciation goes a long way.....

Today I thought that I wouldn't have anything to write about. I was kind of bummed that my day was slipping away from me and there was really nothing to write about. I thought I would have to resort to complaining about my ongoing headache. God had mercy on me and gave me something to write about...and I am finding the topic endlessly amusing. God really does have a sense of humor.

Tim is a behind-the-scenes kind of man. He really hates any kind of attention given to him at all....particularly public attention. He is also a very industrious and giving man....doesn't mind doing the unpleasant jobs. His most recent "unpleasant" job has been to replace something like 7 toilets at our church. Yuck is the only thing that I think of. I'm not sure how old those toilets were....but they have been there for as long as I have attended that church....and I won't even go into how long that has been!

One would think that replacing toilets would be one of those behind-the-scene moments in life. Like...who would really care to find out who replaced them and then thank them for doing it. Let me just tell you....you would be surprised at the amount of appreciation a good flushing toilet can generate, let alone seven! Last week, Caden came home from school with a Thank You card from his first grade class.....a thank you to Tim for replacing the toilets. It was so cute. It had this cute (???) smiling toilet on the front and all the kids had signed it. Caden was so proud to give his dad this card. Tim seemed pleased...hmmmm. His only question to me was: "Okay...who gave them my name?"

::::::shrug:::::: Wasn't me!! (whew)

You would think that would be enough!! But...NOPE!! Caden climbs into the van today, grumbling much like his dad does: "Man...now the 2nd graders and the 5th graders had to make dad a card." (He was the delivery boy and he wasn't the most pleased about that.) Sure enough, in Caden's backpack, there were two more cards thanking Tim for replacing the toilets.

The 5th grade class had each drawn a picture of a toilet (there is only 5 kids), and signed their name to their pictures. On the inside of the card, they each signed it and some said a little thank you of their own. The corker for me was this one: "Thank you for our new toilets. You made a difference. James." Yep, Tim, you made a difference in this young man's life.....Great job.

The second grade class really went over the top. They wrote and illustrated a story about the new toilets. All in honor of Tim. Ain't that sweet? It just cracks me up. The appreciation just keeps on flowing. I can only imagine Tim's face when he sees these new "offerings" of appreciation. Too funny. The story that the 2nd grade class wrote is short...so I think I will just close with that. Enjoy! Too bad you can't see the pictures!!!

Attack Of the Terrible Toilets: written and illustrated by The Second Grade Class

There once were four stinky old toilets at Mitch-Sherwood. One day they refused to swallow pooh. Instead, the coughed it up. (note by illustrator: I like the new toilets better.)

Until one day a nice man came to teach them a lesson. Because of their behavior, Tim gave them a one way ticket to the dump.

Tim brought back four new, shiny toilets. Their names were Shiny, Annika, Max and Goldy.

The whole school loved them once they were installed. The only problem was the girl toilets were in the boys' bathroom and vice versa.

Then magically overnight they switched places (and brains!) We're so grateful for our new potty buddies: Shiny, Annika, Max and Goldy. (Thank you, Mr. Brandt!)

Peace and Quiet

Can you tell what is on my mind right now? I am currently dreaming of a luxury soaking tub....filled to the fullest with steamy hot water with a delicious smell of Peace laced throughout. Picture also a few well placed candles that light things just enough to read a good, lazy book. On the side of the tub are a plate of chocolate chip cookies and an icy glass of diet coke. Doesn't that all sound lovely? Sounds like the perfect cure for my day....impossible cure....but it is fun to dream about.

Here is my reality....dirty, messy house....crabby kids fighting homework....loud, squawking four-year old begging for me to do just one more thing. The evening should be winding down....instead I have four lunches to prepare for tomorrow. Three sets of clothes to set out. I like to go to bed with my house picked up...but my day exploded on me unexpectedly....thus my house looks like it exploded. My head is pounding mercilessly. I wonder if it is tension. I notice that one side of my jaw is sore...hmmmm...makes me wonder.

We were talking this last Sunday in Sunday school about being mindful to be thankful. I've been a crabby mom tonight as I have battled this nasty headache. Doesn't make one feel so successful in the Mommy world....much less in my world of honoring Jesus. The circumstances of my day are nothing....a distraction to my every day schedule leaving my very worldly side of life in an uproar. The peace of all this, is knowing that my relationship with Jesus stands firm. I am grieved that my anger gets the best of me instead of being conscious of Jesus' presence in my life. Yet, my heart is still desiring to follow after Him. Isn't it wonderful that God's grace is never ending? I find it so difficult to grasp at times that God would continue to forgive the same failing in me again and again. What a peaceful thought to dwell on in the wake of a "difficult" evening. My relationship with God is not situational....it is positional. I choose to position myself at the feet of Jesus...asking for mercy.

Got a little preachy there...but I guess I needed to say all that to myself. I guess I will sign off on with that....head to the kitchen to tackle my chores. I am going to put on my rose-colored glasses so that I don't see all the things that need cleaned up. Then, I am going to pray that I don't get discouraged to walk into a dirty home after being gone all morning long tomorrow. Maybe I should start dreaming of a housekeeper........

Oooo...now doesn't that sound lovely????

Withdrawals....

I can't believe that I have gone 3 days without writing a blog!! Something must be wrong with me. No...not really. I have just been busy. A good busy...but still busy. Mom and Dad were here this weekend and it was full. Today was just packed with things and here it is, 10:40 at night and I am taking a quick moment to write. But....I had to write....it was calling my name!

Saturday, Daria had a soccer game. It was a tough game all around. It rained and rained and rained. The field was so incredibly muddy. Everything that we took that day to the soccer field came home with a smattering of mud. Yuck. Poor girly was out there in the cold rain and mud...and they had a tough game. 0-8. No mercy.

Saturday night was precious. Kind of hard to explain and to put into words. We took Mom out to dinner for her birthday. We had invited my cousin and his family to go with us. There is so much history there. My cousin's story is so amazing...and to witness some possible healing coming through conversations was unlike anything I've experience. I have no words to describe that night...the conversations...and the myriad of thoughts I've had since. Praying a lot about the future and possibilities.

Those were the two things of the weekend that I had been thinking all along that I wanted to blog about. Granted, I didn't write nearly what I would have if it wasn't almost 11:00 at night. I am thankful for a good weekend...with lots of fun and precious memories in them. I will have mercy on all of us and make this a short one tonight. If I don't go to bed now.....I may not be able to get up tomorrow.

Blessings!

God Smiled Today!

There’s Sunshine in a Smile

Life is a mixture of sunshine and rain
Laughter and pleasure, teardrops and rain
All days can’t be bright but it’s certainly true
There was never a cloud the sun didn’t shine through
So just keep on smiling whatever betide you
Secure in the knowledge God is always beside you
And you’ll find when you smile your day will be brighter
And all of your burdens will seem so much lighter
For each time you smile you will find that it’s true
Somebody, somewhere will smile back at you
And nothing on earth can make life more worthwhile
Than the sunshine and warmth of a beautiful smile.

–Helen Steiner Rice

What a glorious day today! My heart was busy singing praises this morning. I could have danced forever! I am amazed at my God sometimes. You would think that after all this time and all that He has done, I wouldn't be so in awe. Yet, God is so good!! Have you ever prayed in your heart for something....then something happens and you think....Wow...that was so much more than I really asked for?

Today was one of those days for me. Oregon is suppose to be in the middle of this yucky, yucky storm. We are suppose to have wind and rain....rain...rain. When I look outside right now....that is exactly what I see. Rain. Daria and Caden had field trips today. Daria's class was headed to the zoo...and Caden's class was headed to an apple orchard. Mom and Dad are in town, so I had asked Mom to watch Luke for me so that I could go with Caden's class to the orchard. All week long they have been predicting this nasty storm. I was dreading the trip the orchard. I hate cold...I hate the wind...and I hate the rain. Those conditions are barely tolerable when I am inside all wrapped up in my cozy blanket much less standing out there, facing it all, surrounded by rowdy first graders! I was really grumbling this morning, as Tim woke in the dark, dark morning to hear roaring winds and drenching rains. Ugh.

It was the most amazing thing as we were riding in the big, lumbering bus to the apple orchard. I was in complete awe. There was patches of blue sky; and, warm sunshine poured into the bus. Kids were peeling off their coats and my heart just started singing. We had such a wonderful time at the orchard! The kids were able to enjoy the hay ride out to the orchard. They jumped and ran through the hay maze and loved petting the goats and chickens. What an amazing thing to behold when I had visions of wet, cold kids huddled under a few measly umbrellas. Isn't it just amazing that God would pause the raging storm for a few hours so that we could enjoy these field trips? How utterly awesome is that!

Why should I be surprised? God is control of the weather. The storms on earth are nothing in comparison to God's awesome power. He is in control. When I heard the storm raging this morning...did I pray, asking God to cease the storm? No. I distinctly remember saying: "Hmm, Lord...this is gonna be a lot of fun. Help us get through this day." I am amazed that God would not only help us get through the day....but that He would bless us with a glorious pause in the rain and shower us with sunshine. He knew my heart...He knew I wanted sunshine. He gave me sunshine....even when I knew I would be satisfied with the absence of rain. So....today...I danced...and God smiled!

"He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet, be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" Mark 4:39-41

Come, Ye Thankful People, Come

Come, ye thankful people, come, raise the song of harvest home;
All is safely gathered in, ere the winter storms begin.
God our Maker doth provide for our wants to be supplied;
Come to God’s own temple, come, raise the song of harvest home.

Come, people who follow after God's heart, let us take a moment and give thanks. Our God is a Mighty Warrior who fights for us and with us. We have a God who sings over us with joy and loves us with an everlasting love.

It is hard for me to believe that another week has flown by. Time seems to go quicker than I can blink my eye. Sometimes I long to slow it down so that nothing slips me by. Yet, I find that more slips by me than I feel it should. Yet, I don't want to miss being thankful for today.

• Today, I am thankful for my mom. She turns 60 today! (Oops....I probably shouldn't announce her years!! Oh well. ) My mom has been a blessing in my life. She is human...she has made mistakes....but she is covered by the grace of Jesus. She did her best raising my sister and I....and I think she did a pretty darn good job. She is a wonderful Grammy....my kids will attest to that. She has been a wonderful daughter to her parents, sister to her siblings, mother to her children, a blessed wife to my dad, and a precious child of the King. We don't always tell her how wonderful she is....but we all really think she is. Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.
  

• I am thankful for God's faithfulness. He continues to pour out His grace in my life, even when I fail miserably. He gives me midnight inspirations....and has helped a scared little boy to find passion in swimming. Thank you, Jesus, for being so faithful and tender in my life.
  

• I am thankful for Tim's job...who is changing our insurance. It should save us money per year, as well as per visit. Barring any major medical catastrophes in our lives, it should be a good thing for our finances. Every little bit helps when the cost of living seems to be skyrocketing everywhere.
  

What a blessing to be thankful! I love the feeling of my spirit dancing as I thank my Jesus for His bountiful goodness in my life. What are you thankful for today? Have you thanked Him for it yet?

One more thing to be thankful for....I am thankful for friends....both near and far...and those I don't see nearly enough. Thank you for your love, support, and prayers.

Happy Thankful Thursday!

Midnight Inspirations

Whew. What a long day. It isn't over yet, either. Wednesdays are my very full day. I enjoy them...but they sure are full. I babysit for Community Bible Studies in the morning. Then I dash home to grab lunch and toys for Luke to take to the sitters and run to the school to volunteer. Caden was so sweet today when I was volunteering. He loves having me come in. He kept giving me these great big hugs and sweet kisses. Sometimes it feels like a sacrifice to be there, but seeing his excitement at having me there makes it all worthwhile. Even Daria seemed to be a little pleased that I was there today. They sure made me feel good.

My wagon is draggin' a little today because God blessed me last night. I have been doing some skits on Sundays of October announcing our Trunk or Treat that is happening on Halloween. I always get a little panicky because I am "writing" these myself. We haven't had the greatest turn out of volunteers sign up this year....so I am getting even more panicky. Last night, as I was attempting to fall asleep....God gave me a great inspiration for the skit for this Sunday. I was so excited about it. I just kept praying: "God, please help me to remember this in the morning...please help me to remember."

Well....I finally couldn't stand it any more. I kept mulling it around in my head last night until not only was my mind in a knot.. so were my jammies from all that tossing and turning. So...up I hopped out of bed and ran to turn the light on. Tim thought for sure that I had lost my mind! So...there I sat...in the wee hours of the night (at least it wasn't morning!!!) scribbling away furiously. I am excited about this skit for Sunday...I hope that it really grabs people.

This leads me to another thought. I've actually been acting these skits. Can you believe that? I have always thought that it would be fun to act....though I am truly a weenie. Getting up in front of people makes me so nervous that I am sick to my stomach and my knees feel like Jell-o. I am truly pathetic. This year, I haven't noticed my nerves so much. I just fly up there and get my little skits done. The thing that really makes me roar is that the last two week, I have had 2 people say that I was "born to be an actress." Or something along those lines. That just makes me split a gut. If they only knew. I figure it must be all that Feminine Drama that I participated in during my teen years.

Well...I am off to take Daria to soccer....do First Grade homework in the cold wind...and listen to a four year old who is upset with giving away too-small clothes. Wish me luck!

God is in the business of answering prayers.

I thought and thought of another title for today's posting....but nothing seemed to rise to the surface. What I wanted to blog about today was completely an answer to prayer, so I just had to title it what I did. There is just no other way to call it. I am excited to report a wonderful answer to prayer!

It seems like I am often blogging about Luke, my precious little man. I think I have said before that he has brought me to my knees more times than the other two combined. He is a precious boy with a definite mind of his own! He definitely made his opinion known about swimming lessons last year, that's for sure!

For my children to learn how to swim has been an important goal for me as a Mom. Tim doesn't know how to swim....and he really has no idea at the fun that he is missing. My kids have always loved playing in the water, so I was a little dumbstruck to find that Luke hated swim lessons last year. Swim lesson days became the most miserable days for Luke and I. Even if I didn't tell him we were headed to the pool, he seemed to know and the kicking and screaming would begin. It was horrible. At first, I thought it was an authority issue, but after a while, I honestly think he began to develop a fear. Over time, and with discussions with other moms, I think he had a fear of the teacher....not the water. After much wrestling with my thoughts...and with him...I decided to lay swimming lessons down for a while....and revisit the topic another time.

Fast forward about 9 months. Luke had his first swim lesson of the year today. We have been talking about them for about 2 months. At first, he would instantly start his tantrums. Then, slowly he began to discuss it with me. Finally, he seemed a little excited about them. When I mentioned to him this morning that we were headed to swim lessons, he started to cry a little. He did not want to go. I am not sure what happened, but all of a sudden he snapped out of it and was all revved up to go. He even wanted to take a painting that he had done to his teacher. What an answer to prayer!!!! I wanted to do a little dance right there....but we still had to actually get in the pool!!

When we got to the pool, he was really excited. He got himself dressed and ran out there. He was really excited to get in the pool. We were early so we had to wait. He was still excited; but, when we had to go talk to his teacher, I hear this little voice: "Mom, I'm nervous about this." We talked about it a little. I shared that nervousness with this teacher. The next thing, I know, he is sitting on the edge of the pool chatting away at this teacher. He was a little hesitant at first when she asked him to get his belly button wet...but he finished the lesson off and did everything he was asked to do. When I told him that I was proud of him for how well he did at lessons, he said: "Thanks, Mom!" He is very anxious for his next lesson....he had a lot of fun!!

Now, I consider this a downright miracle! I am convinced that God is the only one who can change that little boy's mind! God is so good. He really does care about the little details in our lives. Hopefully I will be able to report that Luke is floating on his own soon! Anyway....I just had to share my dancing-with-joy moment of the day!!

God equips the Called

I attended the Women of Faith conference this weekend at the Rose Quarter in downtown Portland. What an amazing experience. It is absolutely an astounding thing to see several thousand Christian women all together in one location. Crazy and exciting. I just loved it on the song "How Great is Our God" when they had us sing without any music. How beautiful to hear the thousands of voices joined together as one. Incredible.

Women of Faith have quite an act there. It flows incredibly well...and I was impressed how well they stayed on schedule. Yet, even with the fact of all the rehearsal and repeat performances, they still had very poignant presentations. God really has gifted these women for this amazing ministry that reaches so many women! I could really tell that God was using this conference to reach so many women from all over the nation...all ages...and from all races, too.

Through my involvement with Moms In Touch, I was asked to be involved in the prayer room. That was also an amazing experience. I am usually intimidated to pray with other people that I don't know. Yet, my first session in the prayer room, I spent approximately and hour and 20 minutes praying through scriptures for the ladies attending the conference. It was quiet in there in regards to ladies coming in asking for prayer. Yet, it was amazing to spend that much time praying through scripture. My second session of prayer time, I had the opportunity to pray with 2 ladies. It was a very touching time, and I loved how God had prepared me through my first session of prayer. The scriptures that we had prayed through were so appropriate for the two ladies that I prayed with...and there they were...fresh on my heart. One lady admitted that she had wished for someone a little older to pray for her; but, she said that I did well!! That kind of made me chuckle....because she was only 6 years older than I!!

Then at the close of the day, when my friends and I were meeting up to head for home, another lady came in at the very end to ask for prayer. She said that she promised God that she would not leave that day until she had asked for prayer. She was an African American woman. Her prayer request was regarding feelings of prejudice towards white women. Here we were....three very white women that were there to pray with her. As she was talking, I got a little nervous...because I honestly did not know how to pray for her. I was glad that it wasn't a one on one because I wouldn't have known where to start. Yet, we prayed with her....and I thought it went well. I suppose God and that woman are the only ones who will truly know if she walked out of that room changed. That was what she wanted...was to be changed....to no longer be what she was when she came in...to be different. I've been praying for her, and the others, since I got home.

I will admit that I was a little....no a lot...nervous about this prayer room. I am not a very bold person...as I have confessed time and again. Yet, I am in awe of how God orchestrated each prayer event. There was no time for nerves. There was no option to back out. There was no other way but obedience. I remember after my last session of prayer time just sitting there a little stunned. The feeling of triumph when I faced that fear and just charged right through it and found that God was right there with me. It was an amazing experience. How does one even begin to describe it?

Would I do it again? Probably. It was a long couple of days....and the crowds at times were more than overwhelming....but it was a good. God definitely equips those He calls.

I've got Sunshine.....

What a beautiful afternoon it was today! I dressed myself so warmly today because I have spent all week shivering in my boots. With all that warmth, I was sweating profusely all day. Not that I am complaining, mind you. It was a nice change of pace from all the gray skies.

The kids and I were on the move today. It was full and fun. Daria had piano lessons this morning. As soon as we dropped her off....I dashed Caden over to the church for Chess class. He was a little nervous about it, but settled down after I told him I would stay. That little man loves games, so I think that he will love chess. I had to leave his chess class early to pick up Daria and bring her back for her Chess class. While she did chess, I decorated the bulletin board in the fellowship hall. We should have left Daria's chess class early to get to the birthday party she was invited to, but she didn't want to leave her game. So....we dashed as much as you can dash in our area to get to her party. The boys and I played at McD's while we waited for that to be over.

Then we came home. And it was so beautifully warm out. I just soaked it all up. I encouraged the kids to stay outside....and I worked outside, too. It just does my spirit so good to work out in the sunshine after all the dreariness. So...my yard looks a little better; even though it still needs a bunch more work. The kids had fun salting a slug, playing with the worms, and spraying spiders that were lurking around the house. Caden was wishing for more pinecones on the ground so that he could earn money by picking them up!

Now, I am off to get ready to head out to Women of Faith. I am really looking forward to this experience. I will have to report back later. I hope you all enjoyed some Sunshine today!!

Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart

Yep...today is Thankful Thursday. I am glad that today is the day to give thanks because my heart has been complaining. It is so easy to focus on the things in life that scream for attention. Yet, are those things that scream more important than those things that gently woo our heart?

So, today I am thankful for:

• Sunbreaks that happen at just the right times! With the colder weather and the onslaught of rain, it has been amazing that God has allowed the sun to come through on those times when I am dreading sitting in the rain.....soccer practice and games, etc. God is good....even in these little things.

• The free opportunity that I have to participate in the Women of Faith conference this weekend. I will be participating in the prayer groups at Women of Faith because of my contact with Moms in Touch....thus I get to attend for free. A friend and I are traveling over together and riding the MAX downtown. I am looking forward to my weekend.
  

• A washing machine that works. I was grumbling about needing to do laundry today....so I decided to be thankful that I didn't need to wash our clothes by hand like the old days. I guess I just need to turn those grumbly thoughts around to somehow be thankful. It definitely helps!!

May we always be able to turn the Grumbles of Life into a moment of Thankfulness!!

Give thanks with a grateful heart,
Give thanks to the Holy One,
Give thanks because He's given
Jesus Christ His Son.

And now let the weak say "I am strong."
Let the poor say "I am rich."
Because of what the Lord has done
for us
Give thanks.

Afternoon Slump

As I have gotten older, I've noticed that it seems that I have very few "peak" hours. Technically, I am really not that old, but my body already seems to be hitting the Rhythm of the Aged. (I just made myself crack up with that thought!) Maybe I am just not good for much anymore. Past my prime...let's move on!

Anybody who has lived with me for any length of time at all can attest to the fact that I am NOT a morning person. My husband seems to find it amusing to rile me up at 6:something in the morning. I don't know why the death threats haven't scared him off yet. My new morning survival mode is to wake up....exercise a little....burn off that anger of being awake....do a little devotions....shower...and then get the kids ready for school. I really hate it when my kids break the mold and wake up sometime before they're suppose to. When Tim gets off his schedule and messes up my schedule....Whoa, Nellie....it ain't perty and I will fully admit it! The really bad thing is that Luke seems to be the only one who hasn't inherited my Love o' the Morning. (read dripping with sarcasm.) Maybe around 10:30 or 11:00 I am finally able to say that my day has truly begun. (not that the rest of the world lets me operate that way.) I am getting better about this area of my life....I promise....most of the time.

Quitting time for me is typically about 7:30 or 8:00. At this time of the evening, dishes should be done. Kids' clothes laid out for the next day. Lunches and Backpacks are ready and waiting for the morning. (Anything to make my mornings go smoother!) Bedtime for the kids is now raising its lovely head. It is also the time when I am ready to just sit on the couch and veg in front of the TV (not that there is much good on these days) or soak up a good book. I have punched the ol' Mental Time Clock and I am done. No more monkey business....Mom's off duty.

So, looking at this, you would think that I can have a pretty good chunk of time from 10:30 until 7:30 where I should be a vital, active, productive Member of Society. (Sure, if I have to.) Yet, somewhere in time, my body has developed this thought of the Afternoon Slump. Somewhere around 2:00 to 3:00 in the afternoon, I seem to run out of gas...sputtering around on fumes. I usually have grand thoughts about what I will accomplish in the afternoon, but my body rebels. It is almost like there is this undeniable force that draws my body to sit...lay down....zone out.

Today, I am ashamed to admit, I laid down for a little bit. Luke was entertained in the other room....and the next thing I knew Luke was jumping on top of me...waking me up!! I didn't think I was all that tired....but apparently I was. I was glad that Luke woke me up or I'd have received a lovely call from the principal lecturing me on being a deadbeat Mom! Anyway, I got up....and went to get Daria and Caden from school. As I was sitting in carline, it was all I could do to keep myself awake.

Now, some days are better than others. The kids' activities definitely play a factor in whether the Slump catches me or not. If I am away from home, I usually manage to escape its clawing grasp. Yet, secretly, I dream of afternoons lying around, reading a book, and sneaking in a nap. In this altered reality, all things that needed to be done, would be done. Even if I were to take a three hour nap, I would still be able to fall asleep quickly at night and rest well all night long.

Unfortunately, the Real World doesn't work that way. In the real world, all chores take time....and three hour naps completely slaughter a good night's rest. So, I trudge as best as I can through that agonizing Afternoon Slump and daydream of things that just can't happen. You know......those daydreams that just make you thzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

E.L.I. ****Every-day Life Investment****

We all know the story of Samuel. He was a boy...a gift from God to his mother, Hannah. In her gratitude, she gave Samuel back to God and he was raised in the temple under Eli, the priest. One night, Samuel heard the voice of God call him and Eli told him to answer. From there, Samuel became one of the greatest religious leaders of ancient Israel.

Northwest Yearly Meeting of Friends offers a program for Jr. High youth who are recognized as leaders in their churches. This program is called Samuel school....helping to equip them to hear and obey God's voice. This program also desires to connect these youth with adults in their church who will have a "significant impact on his or her life through every-day activities.....As an ELI, you can share some of what it means for you to be a Christian in 'every-day life,' helping them get a better grasp on their own situation and future growth."

It feels like a daunting task. Know why I feel that? I have been asked by a young lady in our church to be her ELI. It has been over a month now since she asked me and I have been praying diligently about this task. Quite frankly, it scares me a little bit....okay...a lot. I've been praying that I don't mess this up..that somehow I can honor God in spite of my insecurities. I have also been praying that this will be a profound time for her.

It seems kind of strange that this Samuel school thing has come full circle for me. I attended the very first Samuel school when I was in Jr. High back in 1983. From what I remember, I enjoyed it a lot. There was a lot of information. Back in those days, we didn't have ELIs to come home to and encourage us. So, here I am...asked to be an ELI. Seems daunting.

It hits so many insecure areas in my life. I'm not a very bold and intentional person....especially when I don't know people very well. To make the initial contacts in our relationship, as this will demand, feels a little unnerving. Don't know exactly why...but it does. I stayed awake quite a long time last night, trying to think of some things that we could do together casually that would lend itself to talking about her faith. Those pregnant pauses of conversational expectations send me into a blur....and yet I want to be faithful to this "calling."

I purchased her a pretty journal today. I plan on writing a letter in it and giving it as a gift before she leaves on Friday. Hopefully that will allow me to share some of my feelings with her without the pressure of listening to some old lady who might come across like a nagging mom. (I'm only a couple of years younger than her mom! :-0 )

Pray for Lindsay this weekend as she heads to Quaker Hill, in Idaho, for Samuel School. Pray that she will find a love and a passion for hearing and obeying God. Pray for me as I pray for her and reach out to her as her ELI. This is unchartered ground for me as I have never "mentored" anyone...nor have I ever been mentored.

For I am the Lord, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, "Do not fear;
I will help you."
Isaiah 41:13

Fall is falling.

The weather is definitely changing. There are certain things that I like about Fall. I love the pretty leaves....even though the owner of my Favorite Fall Tree cut it down this last sumer. I enjoy the relief of the hot temperatures of July and August. I love the random rain that waters my grass and flowers for free...a free drink from Heaven direct. I enjoy the apple harvest, the pumpkins, and the anticipation of our annual Trunk or Treat. Fall can be a lot of fun.

Yet, this morning, as I sat shivering on the couch, I remembered the things that I dislike about Fall. Fall means the pending arrival of Winter. The random rain that I enjoy soon turns into permanent gray skies, dark mornings, soaking rains, and a bone-permeating chill. I have become a royal Woos when it comes to the cold. I hate it. And that is not an understatement.

In my efforts to fight off the chill of winter, I have become this Fleece fanatic. If there is a relatively nice article of clothing that is fleece, I covet it with all that I am. My wardrobe is slowly filling up with varying articles of fleeceware. I just recently ordered a fleece shirt from L.L. Bean. It arrived today. I tried it on and it was like a slice of Heaven. It felt just like I was wearing a blanket...all snug and cozy. I hope that it holds up to my Great Expectations for it. I want to be warm.

The dilemma of wanting to wear fleece all the time, is that it doesn't lend itself to the trendy styles. Sometimes, I see things that border on style....but not really. I yearn for clothes makers to design a stunning dress made of fleece. I would even settle for a nice skirt and blouse. My only requirement would be that it wouldn't look like I was wearing my pajamas to church. (There's an idea....wish I was bold enough to start a new trend!)

Maybe the next big idea would be to have electric clothes. They have already designed electric socks....of which I own a pair. The socks are a little awkward as you have this huge battery pack lumping up the leg of your pants. Even so, I crave for them to make electric heated pants. It would give a whole new definition to Hot Pants. Maybe they could be solar operated. Oops....I am sure that wouldn't work with Oregon's permanent gray skies. (Rats, I thought I was on to the next big American Inventor Idea!) Surely there has got to be a way to make this work!

Well, my poor limited brain and my miserable lack of sewing/designing skills leave me dry. Guess there won't be any miracle clothes out there to rescue me from my shivers. I guess that I will just spend my fall and winter bundled up like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man, hugging heated up corn bags, and nursing mugs of hot liquid. It makes me laugh to write that, because Luke has been asking me all day if he could be naked! As his mama shivers and shakes, there's my little nekkid boy running around in full glory. I wish they could bottle up in pill form whatever it is that makes children immune to cold.

So...Cheers to pretty leaves, drenching rains, and to functional...but warm...fleece clothing! May you stay warm and dry this damp, chilly Fall!

I yelled today.

Yep...I shamelessly yelled my fool head off today. I tried with everything that was in me to keep my mouth shut. I kept telling myself over and over again. DO NOT YELL....KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.....HUSH....BITE YOUR TONGUE. It was absolutely no good. I yelled until my throat hurt and then I kept on yelling.

But what is a Mom to do when her daughter is becoming the star of the soccer team? Answer me this....how does a Mama keep her mouth shut? Tim wasn't able to go to Daria's game today and so I was video taping the game. I try so hard to be quiet because my mouth is like RIGHT THERE next to the camera. When you watch it on replay....what do you hear???? Some raving lunatic yelling her fool heart out trying to empower those little girlies to greater heights. Ducking my head, I must confess that that raving lunatic is me.

Hi, my name is Christine....and I am a screamaholic.

It was such a fun game to watch today. I was cursing the fact that I was recording. There just is no comparison when you have to watch the game on a little 2 inch screen. Grrr. It is so frustrating and Daria was doing sooo good. It was a hard first half. They ended the half with the other team up 3 goals to 1. I did really good not yelling on the first half.

Now, the second half...my girlie was no longer the goalie. She was smack dab in the middle of the action. At first, she was kind of just standing there like she was stuck in the goalie box still. She wasn't sure if she was defense or offense. But, then she came alive!!! Yee haw! The girls did so good the second half. There was no holding this mama back. I just let it go. I just couldn't hold it back. Woo hoo!! I am sure that you could have heard me in the neighboring city. When they watch the video, they will probably hear it clear to the moon and back!!

Daria scored two goals in the second half. It tied the game up and that was where it ended. It was a good game and I was one proud mama. I'm pretty sure that isn't a secret any more.

Oh well.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Someone asked me a couple of weeks ago what I would do if, during the day when Caden and Daria were at school, she took Luke for a few hours. Much to her dismay, my answer was: "Go clean my house." You should have seen her face, it really bordered on disgust! I think that she was thinking I would go spend the afternoon at the local spa. Now, that does appeal to me...but that is so short term. Nothing speaks a more lasting peace in my life than to have a clean house. Weird, I know....but it is true!!

My parents informed me late this week that they were coming into town and needed a place to land. I should have guessed when they announced the death of my great, great aunt at Women's Retreat last weekend. (She was the mother of some missionaries in our church.) Now, I don't need to tell you that my family really did nothing along the lines of blessing me with a clean house to come home to after Women's Retreat. I had hurriedly tried to clean a little before I left, but my week quickly escaped me. So, my house really was pretty dirty when I arrived home.

Now I will confess that I really didn't use my time the wisest on Monday and Tuesday. I even crashed on the couch for a couple of hours on Tuesday. Luke sort of let me sleep....but I think my weekend had finally caught up to me. Wednesday of this week was jam packed. Babysat for the local Community Bible Study group in the morning....dashed home to pick up some toys for Luke to take to the sitters....then dropped him off....then ran to volunteer at the school for a couple of hours. Home for a little bit...then dash off to soccer practice. While at soccer practice, my husband got the hairbrained idea to go to Costco. Normally, I LOVE Costco....but that felt a little pushed in my day. The redeeming thing of that was that I didn't have to cook that night. When I got home from Costco, there was the message from my parents that they were coming. Thus....I spent a good portion of the last two days redeeming my house from the Weeks of Neglect and Haphazard Cleaning.

As I write this out, my house is clean. I've been doping my kids on PBS shows for the last couple of hours so that my house will at least stay clean for a couple of hours. (where is that ducking-behind-the-couch emoticon when I need it???) The feeling of a clean house is the epitome of bliss to me. There is nothing grander than to work my little (not-so-little??) fanny off, clean my house like a wild woman....and than aaaaaahhhhhhh. Can't you just feel it???

Now I will NOT say that my house is perfect. My children have inherited their pack-ratness from their Mom. I have closets and corners that are crying out for someone to rescue them. They are one of those projects that I keep telling myself....I'll do it tomorrow....yeah...tomorrow. I keep threatening to hire someone to come help me sort through all that madness. But, I really think that I will need therapy to be able to let some things go. That could be downright scary, and I think I might die of embarrassment to let people in my hiding places. Oh my....I shudder just thinking about it.

Well, my parents have now arrived and my kids have hit Ballistic Mode. They aren't the least bit excited that they are here. I know my parents are exhausted when they leave here. I imagine it takes them at least a couple of days to recover. My house may not survive the next couple of minutes.

Lord, Help us all.

Thankful Thursday continued......

As I was cleaning the bathrooms, I was reminded of one more thing that I was thankful for. I am not sure why it came to me while I was scrubbing a toilet....it just did. Funny the way God works sometimes.....

• Today, as my MIT moms were saying good bye--one of the moms mentioned that her son as well as one of the other ladies in our group have two boys who will be in Luke's class next year when he starts kindergarten. That is soooo an answer to prayer. As my kids have drawn near to starting school, I have prayed that they would find good friends. That they would be kids from good, believing homes. Here, I have found not just one...but TWO....boys that come from my precious MIT group Moms. Now, I will pray that my son will develop wonderful relationships with these boys.
  

What a blessing!

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thankful Thursday! Can you believe that another week has flown by? I swear that my days are going by faster than they were before. We measured the kids on the wall last night. You know, the wall that just about every family has....all the little pencil marks with names and dates and ages....marking out the height related to all. My sweet little Luke measured taller, at age four, than Caden was at age 5. I guess I knew that in my heart.....little shocking to see it in actuality. Time flies.....hold tight to those moments.

I have come to love Thursdays. Not only am I reminded to be thankful, Thursday mornings I meet with my Moms In Touch group....and I just LOVE that precious time. We had 8 of us this morning....praying for an accumulated total of kids: 14!!! That doesn't include the little ones that aren't in school yet! I have written all their names down in a list by grade because I love to mention them all by name in closing. I love to just ask Jesus to touch them each and overflow that touch to those around them. I cried today as I saw that list. It is amazing. That leads me to my first thankfulness.....

• I am so thankful for these other moms who meet with me every Thursday. I am thankful that they pray for my children and I for theirs. It is such a precious and amazing time. God is so faithful to us.
  

• I am thankful for Daria's teacher....for her creativeness in class. I am thankful that my daughter loves school and is doing so well.
  

• I am thankful for Caden's excitement with the things that he is learning. I am thankful that he is enjoying art. I am thankful that he is singing. I am thankful that he enjoys his new P.E. teacher. I am thankful that others see that he is growing and changing.
  

So much to be thankful for. I can't help but rejoice today.

Thank you, Jesus, for your faithfulness today and always.....

Mr. Fab

I did my first volunteering of the year today at Daria and Caden's school. What a riot!!! I sure wished that I had had my camera with me today....it was hilarious. Daria's class had a "substitute" for their science portion of the class. It was actually Mrs. Beecher dressed in a lab coat and a wig of wild white hair. She talked with this hilarious accent and I just wanted to sit back and roar. It was awesome!! She was Mr. Fab.

Their class is studying animals. Mammals, Reptiles, Fish, Amphibians, Birds. Notice that the bold letters spell out Mr. Fab. How clever! I was just so pleased to see this side of Mrs. Beecher. Every time that I have seen her, she seems a little bit on the serious side. She has even seemed to be a tad shy or insecure....she seems to have difficulty looking me in the eye. It kind of felt like a gift, today, to see this side of her. To see the kids excited about learning...laughing...and enjoying it immensely. Even I learned some things as I sat in the back sorting pictures. It was just so fun to see her teacher giving her all. I am not sure that I could be that off the wall as a teacher.

Kudos to you, Mrs. Beecher!!

*********************************************************************************

On a side note, Daria got in the van today and informed me that she thinks she needs to go back to Second Grade. Part of me wanted to fall off my chair....and the other part of me was just rolling my eyes!! She is doing so good in school. She doesn't seem to be struggling. Though, a couple of weeks ago, she said that school was hard. And last night she said it was too easy!

The issue boils down to a boy named Jackson. He has been the bane of Daria's school year, this year. Normally my daughter is VOCAL....sometimes too vocal. (She always seems to need to have the last word with me!) Yet, so far, she can't seem to stick up for herself. Jackson is one of her table mates. Apparently he just likes to be a pain in the you-know-what. I keep telling Daria to 1). Talk to Jackson and ask him to stop; and, 2). if that doesn't work, talk with Mrs. Beecher. I am hoping that this is a situation that will resolve when the modular classrooms are moved in and they can have a normal classroom.

My plan of action right now is to just pray that Daria gets the gumption up to talk to Mrs. Beecher about moving away from Jackson. I am also praying that Jackson will no longer be a pain. I am praying, too, that the placement of the modulars will happen quickly and smoothly. It sounds like another 3 weeks or so before they might be in.

God can make it happen, though!!

Surprising Places

I've had a thought running around in my mind for a couple of days. I haven't written about it yet, because I can't seem to wrap my mind around the idea. Even now that I am sitting down to write about it, I am not exactly sure why, how and where I am going with it. Maybe it will be one of those surprises that God shares with me as I attempt to untangle my mind with words.

I remember, in my younger days, that I use to look at people who were the age that I am right now and I use to think they were "old." Not just physically grown up....but emotionally, spiritually and mentally grown up. They seemed to have wisdom and experiences that were to be admired (okay....most of them had things to be admired! Ha!). So, in self-observation, I don't feel like I have acquired that status yet. I feel like I am still that teen-aged girl, with her emotional baggage of self-worth, walking the halls of Coeur d'Alene High School, hearing and feeling the mocking of her peers. How do you grow up, in your mind, in your own opinion?

Even as I struggle with battles long won that rise up occasionally to test the strength of the cords that bind them, I find myself in surprising places. Or maybe, just a thought, I am the only one who is surprised. I find that I sense people wanting me to lead. The thought freaks me out at times. Those old wounds rise up with their old thoughts that tell me time and time again that I will never win. A struggle goes on in my head....the drive to rise to expectations and the fear that drags me back to old baggage.

I find, that at times, I sense people valuing my thoughts and opinions, experiences, whatever, more than I feel they are worth. What happened a long the growth of time that causes people to place values on the opinion of Me, the Messed Up One? There are times when I sense this happening and I feel like I am standing there shaking my head as if to clear it. Surely I really didn't notice what I just did. Surely they must think I am someone else.

Even as I write this out, I am tempted to just delete this post. I am not sure of its purpose except to clear my mind of it. Parts of it even seem to scream conceit to me. How could I even write such things out? Where do they come from? What do I do with them? I find that it is hard to rewallpaper the walls of my mind with new Truths. The old lies seem to cling with a will of their own to their home of so many years. Even as you rip one down, it seems to coil back up with a uncanny tenacity to live. Even as Jesus sings over me with the Voice of Truth, I find the Lies stubbornly struggle to remain. I wish they would find a herd of pigs to flee to and I'd be rid of them forever. Instead, I find that I daily must ask Jesus to sing over me again. And again. And again.

I am not even sure how to end this post. I feel like I have heard Jesus' voice as I have wandered this written trail. Maybe I will just focus my attention on the Surprises....the blessings...along the way that He has prepared for me. Sorry for my disjointed thoughts.

May you hear Jesus singing over you today.

Fellowship

According to the American Heritage Dictionary, fellowship is defined as: "the condition of being together or of sharing similar interests or experiences....the companionship of individuals in a congenial atmosphere and on equal terms....a union of friends or equals sharing similar interests; fraternity....friendship; comradeship." I don't think that I could define my Women's Retreat weekend any better.

In the past, I have come home from Retreat on a spiritual high. This high only seems to last so long since as soon as I walk in the door, my children descend upon me in a heap of whines, tears, and tantrums, as if they had been saving them up for just the right ears to hear them. Nothing seemed to make me crash back harder to reality than those tears. This year was different. I still met with my Jesus this weekend....yet it was different. So hard to explain. Maybe instead of riding on a high like the rush of jumping out of an airplane...a rush that takes your breath away in an experience that truly is once in a lifetime....I came home with a feeling of peace and connectedness that goes beyond the adrenaline. I swear I am no closer to explaining this than when I first began. I guess there are no words to describe my weekend.

We had 10 ladies from our church attend retreat. If you count the sister of one, we were really 11. I was struck at our fellowship this weekend. It went beyond the connection of weekend "roommates." I think, this weekend, the ladies in my church became friends. I so enjoyed our friendship this weekend, it was so refreshing. In years past, I really felt socially awkward at retreat. I really am horrible at introducing myself to others. This year, things felt so comfortable.

Who is to say what made this difference? I simply can't nail it down. Was it the hilarity of late night games? Was it the comfortable walks on the beach in those fortunate moments of sunshine? Was it the easy teasing and poking fun? Was it the afternoon of soaking pedicures and fancy manicures? Was it the sheer moments of just being together? Maybe it is just that where two or more are gathered, He is there.

I think this is the retreat that I came home the most refreshed. Not that I got a lot of sleep....(too many late night games). I think I just came home blessed. I had wonderful solo times....and the times I had with my friends was priceless.

Priceless.